Walt Disney World - Day Seven - Going Home!

Saturday morning Tate slept in...of course on the day we were leaving and needed to get moving.  Of course by sleeping in I mean he slept until 7 :).  But after his late night it was expected.  I had done most of our packing the day and night before, so we just had last minute stuff to do!

We made our way downstairs for our last breakfast overlooking Cinderella's palace.  A little Disney Jr. on the tv, some cereal and water and we were good to go.  The valet got our bags, and we trekked down to the lobby of the Polynesian to await our motorcoach to the airport.  

Pretty soon we were loaded up and leaving Walt Disney World. :(

We breezed through airport security and only had about 30 minutes to wait.  

Someone was too busy watching Disney Jr.
at breakfast, hence was starving an hour later
in the airport!!

I noticed our boarding passes said 'First Class', but I thought surely that was a mistake.  But it wasn't!!  WooHoo!!  I could get used to flying like this!!

Tate wanted to meet the pilots again, and he was indulged again.  The co-pilot even offered to let Tate sit in his chair!!  But my little guy wasn't as keen on flying a plane as he is driving a train, so he declined.  He was still thrilled to see the cockpit!

Love that our pilot is black!!!

We made ourselves comfortable for the 2 hour flight home!

He asked to watch 'The Lego Movie'.  After about 5 minutes,
he was done.  He didn't like it at all.  I think he was expecting
to see what he usually watches on YouTube...examples of
different Lego sets.  He loves watching how people
put different sets together.  He's interested in the mechanics of
the Legos.  I also thought the movie might be too dark
for him.  Sweet boy!

Grandmommy and Papa picked us up and we were on our way home!

Home! Home! Jiggity Jig!!!

Happily ensconced with his Lego train as soon as we walked into the door!

Disneyworld!  It was a lovely lovely vacation!  Exhausting yes, but exhilarating at the same time!  I had an absolute blast, and I know Tate did as well.  Going with our family from New York was just awesome, even with our very different traveling and vacationing styles.  It's so important for me that Tate have these family experiences since we have no extended family here in Houston.  My cousin and his twins are the only family to really keep in touch with us, and the only ones with kids who Tate knows by name and relationship.  So we'll keep traveling with them as often as possible as well as making trips to visit as often as possible!!  

Disneyworld!  The Happiest Place on Earth!
Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat!

Will I go back?  Most definitely!  My 'plan' at the moment is to return when Tate is 8 or 9...old enough to enjoy some of the bigger rides and hopefully stay up a bit later, but young enough to still be enchanted with the magic that is Disney.

Then again at 46, I was enchanted.  There's just something about Mickey Mouse, Disneyworld and childhood...no matter how old you're are, Mickey brings out the child in you!!

The One

We are 10 days into kindergarten.  What a difference 10 days makes.

I woke up that 1st Tuesday full of worry for my sweet boy.  I don't think I mentioned in my last post that on the way home the first day Tate said noone wanted to be his friend.  He was absolutely bereft.  He said I had promised him he would make friends after the snow cone social and he hadn't.  As I drove him home Monday I was near tears.  I told him through my watery eyes that I knew he would, that I should have told him it would take time.  I told him it was really hard to be the new kid, but he is a wonderful little boy and he'd have some friends soon.  And that he would always, always have me.  Always.

Thankfully I had planned to pick him up Tuesday as I knew if this second day had not gone well he would need his mommy.  I was a bundle of nerves in the carpool line, praying someone had befriended my son.  

Then he  scampered into the car;  seemed lighter, happier.  I knew part of that was his excitement to see me, but I hoped, just hoped this day had gone better.  As we drove down the freeway I asked how his day was.  He was beaming.  

"Mommy!!!  Ignacio CHOSE to sit beside me at carpet time!!!"

He was just over the moon.  He said that he sat between two boys at lunchtime as opposed to alone on Monday.  He said 'I' played with him on the playground and the he was his new best friend.

The rest of the week was 'I' this and 'I' that.  Tate had found a friend!  

One boy.  

All it took was one boy.  

One.

That's all it really ever takes to feel like part of a group.

That's all another human being needs to feel loved and welcome.

One person.

Just when you think there is absolutely no way you alone can make a difference, know that for someone you are the difference between happiness and complete sadness.  

Your one dollar will make a difference.

Your one minute to tell a stranger hello can change a life.

This one boy changed my boy's kindergarten experience.

And you know what?  It doesn't matter if he meant to or not.  It doesn't matter if it wasn't done with purpose.  Just acting with kindness is enough.  What matters is how the recipient receives the kindness.  

I'm not Mary Poppins enough to think that Tate won't be really sad some days or feel left out again.  That's life.  That's the life of a child especially.  But now he'll know though that that feeling can and will go away.  He'll know he'll meet another Ignacio probably 2 hours later.  

He'll meet someONE else who will treat him with kindness.  

Even better, the next time he sees someone who needs him, he'll be the one to say "Can I sit next to you at carpet time?"

We all need to be that one.

Here's my one!  This was taken on that Tuesday!  Look at that smile!
And to explain the long sleeve shirt and long pj pants in summer, 100 degree summer...
I've told Tate that since he has to wear a uniform every day during the week, that
he can choose what he wears after school.  It can be anything at all!
That's his favorite part of coming home I think :)!

