The Gift of Music

 I just started letting Tate watch tv 2 weeks ago, the day after his surgery.  I let him watch one 20 minute episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse that Saturday morning after his surgery. I allowed him to watch it last Saturday morning as well and this morning.  I did pretty strictly adhere to the AAP's guidelines of no television before 2 until Tate was 18 months old.  At 18 months old, he was not picking up baby sign language well from me other than please, thank you and more, so I let him watch the Baby Signing Time videos no more than once a week for the duration of one video.  It was amazing how quickly he picked up on the sign language after just 2 viewings.  But I stuck to my guns of no other television.  If we went to someone's house where the tv was on, I moved Tate out of the room.  The television is never on at home when he is awake, and now I don't even miss it.  I rarely turn it on anymore, though this does leave me completely out of the loop from worldwise news events to fashion dos/dont's.  In any event, since he turned 2 I do allow him to stay in the room at other homes when the tv is on as they are usually tuned to sports channels or adult programs and Tate obviously has no interest in those.  So this was a big deal for my little guy seeing the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  


All this to bring about what happened this evening.  I saw a link on FB featuring Andrea Bocelli singing a lullaby to Elmo.  Tate does know who Elmo is from books, and seems to find him cool enough :)  And I love Andrea Bocelli especially when he sings 'Con Te Partiro.'  It just melts my heart and I just feel so peaceful and am so moved.  Well in this clip he has changed to the words to make it into a kid-friendly lullaby.

  

Even with Elmo's squeaky little voice this song is just gorgeous.  Bocelli's voice is like no other.  


I showed Tate the video on my lap sitting cross-legged on the floor.  He was very intrigued and watched it one time in absolute silence, not a muscle moving.  He then looked up and asked me for 'more Elmo singing Mommy.'  I started it again.  About halfway through I realized he was shaking a bit;  I looked around to see his face and my sweet little boy was fighting back tears.  He was almost sobbing.  He turned around and threw his precious little arms around my neck with my iPhone in his one hand, the other arm wrapped around my neck.  He held onto me while watching and listening to this beautiful song over my shoulder.  He was absolutely moved by the melody.  Once it was over, I sat him back and asked him if the song made his heart sad, and he shakily said yes.  Still he wanted to see it again, and was in tears the entire time.  By this point I was crying as well so moved was I by the beautiful heart of my sweet son.  


Music is such a gift.  One I have always tried to share with Tate.  We did the Music Together series from the age of 5 months until 22 months (so 4 series), and he loved it.  I think it's time we went back.  


The heart of my child.  So pure.  So lovely.  And one that recognizes beauty even at the tender age of 27 months and was moved to tears over said beauty.  I am beyond blessed to have this wonderful child, this gift of God in my life.    

So Very Thankful!!

Tate did so very well on Friday.  My mother came over and spent the night with us on Thursday after having just returned from her 2 week Hawaiian cruise Wednesday night at midnight!  Have I mentioned how simply awesome she is?  We were up Friday morning at Tate's normal time of 545am.  I kept him in our room as I got ready and let him play a bit and do his favorite activity...reading books!  He is in LOVE with 'Green Eggs and Ham' these days.  (FYI...I love listening to him read out loud.  He actually does a fabulous job especially with his book 'Subway' his second favorite.  You can actually get the gist of the story by listening to him)

We were in the car on our way by 7am.  We arrived at the Surgical Center around 725am for our 730 appointment.  While Grandmommy read books and play with Tate, I filled out our paperwork.  He did start to get a bit grumpy;  this is a kid who has a huge bowl of cheerios, container of plain yogurt and an entire banana in addition to about 3 ounces of coconut milk every morning no later than 630, so this was quite a stretch for him.   He started going through my bags looking for a snack around 8am.  Lots of cuddles, books and song singing helped a bit.



