I Miss My Son

Oh I was most unhappy this morning as I dropped Tate off at daycare.  He was fine, but as I walked away I was already missing him.  We had the past 4 days together, and I loved it.  Granted we had our moments...those tantrums!!  But I love being with my son.  My son.  I have a son.  

I think about him constantly while I'm at work.  Wondering what he's doing, is he smiling?  Is he playing with someone, maybe Alicen or Maggie?  Is he crying?  Is he laughing?  What is his favorite toy today?  We spend 10 hours apart 4 days a week, and I absolutely hate it.  Many many women relish going to work for the adult conversation, the break from their kids, and that's great for them.  Not me.  And I do know that being with a toddler 24 hours a day 7 days a week would be exhausting, but I'm with other people's kids  9 of the 10 hours we're apart.  Other people's kids who are crying, screaming and usually not all that happy to see me, let alone their parents who are either beside themselves with worry or just plain rude. Work is no break for me.  There is noone there I would rather be with than my child.  I know in my heart of hearts that had I had Tate with a partner I would be staying home at least until he started school.  I would be 'that' mom...the room mother, PTA member/officer!, field trip mom.  Heck, I was already room mother in his last room at daycare :)  I would work while he was at school, but that would be it.  It probably doesn't help that my friend who has a 5 month old realized when her maternity leave was over that she just couldn't leave her daughter to go to work, so she opted to stay home.  I'm so jealous, yet so happy for her, her precious baby girl and her husband.

But that's not the life I have.  And I have to realize that had I not had this life there would be no Tate.  Tate with the sweet giggles, funny laugh, super cute voice and gorgeous smile.  As I sit here thinking about him I miss him as he sleeps upstairs.  As this day ends I'm 3 days closer to a weekend with him.  That will keep me going.  Two whole days with my sweet Baby Tate.