The First Day of Kindergarten

The First Day of Kindergarten!!  It's finally here!!!

5:45 came so early, yet Tate slept right through our alarm!!  YAY!!  I got up, got his special first day of school breakfast ready...he requested tiger Cheerios (aka Frosted Flakes), caramel yogurt (aka chocolate on the bottom greek yogurt) and hot chocolate!  A sugar rush if I've ever heard of one!  :)  I got my hair done, started making his lunch then went upstairs to wake him up.

He was out of bed in a flash as soon as he remembered he was having his beloved Tiger Cheerios :).  I of course joined him for a bowl.  After much prodding he was finally done...boy did he savor that hot cocoa and those Frosted Flakes, opting to not eat the yogurt this morning, but saving for an after school snack.  So I got him dressed and gave him a little first-day-of-kindergarten gift, a Lego creator helicopter.  He was thrilled.  Teeth were brushed...mine and his.  Make-up done...mine.  Then it was picture time.  Of course.  All along I was peppering him with tidbits about how fun kindergarten was going to be, how he was going to see his old friend, C and how I would be picking him up.  I reminded him over and over that no matter what I was always going to be here for him.  My little boy was full of smiles.

I've edited out his school crest...
it would be there on his left.

The loveys went with us in the car :) 

My little boy with his big kid backpack! 

We got all situated in the car and we were off!  We arrived at the school in time for some pictures outside!

Then we made our way inside.  The atmosphere inside was amazingly warm, inviting, loving, welcoming and just buzzing with excitement.  Parents, teachers, administrators said 'Good Morning!' 'Welcome'.  Smiles were all over the place.  My fears and anxiety dropped dramatically.  On our way in we had run into his dear friend from his daycare, so we walked him into his classroom since his mom was just dropping him off.  The boys were thrilled to see each other.

We made it to his classroom and there was his teacher!  We found his cubby, his desk and some awesome toys to play with!!!

I kissed my sweet boy good-bye (a few times) and left him with a smile on his face.  I took his epi-pens to the nurse's office and had a quick talk with her...the really nice nurse :). I then realized I had forgotten to tell his teacher he could have the jitter-juice the group was having today (she had sent me an email with the ingredients, so I was to let her know if he could have it).  I ran back to the classroom as I knew they were about to all go to the student center for their morning meeting (they have one every morning).  The boys were lined up outside and there was my Tate, second in line, beaming and jumping up and down.  

Seems like he was going to be all right!

I made my way to work, constantly praying that 230 would come quickly, so I could go pick him up!!  By 2:45 I was on the road!  The carpool line was in full swing by the time I arrived...I got a bit confused (as I anticipated from the lack of instruction!), but he climbed into the car and we were off.  This will definitely take some time getting used to because he was inclined to piddle around and not get in his carseat and buckle himself in in a timely manner.  But we'll work on it!

I asked him how his day was and he said it was ok.  I asked if he liked any of the boys, and he said no, they were all mean and rude.  Sigh.  I asked him to tell me his 3 favorite parts of school and he said lunch because he could wave at C, the play-doh project and playing on the playground.   I asked if he played with the boys on the playground, and he said noone would play with him.  Sigh.  

I tried to ascertain why he thought they were mean and rude.  He said they said rude things to him, but he wouldn't tell me what.  He mentioned that they told him 'No cutting!'  I do know that Tate has a very hard time standing in line and waiting his turn...I've seen him have issues with it.  So I reminded him that if he does try cutting in line, he won't make friends easily, that he needs to wait his turn.  He also said he didn't sit with anyone at lunch because "I have food allergies."  I had asked his teacher on Friday if he was going to have to sit alone, and she said no.  So I need to figure out what that's all about...I'm going to send her a note tomorrow and make sure he's not sitting alone.  

I've asked him a couple more times this evening about the other boys.  He's specifically said one boy in particular was mean, but I'm going to give it some time.  I know he'll find his way.  I know this.  God is there with him;  He'll help him.  I know this.  It's just so hard to not worry.  I didn't realize how very much I loved this child of mine until I was so worried and anxious about someone hurting him.  This fear cuts me to depth of my soul.  

Tonight I gave him two more back to school gifts (books!) and we had a festive dinner of delivered pizza!  I hope to continue our first day rituals over the next 12 years with the special breakfast, dinner, my taking and picking him up and a couple of gifts.  I realize that when he's 15 he may not want me to walk him into his classroom, but we're going to have our meals together and he'll get something meaningful from me to remember the first day!

Christian also skyped with Tate when we got home.  Tate was a little distracted and didn't really want to talk, but I'm glad Christian is trying to share these moments with him.  It will mean so much to Tate in the long run.

So tonight I'm going to head off to bed a little less worried than I was last night.  I'm going to cuddle my sweet boy who seems a little befuddled and confused, but very secure in his mother's love.