At 820, the nurse came and took Tate and me back to the surgical suite.  The anesthesiologists and nursing staff were all so very warm, cheerful and kind.  Dr. B was in a great mood and since the case before us had cancelled or no-showed, he had time to tickle and play with Tate a bit which made me feel alot more at ease.  Once all the forms were signed I removed Tate's pajama top and put him in his Tasmanian Devil hospital gown and Nurse Lisa told me it was time for him to go.  I had been fine up until that point, but my heart just sank.  I gave my sweet boy a big hug and a kiss, told him I loved him and held him up for Lisa to gather into her arms.  And I missed him so much I ached.  But he went happily sucking on his sue-y and holding onto to his hippo.  And then I was fine.  The tears so close to the rim never spilled over as I felt this incredible peace come over me.  



I was back in the waiting room at 837 with my mom.  At 910 they came to get me to go be with my baby.  As we walked into the recovery room he was on his side covered in a warmed white blanket, his gorgeous eyelashes brushing his sweet cheeks.  His nurse was just rubbing his back and whispering into his ear, what I'll never know.  But I was so happy to see him being cared for by someone so very loving.  


As always, waking up from anesthesia is not the most pleasant of experiences.  I held him in my arms as he came around.  At first he was just whimpering, but he became a bit more vocal.  After going over all our post-op instructions we were on our way home by 940 with Grandmommy driving and me in the back with sweet Tate.

We took the rest of the day easy.  My mom stayed with him while I took his prescription to the pharmacy.  Poor  little guy was unable to walk initially from the caudal anesthesia utilized to numb him.  He simply did not understand that initially, but quickly took to crawling around once we were home.  The numbness blessedly lasted about 4 hours in his groin area though he was up and walking about 45 minutes after we returned home.  However, he did find it a hoot that he couldn't walk.

My mother left once I had Tate down for his nap.  I am eternally grateful for all she does for Tate and me, and to my father as well.  I know they were both extremely worried about this sweet boy of ours and the love and care they shower him as well as me with carries through those nights when I'm up alone with him as I was Friday evening around 1251am when he woke up crying because of his 'owie.'  I did give him a dose of Lortab when he went down for the night at 7am and gave him another dose when he woke then brought him into bed with me.  He slept fairly well the rest of the night waking around 530 ready to read 'Green Eggs and Ham' again, though complained about his owie quickly around 6.  During the days I gave him Ibuprofen which seemed to dull the pain quite a bit.  I am putting the neosporin-pain relief on his diaper in the area of his penis at each diaper change which seems to help.  And much to my surprise before I put him down for his nap both Friday and Saturday he asked to go potty on his potty chair and DID!  He hopped up both times after peeing screeching "Good Job Tate!"  Love it!!!

Saturday morning we had a pajama day, and it was just great!!  Just the two of us all morning (well and Vincent!).  We played, did laundry, chased each other, aggrieved the cat, read lots of books and had many a tickle fest and his favorite acrobatic activity of 'upside down baby.'  He napped well again, after peeing in his potty :) and we then ventured off to The Pumpkin Patch at the Nature Discovery Center here in town.  I was worried about putting him in the carseat and fastening the belt, but he didn't complain.  Though that pacifier was ever present this weekend along with his hippo, so how sad could he be?

We had a nice time at the Center.  It wasn't very crowded and the weather was perfect.  There was a moon walk obstacle course that of course Tate loved, loved, loved.  You would never know that a mere 24 hours earlier he was in the midst of a surgical procedure under general anesthesia!!  He painted a tombstone, rode yet another amusement park ride and walked through a mini pumpkin patch though he was not the least bit interested in bringing one home. 

Another uneventful evening though there some teary complaints about his owie at bedtime, so I gave him another dose of Lortab at 7; he awoke at 311am crying and crying about his owie.  My poor baby.  I gave him more Lortab because he was so sad.  He woke up at 625 in a great mood thank goodness.  We hung out at home and packed up our stuff to go spend tonight at my parents'.  (They are watching Tate for me tomorrow, as I'm uncomfortable sending him to daycare.  We have to lube up his diaper after every change to keep the area moist, so (1) he doesn't 'stick' to the diaper (2) right now with the neosporin it provides some pain relief.  We have to keep vaseline on it for 2 weeks after we stop the neosporin tomorrow.)  