I even had him take some of my love with him in his backpack.  On Friday we had a last hoorah playdate with some of his closest friends from his daycare at one of the kids' houses.   The mom organized a craft.  She read A Kissing Hand  Here's a quick synopsis...School is starting in the forest, but Chester Raccoon does not want to go. To help ease Chester's fears, Mrs. Raccoon shares a family secret called the Kissing Hand to give him the reassurance of her love any time his world feels a little scary. Since its first publication in 1993, this heartwarming book has become a children's classic that has touched the lives of millions of children and their parents, especially at times of separation, whether starting school, entering daycare, or going to camp. It is widely used by kindergarten teachers on the first day of school.

So all us moms on Friday made cut-outs of our hands and our kids' hands.  We laminated them and we were ready for the first day of school!  This morning Tate and I each kissed ours with my intention as the book said that I would take his hand to keep him close to me and he would have mine to feel close to me.

He wanted both hands.  

Ok little boy, take both our hands, so our hands will be together all day.  He was very happy.  Which made me extremely happy!

The Night Before Kindergarten

My little boy starts kindergarten tomorrow.  

My baby who 5 years ago at this time was 7 days shy of being one month old starts kindergarten tomorrow.

My son will be starting his formal education in the morning.

This is the day I have been dreading for 5 years and 26 days.  

My Tate is growing up.

I think I've finally realized why I've been sleeping so terribly this summer.  I think I know why I feel absolutely out of control in all aspects of my life.  I think I know why I've been so incredibly stressed even in the midst of having good fun.

I've been dreading this day.  And not just because I don't want my little boy to grow up.  But because I'm so worried I've made the wrong decision for him.  Not that I really had any choice in the matter with being wait-listed at all 9 public schools I applied to for him and on the waiting list at the other private school we applied to.  The school he starts tomorrow was our only other choice except our neighborhood school which I definitely didn't want him attending.

He's attending an affluent, private, all-boys school.  A school that I have absolutely nothing in common with.  I attending coed, public school my entire life until college, and far from affluent.  We lived a moderate middle class life.  This is an entirely new animal for me.  I'm a definite fish out of water in this environment.

As I re-read this post thus far it seems that most of my concerns revolve around me.  Hmmm.  So I should try to figure that out.  I so want Tate to be accepted, but I know that part of his true acceptance will be predicated on the parents' acceptance of me.  I'm a black, working, single mother.  There is no father in the picture.  I'm the quintessential single black mother, aren't I?  These people know nothing of my history, my career, my dreams and goals.  Yet, I feel judged in their eyes already.  I'm having my pain in advance, well maybe not in advance as I've met many of the mothers already.  And probably they're not really judging me.  

I'm by far the oldest mother in our group of kindergarten mothers, not sure about the dads.  I think the next oldest mom is getting ready to turn 40.  I'm not sure how many of the mothers work, but my buddy mom does not work.  She and her husband have already decided where they want their son to go to high school!  I'm not even sure what Sunday school class I want to enroll Tate in in the fall.  

I'm by far the largest mother in the group.  This always bothers me, but at Tate's daycare I felt more 'on the same level' as the other parents, not socio-economically as I know I was one of the few in highly compensated professional careers...I think there were two to three other docs and a couple of attorneys. But all us moms dressed the same, were down to earth, definitely not high maintenance.  We were the parents who got down on the floor with our kids, struggled to find matching socks in the morning and wiped doughnut crumbs off our faces when we dropped our kids off in the mornings.  In any event, all of these moms are svelte, wearing Tory Burch flip flops, great blow-outs all the time, carry high end purses and wear clothes that (a) I'll most likely never fit and (b) are from stores I could never afford.

I'm a single mother by choice.  I did get to meet his teacher on Friday and I decided to tell her about Tate's parentage.  Mostly I wanted her to know that he doesn't suffer a loss of a father.  I said we are a mom and kid family and that there was no death, divorce or separation in our family.  She looked a bit confused (as I assumed she would be), so I just went for it and said he has a father who is not involved because he helped me do this on my own.  I said Tate will probably say he has a father a little bit if asked.  I said I know that would make no sense, but if she overhears it, if she could just support Tate in however he wants to say it.  I stumbled around trying to make my point, and I really need to have a good conversation with Tate about this, but right now in this time of change in his life I'm going to give it some time though I know I should just do it.

Last year the admission's director told me they had several different family types in the school, grandparents raising kids, single mothers etc.  But I think they are few and far between.  I know one kindergartner's parents are recently divorced, but that's still not a single mother.  His father lives here and is present in his life.

Present in his life.  This is important because they do ALOT of father-son stuff at this school.  Well it seems like alot.  There's a father-son donuts with dads in just a few weeks, then a father-son liturgy early in the semester as well.  I'm intending to go to these with Tate, though my dad thinks he should go.  But I want Tate to know that our family structure is just fabulous and I am his mother AND father. He does have a friend from his old daycare who grew up with him from toddler hood until the boys were almost four when his parents put him at Tate's new school; so while Tate was in pre-k at his daycare C was in pre-k3 at Tate's new school...C will be in pre-k4 this upcoming year.  He and Tate are fast friends though.  Anyway, his mother said that if I can't make it to the father/son events her husband would be more than happy to have Tate sit with him and C.  That just made all the difference to me!!  

So this summer I've been anticipating some communication with the school to help make me more comfortable.  At the end of May there was a brief orientation where I met my school buddy and then there was radio silence until last Monday, the 11th.  Not a single word save an email from the new head master discussing his vision for the school and introducing himself.

Nothing else.  Nada.  Nyet.  No words of encouragement.  No welcome, we know you must be getting so excited.  I was a bit taken aback.  I knew from my May paperwork that there would be a meet the teacher conference on Friday the 15th, but I didn't know what times would be available, if I should bring Tate, and most importantly I needed some notice to arrange our patient schedule.  At the end of the summer, the week before school starts we are swamped!!!  Getting notice on the 11th to sign up for that Friday was not making me employee of the month.  

Then there's Tate's food allergies.  Sigh.  I emailed the nurse who I had spoken with earlier in the summer when the glitch with his immunization record came up.  I never heard from her, so I called again and let her know about his anaphylactic reaction a couple of weeks ago.  She recommended that I meet with either her or the other nurse on staff after my parent/teacher conference on Friday.  I mentioned that Tate's allergist had some recommendations and she said we'd discuss how they do epi-pens at the school.  I immediately took umbrage with that, but didn't say anything, intent on pushing back if they gave me any trouble.

So I was already a bit out of sorts with what I felt was a lack of communication the entire summer.  Or maybe I had higher expectations of being welcomed into this new place.  As it was the only person I felt any connection with, the admission's director, was leaving at the beginning of summer.  The headmistress left as well.  I knew absolutely noone.  And though it's hard to believe I'm really shy and don't do well in situations where I know nobody and I feel out of place.  On top of that I'm an absolute planner and like having all my ducks in a row, so I know what's happening well in advance, a trait I've passed along to my son who upon waking each morning asks me "What are we doing today Mommy?"  And he wants a play by play, so he can mentally prepare.  Like mother, like son.

Fast forward to Friday, the 15th.  I set up an 12:45 appointment with Tate's teacher.  I was unsure if I was supposed to bring him or not.  The head master's assistant, when she finally answered my email questions, said it was up to the teacher.  When I asked his teacher via email, she said it was up to me.  Sigh.  Someone tell me yes or no!!!!!!  I opted not to bring him as I got an invite for a snow cone social set up for today, Sunday, for the kindergarten class, so I assumed she would be at that!

I arrive at the school after racing over from work and went to check in.  The woman at the desk was far from friendly, but then I recognized her name as one of the nurses.  I said "I'm Jennifer and I'm here to meet with Ms. K for my son Tate, oh and you too after I meet with her."  She said "Oh.  We're going to meet in just a few minutes, I'm waiting for the receptionist to come back from lunch."  I said I thought I was meeting his teacher first and then with you.  And she said 'No, we're all going to meet together. Have a seat."

Sigh.  There were two women sitting on the sofa as well, who nodded briefly, but continued their conversation.  Finally, a woman came into the foyer who I 'know' from the kindergarten class.  She gave me a hug and we chatted briefly.  As we were chatting this nurse walks up and tells me,without saying 'excuse me' that it's time to go to the library.  I was furious and basically ignored her with her rude tone.  I said good-by to my friend and turned around and mean nurse was gone.  

I had no idea where the library was!!  I've been in the halls of this place ONE TIME!  But I wandered around, ran into her and we went in.

Now I was expecting to meet with Tate's teacher in the classroom first, so already I'm a bit confused.  I walk into the library and there are 3 people sitting down waiting for me...two women and a man.  Mean nurse walks over, sits down and motions for me to sit down.  Thanks goodness his teacher, Mrs. K, had some manners and stood up to introduce herself.  The other two people sat there and didn't say one word.  

Not one word.

The man is the principal of the lower school!!!  Ummmm shouldn't you introduce yourself to me?  Shouldn't you run this meeting?  I recognized him once I sat down.

The other woman never said one word.

Then the extremely nice PE teacher came in and introduced herself.  She was really kind to me at my interview and Tate's day at the shcool.  I really like her and am so glad she's in on our plans for Tate's health.  

Mean nurse ran the meeting asking a variety of questions, and I know she was trying to make sure we keep Tate safe.  And I'm so appreciative that they take his issues seriously, really I am.  But she gave me a ton of paperwork to fill out or have my physician fill out which I was not prepared for.  

I don't know.  I just didn't get the warm fuzzies and I want warm fuzzies.  I want them to care about me and my son.  I want to know who the hell I'm talking to about my son and our life.  Tell me your name and why you are sitting here interrogating me.

His teacher did take me back to see the room briefly.  I really do like her.  She's a larger woman (yay!) and just seems really genuine.  Turns out the other woman sitting next to me is the other kindergarten teacher...she was the teacher all the other moms wanted to have.  But she's tall and skinny and just like them, so maybe that's why. Also our teacher just moved from 2nd grade to kinder, so maybe they were concerned she wouldn't be as knowledgeable about kindergarten?  Who knows?  I don't care.  I liked her.  And apparently these two women are the best of friends.  So it will be fine.  We chatted briefly, and I could tell she was tired and ready to go and probably very overwhelmed with all of us needy, demanding parents.  I mentioned our family structure as I said above, asked a couple of questions about their school days and told her Tate was excited to meet her on Sunday.  Then she broke my heart by saying she hadn't been informed about the snow cone social, so she wasn't going to be there.