So, we got here late this morning after a quick stop at Babies 'R Us for some new cute clothes for the little man.  We had lunch then took a 2 1/2 hour nap together!  I then did more Baby Tate shopping at Carter's while he hung out with Grandmommy and Papa.  He was in desperate need of winter cheap daycare clothes.  I refuse to send him in his cute, more expensive weekend clothes, because he comes home absolutely filthy from daycare.  Though that's a sign he's having a great time playing with his little friends.

So tonight I'm so thankful that my baby is sleeping soundly here at my parents' home.  They have lived in this house for about 6 years, so this isn't the house I grew up in.  I can't wait to show Tate the house I grew up in when he's old enough.  Sometimes I wish he could run around that old house of ours and maybe hear the laughter and fun that was left in the walls of that house.  

A new week starts tomorrow.  Off to work I go definitely not wanting to leave my sweet boy.  Though he'll be in great hands I'll miss him.  These 3 days together have been so wonderful.  I love these weekends when it's just the 2 of us so much.  Though I'm aware it makes for a very intense relationship between my son and me;  it's one I cherish.  As I held him tonight against my chest I was just overwhelmed with how very much I love being his mother, how much I love mothering this precious boy.  

Heart Pounding

I find myself here at work this afternoon heart pounding, with nerves a-flutter and very near tears.

Tate is having surgery tomorrow to remove some redundant tissue from the underside of his penis as well as to have his circumcision revised.  Actually the circumcision revision will take care of the redundant tissue/cyst whatever it's clinical name is.

General anesthesia.

Again.

As a medical professional I know general anesthesia, though carrying some risks, is relatively safe and that our anesthesiologist is a pediatric one and our pediatric surgeon is revered as one of the best in the country.

As a mother though I'm scared for my baby having to be put to sleep again.  Maybe I know too much, but I don't think it should be taken lightly.  And then there is my constant worry of 'Am I doing the right thing here?'  How long will he be uncomfortable or in pain?  How horrified is he going to be when they take him from me tomorrow to go back to the surgical suite alone?  How scared will he be when a group of strangers, one he has only met once takes him from the one person he has seen every single day of his life?  Please don't cry little boy.   Please little Tate.  The doc says he will treat him as his own, and I trust that to an extent, but he's not his own.  How upset will he be when we get home and he's hurting?  How will he understand that I really can't make it go away? 

Certainly I know on the scale of surgical procedures and outcomes I'm on the very, very good side.  I know that.  I'm grateful for that. 

But that doesn't make it any easier in this space and in this time.

I wish the procedure had been done 'better' the first time.  I wish I had been more proactive in my aftercare.  I wish, I wish, I wish...

My mom is coming with us, though she will probably be more nervous than me :)  But just the sheer making this decision alone is daunting.  And everyone perceives me as being this strong, confident, capable woman and mother, but I'm just a mess inside.  Full of worry and fear.  These are the times I desperately wish I had a partner in this child raising journey, someone to hold me when I'm scared, someone to talk this through with, someone to be as emotionally attached to  my child as I am who can reassure me 'WE are doing the right thing.'

But it's just me.  Just me and Tate ultimately. 

So tonight I will get on my knees and pray.  Pray that my loving God will guide the hands of his surgeon, that He will enable the anesthesiologist to make good and proper choices for Tate and to lift up the hearts and minds of  the nurses and all the other staff present in the room with my precious boy.  I'll pray that He'll be with Tate and with  me.  And I'll pray that when Tate is without me that God will wrap him up in His arms and keep him safe when I'm not there to do so myself. 

Excuse Me Guys

Excuse me guys.