If I had known that I would have brought Tate with me on Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was so upset.  I had promised him he would meet his teacher;  I so wanted him to have one familiar adult face in this new huge place.  Someone he recognized to take care of him and watch out for him.  I was almost despondent.

I think she could see my despair.  I went ahead and left and made my way back to work, going the wrong way two times in my exhaustion and stress.

Today I had Tate try on his uniform.  Ummm thank goodness it fit :) It's been hanging in the closet for weeks now!!!  The belt is going to be a challenge, but I told him to just leave it belted and pull his pants down to use the restroom and to do his best to get his shirt re-tucked in.  I assured him his teacher would help him with it!

We had a mommy and Tate day...his favorite day.  Then we went over to the snow cone social at the school.  

Lo and behold Mrs. K was there!!!!!  He got to meet her!!

I was beyond grateful.  He seemed happy to see her.

I chatted with a few of the parents; my buddy mom was there...she's really really nice.  We met the new head master, so that was nice.

It poured as we walked in, so we were all huddled near the sno-cone truck :), but it finally cleared up and the kids went on the playground.  I sent Tate out once he finished his snow cone.  He quickly ran out to play on the equipment, kicked a soccer ball around and ran around with the boys.  At one point he was balancing and walking around the slides and another boy walked up and hit or pushed him.  I saw it happening and saw Tate step down and attempt to push the kid back, just as I called his name.  I was calling more to have him step away and come to me, not really to stop him, but I didn't want him and the boy to get into a shoving match either.  I was like WTF?  As I was calling his name, the other kid looked towards me, looked pissed and walked away.

Even more interesting I had been talking to another mom right when all this happened and she was introducing me to the dad next to her.  As she did so she said "Oh look they're making friends".  She seemed to consider this child hitting my child making friends.

Oh my.

But Tate continued his balancing and walking and went back to kicking the soccer ball until another kid took the ball away from him and wouldn't let him play with it.

My sweet boy ran around a bit more by himself and came and asked me if we could go home.  He was soaking wet from playing in the rain, so we made our way to our car and left.

I asked him if he had fun and he said he liked the snow cone part, but he not the playing part.  He said "I'm upset really bad because none of the boys wanted to play with me.  They don't like me."

I have never wanted to cry more than I did at that moment.

We talked it out a bit. I told him it's very hard to be the new kid.  And that I understood...I had been the new kid in 4th grade.  I told him Mrs. K would be there and he needed anything he could talk to her.  I told him  it will be hard at first, but that it will be ok.  

I promised him that he would make friends.

I promised him.

A promise.

I told him not all days will be like today.

I told him that he will always always have me.

I told him that if he gets scared or upset that he will have his Mommy hand in his backpack.  Because Friday we made Mommy and Tate kissing hands for each of us to carry tomorrow and always.  And when we get worried or scared or upset we pull out our kissing hands and hold it near our hearts just like in the book The Kissing Hand.

We went to dinner at his favorite place.  Sadly tonight when it was 98 degrees out, their air conditioning had broken;  I had to almost force Tate to eat outside.  He is not a fan of the outdoors!!  :)  But dinner was yummy though he ate too much :)...stomach ache on the way home.  ("Mommy, my tummy hurts on the inside.")  I had told him not to eat all his sandwich...whatcha gonna do?

We read lots of stories, including 'The Berenstain Bears Go To School' which we've read before (I had read 'The Night Before Kindergarten' this morning at his behest, and he was asleep before 8pm.

Kindergarten.  In the morning.

My little boy is going to kindergarten.    

My worry will be for naught.  I know this.  I was lamenting and worrying to a friend who is my spiritual lifeline.  Her response?

...Try to relax
...It will really work out for his good.
...Surrender to God that He protects Tate more than all of your efforts make you think you do.

It really is going to be a great year, isn't it?

Tate, complete with blue bubblegum snow-cone teeth,
and his new kindergarten teacher!!!

Anaphylaxis - The Call I Never Wanted to Receive

Friday, July 25, 2014

Tate and I had a leisurely morning at home.  I tried to sleep in til around 7am while Tate played downstairs with some of his new birthday toys...his train, his Legos and especially his Lego 'Planes' set.

Around 9am I took Tate to camp and dropped him off via the car pool line.  He took his time getting out which prompted the counselor to try to move him along.  He's in a 5 point harness, so it takes a bit longer to get out as he doesn't know how to open it himself...I have to do it for him.  But she called him by name and helped him out of the car.  All seemed great!

I drove off to my 9:30 physical therapy appointment for my torn medial meniscus on my left knee.  This was my first appointment in 3 weeks, one week after having returned from Disney World.  I was so pleased with my therapy up until this point as I've had minimal pain while walking and my discomfort, while definitely still present has decreased on stairs.  Most importantly I didn't experience any discomfort with all the walking I did in Florida!!  I was thrilled.  Justin put me through the paces and after icing my knee I was off to my 90 minute massage with the fabulous Jane.

Goodness I was looking forward to this massage.  My legs were aching as were my feet after pounding the pavement for 5 days straight!  My muscles were practically whining from the overuse :).  I was just walking back to the massage room with Jane when my phone rang.  I didn't recognize the number, so I just hit 'end'.  It rang again not 2 minutes later. 

I answered it this time as in the back of my head I thought to myself "Tate's at camp, I might not recognize a number they call me from.  This might be them for some reason."

In that short amount of time between seeing the phone ring, deciding to answer and actually answering I realized something might be wrong.  I thought "I hope he hasn't broken a tooth or hurt himself badly" as the blood started draining from my face.

To be told "Ms. C we had to give Tate a shot with his epi-pen a few minutes ago.  We've called an ambulance." was the last thing I expected to hear.

I was in shock, quickly told Jane I had to leave and rushed downstairs to my car in a frightened frenzy.  I was all over the place with my questions...

"What did he eat?"

"Is he breathing?"

"Where is he""

"What happened?"

"Is 911 on the way?  You have to call 911!"

"IS HE BREATHING?"

The 15 minute drive to the camp was excruciating.  Construction cones were all over the route I opted to take as I'm frantically trying to not cry, so that I'll be able to see.  I'd hung  up with the assistant director, so she could attend to Tate, but called her back once I was on the road.  Kayla assured me EMS had arrived, that Tate was breathing much better and he was on oxygen, crying but ok.  I asked her to please not let EMS transport him until I arrived unless it was necessary.

The idea of my baby riding in the back of an ambulance, sirens wailing, tires screeching around corners, strangers putting monitors on him without me with him put me in a state of sadness I cannot express. 

I also recognized that it might be the only thing to save his life, so I reiterated that if the EMS team deemed it necessary that they should take him without me if they had to.

Luckily, he didn't have to be transported.

I was barely holding it together as I weaved in and out of traffic.  I wanted MY mommy, but knew if I called my parents they would be beside themselves with worry and I would have to calm them down before they could help me calm down.  Luckily I got a hold of my best friend just as I pulled into the parking lot, and I was able to stop crying before getting out of the car.

One of the camp counselors met me at my car to walk me in to Tate.  As we were walking in one of the EMTs walked by and told me "He's just fine!!"

We rounded the corner and there was my sweet boy on a chair, nasal cannula in his nose, red and teary, surrounded by EMTs, firemen and camp counselors.

I walked over and hugged him as best I could; he wanted to be picked up, so I took the nasal cannula off after being sure it was ok, and hugged him like I would never let go. 

After putting him back down, I talked with the head EMT as well as his counselors to try to determine what happened.  The assistant director had given me a brief rundown as I drove over, but we went over it again.

Around 11:10am, the kids were laying on the floor in their classroom on their backs having just come back from the gym where they had been running around.  Tate's counselor looked down and saw that Tate looked red and splotchy.  She asked him if he was ok.  He said he wasn't.  She asked him if he could breathe.  He said no.  She realized he was indeed having lots of difficulty breathing.  By this time the assistant director was coming into the room and Miss M had just decided to administer the epinephrine into Tate's right thigh.  She did it quickly and absolutely in accordance to the action plan I had provided.  Within 1 minute they both reported that Tate started breathing better.  They then followed the action plan calling 911 then calling me.

Noone had eaten anything in the room as lunch is served elsewhere.  They had not had any snacks in the room.  No food had been consumed or opened in the room.  The children had not been outside except to walk from one building to the next.

Tate's vitals were great, all within normal limits.  His chest was clear, he was breathing well on his own and appeared to be in no apparent distress.  I discussed our next steps with the head EMT.  I have been told by his physicians that if epinephrine is administered Tate would need to be monitored.  The EMT said they would be happy to escort us to the ER in the ambulance, or we could see our pediatrician.  We actually had an appointment scheduled at 4pm that very day for a well child 5 year old visit, and his pediatrician was 2 blocks from the camp campus.  I quickly called the pediatrician's office and spoke to the triage nurse.  She said she couldn't tell me what to do, but recommended that I do whatever the EMTs told me.  I relayed this to the head EMT who recommended that I see his regular pediatrician as she knew his complete medical history etc.  So I sent EMS on their way and scooped up my boy to head over to see the pediatrician.

As I was buckling Tate into his carseat his pediatrician herself called me.  She advised me that I needed to go to the ER because Tate needed to be monitored for a period of time with proper monitors that they don't keep in their offices.  I was to tell the triage nurse immediately that my child had received an injection of epinephrine and needed to be monitored for a rebound reaction as well as the affects of the drug on his little heart and system.

We made our way to the ER....a world renowned children's hospital which was about 10 minutes from where we were.

I quickly valeted the car, grabbed a couple of coloring books for Tate and thankfully his lunch! and made our way inside.  We checked in around 12:10pm, told the staff who gave me my paperwork that Tate had received an epi injection for an anaphylactic reaction and waited to see the triage nurse.  I saw the triage nurse who I again told about Tate's injection and anaphylactic reaction and that his pediatrician wanted him monitored.  We were shuffled to the next waiting area to do some financial paperwork and then moved to the big waiting room completely devoid of any nurses, doctors or medical personnel but full of sick, pale, miserable children.

Of course he found the one train in the waiting room.
Also I realize he doesn't look the least bit sick, however
a rebound reaction can occur within minutes, hence the need
for monitoring after an anaphylactic reaction.