That's what Tate says when he's cooking in his kitchen for his stuffed animals that he places in his chair next to his kitchen.  Once he's 'finished' making whatever 2 year olds make for their friends he moves them over to sit down with them all the while saying 'Excuse me guys' with his amazingly sweet little boy voice. I could listen to that voice all day long.

His new favorite book is 'Green Eggs and Ham.'  We have to read it every night, twice.  'More Green Eggs and Am?'  As we get to the end of the book when the Cat has decided to finally try the green eggs and ham I make this high pitch sound of 'AHHHHHHH' as in the sound of revelation.  Then Tate knows we are going to finish the book with bouncing and jumping around as the Cat has realized how 'so good so good' green eggs and ham are.  Tate LOVES this.


As we leave every morning he is sure to tell the cat to be good and watch the house, something I've always said to Vincent.  That voice just cracks me up.  As we go down the stairs, usually while counting each step...up to 15 now!...he will say 'Come on Tate' much like I used to do when I was rushing him to get out the door in a timely manner.   Now I have stopped that because I don't want him to always feel like I'm exasperated, but I'm gently reminded every day of my previous impatience.


His daycare uses the Abreka curriculum for teaching and he is thriving.  The song they sing for alphabet has him hooked.  I have to admit it's really catchy.  Alexander Alligator Alexander Alligator, A says aaa,  aaa...etc.  He loves Connie Cow, Dexter Donkey and Gomer Goat.  And he has really caught on to different letters outside of the song.  He now will say Mommy's name when we get to 'J'!  He also knows M is also for Mommy though that's not mentioned in the MMMs!!  And P is for Papa as well as L for Lindsey.  He's kind of getting G for Grandmommy, but I think the pronunciation of GR is a little confusing instead of the simple G.  


But my favorite is him knowing T is for Tate.  He'll be singing Timmy Tiger, Timmy Tiger T says ttt, ttt...etc.  Then he'll say 'T, Tate!  I love you Tate!'  OMG I thought I would fall over smiling and laughing the first time I heard him say that in the car.  Now every game or toy that he plays with that works on the alphabet ie his Scout laptop he adds 'T, Tate I love you Tate' when it gets to 'T'.  I love it!!


At night after we read stories we say prayers which he is sure to remind me if I 'forget'.  And now we have a small menagerie of stuffed animals with us...his Koala from his recent Build-a-Bear trip, his Corduroy bear  and his always present lovey, Hippo, oh and the sue-why...yes his pacifier....no idea how he came up with that but it's called a sue-why.  Anyway, I must pray with each animal then give them each a kiss as well as the pacifier then Tate gets his prayers and kisses which now include Eskimo kisses which I introduced him to this past weekend.  Last night he gently threw Koala and Corduroy off of me after prayers and kisses, saying 'Guys, guys, GUYS...Excuse me guys!'  Apparently they were taking up too much space on Mommy's lap.


I am so loving this age!!!


On an aside...we had a great weekend.  Swim lessons are still going great;  we go every Friday morning in a class of 4 for 30 minutes at Saint Street Swim and will continue to do so as long as we can.  We went to Gymboree on Saturday morning;  sometimes I have to force myself to take him because I'd just like to hang out at home, but he is always so excited to be there.  Saturday afternoon we headed out to watch Aunt Lindseys' soccer game;  she had gotten hurt in an earlier game, so we didn't get to see her play much, but Tate enjoyed being outside for a change with us.  Finally it has cooled off here!  Sunday it poured and poured, but I let him play out in the rain for just a bit...a first for him, not surprising considering that it hasn't rained here properly in months.  Sunday morning the church which 'sponsors' his daycare had asked the kids to come sing during the 9am service.  I was very disappointed to see how few of the parents brought their kids, but I was soooo proud of Tate.  He was such a big boy!!  He walked by me in the pews as requested and went up to the altar to perform.  And he did a great, great job!!  