At 2pm after having let Tate eat his lunch complete with milk, I was beyond frustrated as were several of the other mothers in the waiting room with me;  some had been in this waiting area for 4 hours!!  I decided to go ask someone if this was their idea of monitoring my child post epinephrine injection because I could do this at home, for free.  I also mentioned that my pediatrician had sent us, and that we had an appointment with her for that afternoon at 4pm;  I would be happy to head back over to her right then and there.

This immediately got a nurse to come look at Tate and magically there was a room ready for us!

Our nurse placed an EKG on Tate and a pulse ox, and thus began our new wait for a physician to have time to come look at Tate.  Just to have a look at him!  I mentioned to this nurse that we had an appointment at 4pm with our regular pediatrician that I really wanted to make it to.  She told me there had been 2 traumas, and all docs were involved with that, but she'd get someone in to see me as soon as she could!

Really not liking all these 'sticker's on his body...
my sweet, scared little boy :(

He was a trooper and got used to the EKG monitors quickly
and started coloring and smiling within minutes!!
Love this brave boy so much!

At 3:15 I had had enough.  I told Tate he could take off his monitors and I was going to go see about getting us out of there to go see Dr. R.  He was ecstatic!  I went to the nurse's desk to tell my nurse we were leaving.  I felt a bit bad for her as it seems she spends her days at this place managing parents' irritation with the long waits.  She got a doc on a phone who asked the nurse if the parent (me) knew that a child who had been administered epinephrine for an anaphylactic reaction needed to be monitored for 6 hours.  The nurse said "No she probably doesn't, but I can tell her."  So she told me.  (very nicely)  I said that was fine, thinking to myself it would have been nice had they asked her to tell me that at the outset, so I could call to cancel our appointment.  Mostly it would have been nice for the physician to actually see me and tell me her treatment plan as I'd been in their hospital for almost 3 hours at this point and yet to see a doctor!!

I was hustled back to our shared! room and the resident hustled in herself.  Soon after the fellow made her presence known and lo and behold the attending was available all of a sudden as well!!  

Tate's monitors were replaced, and we settled in for a seemingly  long winter's night.  Rest assured I was prepared to remove everything from his body at 5:15pm on the dot and be on my way home at 5:16pm.

Throughout the entire stay in the ER Tate was incredibly well behaved.  He never once cried, whimpered or complained.  I did end up feeding him his lunch in the 3rd waiting room we were in...yes, it's hard to keep up with which waiting room I'm referring to...the 3rd one was the one we waited 90 minutes in with the rest of Houston's sick children.  I let him watch his beloved Lego 'planes' on my phone while I laid on his tiny hospital bed with him trying to get some sleep.  I did manage to doze off a few times.

At 5:15pm his nurse came bustling into the room followed within 10 minutes by his physician.  Tate was deemed healthy enough to leave with enough prescriptions to fill my medicine cabinet.  They prescribed a 4 day course of steroids and 2 histamine blockers...benadryl and zantac to keep all histamine pathways clear.  

We couldn't get out the door fast enough.  Our car was brought around, and we were finally on our way home before 6pm.

I got Tate some dinner, got him bathed and we climbed into bed to read stories and cuddle.  Needless to say I rocked my sweet boy to sleep that night and held him in my arms for way longer than normal.

Absolute exhaustion set in for me quite soon after he fell asleep.  Surprisingly, I never lost it after my initial crying jag in the car as I was talking to Susan.  And I've yet to really cry about it.  I've told the story countless times, but I haven't cried.  Two weeks later I think I'm still in a bit of shock.  With all that's going on in our lives...having just returned for a week long trip to Disney World, work being crazy busy, this incident, trying to prepare for the start of kindergarten and all that entails I'm just running on fumes.  That massage I missed was going to be the start of some serious downtime that day that I desperately needed.  I needed that break.  I didn't get it.  Our weekend that weekend was already packed to be followed by one of the last weeks at work before school starts...we are always swamped, just swamped the last 3-4 weeks before school starts.  In addition, Tate started zoo camp that Monday after that Friday's incident.  I opted to take him to camp that morning instead of having my dad take him as we had planned to just make sure the new counselors 100% understood the severity of Tate's allergies and that he had just suffered an anaphylactic reaction 48 hours prior to them meeting him.  As I drove away after dropping him off I was almost apoplectic.  I didn't realize how very worried I was until I left my sweet child with virtual strangers.  It took all my self control to not turn around and go get him and just keep him with me all day.

We saw our allergist last Friday, and what happened that previous Friday will undoubtedly remain a mystery to us all.  We have no known trigger, so it's an idiopathic reaction.  This is so much scarier than knowing he ate a peanut butter cookie (which would undoubtedly kill him);  the fact that we have no idea what caused him to have the reaction is so much worse.  And there's still that part of me that wonders...did he really have an anaphylactic reaction?  Not knowing what he really looked like, what his symptoms were is difficult to swallow.  I'm relying on the report of a young girl, no more than 19 or 20 years of age.  Don't get me wrong...I'm eternally grateful that she acted quickly to keep my son safe; epinephrine will never hurt someone, so when in doubt, give the shot!  She responded beautifully as did the entire staff.  And Tate!  The EMT team was so complimentary of the staff's response and the fact that Tate articulated that he didn't feel right.  They were incredibly impressed with the camp's behaviour as was I.  I definitely will send him to that camp again next summer.

Tonight I'm still exhausted.  The stress and fear of the past two weeks is really catching up to me.  I have been able to hide my fear and anxiety from Tate (well I think I have);  I just don't want him to be scared or worried.  I know he understand he has food allergies, and he knows he has to question everything he eats, but I so don't want him to be scared.  I can be scared enough for the two of us.  

In addition, the stress and nerves of the next 9 days as we gear up to start kindergarten on the 18th lay before me.  There are so many unknowns with this new school as there has been absolutely no contact with new families, like ours, since the end of May.  None.  Zilch.  Nada.  I'm actually quite angry about it.  I'm paying a hell of alot of money for my child to go to this school; the least they could do is communicate with me before the first day of school in 9 days.  

But as exhausted as I am, I'm eternally grateful.  Grateful my little boy is upstairs asleep and happy.  Grateful my sweet son is healthy and safe.  Grateful my child is surrounded by people who care about him and for him when I cannot.  Grateful that the two of us have more years ahead of us together than I can count.  Grateful for God's healing, mercy and love that dark Friday and all the Fridays and days in between.

Tate's 5th Birthday Party!

We celebrated Tate's 5th birthday with a party at our local playground again this year.  It was quite simple just like last year!  I ordered a train to come give rides to the partygoers for an hour, as many rides as they wanted.  It was so much fun!  Amazingly the weather was absolutely gorgeous!  And it's August!!  The humidity was minimal, the temps were mild (mid-70s) and the cloud cover was absolutely perfect.  It was just beautiful!

As always set up was a bit harried, even though it was minimal.  My parents picked up the 7 balloons I had ordered and brought them with them.  Tate and I ran out at 8am to pick the cake up at the store...super yummy by the way.  Upon returning home I had to do some last minute touches for the party, shower and get dressed and get to the park around 9:30am.  My parents help a lot, a lot!  Thank goodness, but they want direction from me on everything and sometimes I just wish people would just do without asking.  I know they want to do things the way I want them, and I get that because I know I'm such a type A personality, control freak.  But I'm mellowing in my age.  In any event, sometimes I just want to sit back and let stuff happen.  But I'm beyond blessed to have the help I get;  my sister came a bit early to help as well!!!  So I'm ever so grateful.  Always!

The train arrived right on time, and the nice young man got it sanitized and set up and ready to go right at 10:15 as requested :).  Kids and parents started arriving right on time as well.  The playground we use is fabulous with lots to offer in the form of activity for kids of all ages.

Tate's BFF from daycare arrived and you have never seen two happier little boys.  The joy on their faces upon seeing one another made my day.

The entire morning was just perfect.  After the party was over I invited those who wanted to to come back to the house for pizza and present opening.  My parents, Aunt Lindsey, and two other families came with us!  Tate loved all his gifts (save one...he was so funny...it totally was not something he would be into, and he simply said "I don't like this Mommy.  I don't want it.  Let's give it to someone else."  He's already a re-gifter!  LOL!).  He has made mention several times in the past two days that he got lots of birthday gifts and that he has too many toys.  He's asked to give some away to other kids, so we'll go through and select toys to give away, as well as ones to save to sell in a garage sale.  My sweet boy.

We spent the rest of the afternoon, just the two of us relaxing...him playing with his new Lego toys!  He got all three sets of the Lego Disney 'Planes' which put him over the moon.  He's become a Lego fanatic and he's awesome at them!  He got the Lego City Red Train (the City Passenger Train) from me for Christmas, and though at Christmas he required alot of my help to put it together, by late May he was taking it apart and putting it together all by himself!  I was soooooo impressed!!  He got the Lego City Train Station from his godfather at Christmas...he can do that as well by himself!!  I've been so surprised by his dexterity and ability to follow the instructions with joy, because I find no joy in Lego building :).  He's not into any other Legos like the Ninjago or Star Wars which is absolutely fine with me as I feel they are too dark for my new 5 year old!  (I know nothing about them though, so I'm probably totally wrong on the 'darkness.')  In any event, he loved having a Tate and Mommy afternoon and went to bed giddy with happiness.  So much so that it was hard for him to go to sleep!  A perfect end to a perfect day for my rising Kindergartner!!

Thomas the Snack Train!

He's here Mommy!  He's here!!!

 Playing on the playground...

Many rides on the train...

All Aboard!! 

Mommies on the train this time!!

After everyone had had their fill of train rides, slides, swinging and playsets, it was time for cake!

Ready to make a wish!

 

HaHa!  I just blew my germs all over the cake y'all
are going to all want a piece of now!!!

The party-goers!

Lots of hugs and kisses later, party favors given out and everyone was on their way home!  Realizing this is one of the last time these kids might all be together (from daycare) we decided to have a pool party in a couple of weeks to give them a kindergarten send-off!!

 Everyone loved their party favors...

Back at home we opened presents and enjoyed some pizza with our family and a couple of friends...

 Hugs and cuddles...

 

Happy Birthday my sweet boy!