 

  

So as we start this week, this Halloween month, this fall season, I am so fulfilled.  It just seems to me that in the past 2-3 weeks Tate and I have really come into our own.  We've really hit our stride as a family.  A family.  I don't think I ever really took to heart that he and I are a family.  And we are.  We have a life together that is so wonderful, so amazing.  It's one full of laughs, giggles, hugs, kisses, tears, joy, owies, glee, tickles, amazement, hope and most of all love.  We are love. And families are love. We are two lives living one life together.  Just the two of us.  No.  Not 'just' the two of us.  


THE two of us.

A Day at the County Fair!!

Tonight as I was rocking Tate before laying him in his crib I looked at his sweet face and said 'I had such a good time with you today sweet boy!'


And I did!!  I meant every single syllable.  I am so loving this age.  Loving it.  We went out just the two of us to the Fort Bend County Fair, and had a great time.  No meltdowns, no tears, no arguing (can 2 year olds argue?), just pure fun!!  It's so awesome to be able to communicate with my child.  When he wants something he can tell me...whether he always does is another story.  When he wanted to ride a ride a second time he told me.  When he was all done he could say all done.  When I told him it was the 'last time' he understood and didn't complain when he had to get off of a ride!!  We are a little team and I'm just loving it.  This little son of mine, my companion, my sweet little boy.  I almost cannot wait until he's in his 20s and we can be friends!!  :)

This was the Fort Bend County Fair out in Rosenberg very near where I grew up.  I was in the marching band, and the last time I was at this fair or maybe just the parade for the fair was in high school!!  (will not say how long ago that was!!!)  I decided to drive Tate out there this afternoon.  AND big news or milestone for us...I transferred him from the crib to the car in the middle of his nap!  Not an easy feat for several reasons, not including the fact that our bedroom is on the 3rd floor and I had to manuever around a whiny cat, and the plethora of toys Tate has strewn about on the second floor.  My next door neighbor is having some sort of very loud work being done on her house as well.  I put Tate down for his nap a little after noon.  I intended to catch his second sleep cycle and move him right before it, therefore being in the car and moving as he cycled through to the next 45 minutes (yes my child is like clockwork almost when he sleeps...he usually moves from the first 45 minutes to the next with no problems, but at least once a week he fully wakes after 45 minutes and I go lay down with him and he'll sleep over another hour!!) 

Anyway, I had the car packed and loaded, doors open.  The ride down to the fair is about 45 minutes, and I didn't want to go when he awakened because we would get home too late.  So I gathered him up in my arms, and gingerly walked down two flights of stairs.  He stirred a bit as I buckled him in, and then again as I shut my door, but we were golden after that!!  Woohoo!  He slept the entire way there!!  So I got my precious nap in for him!!

Once at the fair I changed his clothes (he naps in a onesie) and we were on our way in!  Got our tickets for the rides and oh my goodness what fun we had!!  I rode the first ride with him and another little girl...the teacup ride!!

After that ride he rode the rest by himself!!  They were all toddler safe and designed for them on their own!  This was his first time to ride a ride alone and he was not the least bit concerned, worried or scared!!  What an amazing boy I have!!

 

 

It was a fabulous day!  The weather here in Houston was amazing for a change.  Tate was in a great mood, and I was as well (after a rough start to my morning!  I'm doing the My Fit Foods 21 Day Challenge and this is day 2 and this sugar elimination is KILLING me.  I was beyond grumpy this morning, poor Tate.  I'm hungry, irritable and bah not enjoying the food as I'm a super picky eater!  But by the afternoon I seemed to get into the groove, and I'm so very excited!).  After a couple of hours we moseyed back to our car and began our drive back home.  We sang songs and relaxed.  Once home we had dinner together...he wasn't thrilled with my choice for his meal, and I wasn't thrilled with my My Fit Foods meal, but we persevered!!  He's sleeping the sleep of the angels!!  

Oh and did I mention he won a prize at the fair?!  Here he is with his new 'seal.'

I love my life!

A few videos of him on the rides!!!