I Cried Alot Today Mommy

Those are the words I heard as Tate was coloring his over-sized 'Planes' coloring pages on the floor this evening. 

"I cried alot today Mommy."

My heart broke into a million little pieces to hear my sweet 5 year old share his day with me.  Part of me wanted to rush over and drop to the floor beside him and pepper him with question after question.  But a bigger part of me knew I needed to just stay where I was by the kitchen counter while he shared with me what he needed to and wanted to with me.

I asked him why he cried alot.

He told me the boys were mean to him on the playground, that they wouldn't let him have the soccer ball.

I asked him why he thought they wouldn't let him have the ball.

He just shrugged, hunched over his Skipper picture, concentrating "I don't know.  They just wouldn't let me have it."  

He told me he cried two times.

Ugh.

He was so intent on his coloring, so his answers weren't coming quite quick enough.  Not quick enough for me of course.  Ultimately I made my way around the plethora of coloring pages to sit down beside him on the hardwood floor. 

I tried to get him to come sit closer to me for cuddles and comfort, not realizing he really needed neither at this point.  

I finally ascertained that about 5 or 6 boys play soccer every day, either at recess or in the morning before school starts.  Tate seemingly wants desperately into this little group of boys.  He mentions these boys playing soccer almost every day when telling me he played in the sandbox.  In any event, they wouldn't let him have the ball today, and it really hurt his feelings.  So he cried.

Now since I've watched him play soccer on the weekends I've had him tell me 'So and so wouldn't let me have the ball' when they are doing a scrimmage.  He does not seem to understand that the boys on the other team are supposed to keep the ball from him, so part of it is that he's not quite understanding that he needs to go get the ball.

But part of me also wonders if these boys simply aren't letting him be part of the group.

It sucks to be the new kid.

I just want to go shake each one of these boys and say "Let my boy play with you."

"Please."

I also know he needs to navigate these waters on his own.  But goodness is it hard.

All the while he kept coloring the sky blue around Skipper.

Then he said "I cried when B knocked me down."

Pure frustration on my part.

I asked if he told his teacher.  He said yes.  I asked what happened to B.  Tate said he had to sit out for a bit.

And, yes, B was one of the soccer boys.

Then Tate mumbled something about how B said something that wasn't really nice, and when I asked what he said, Tate said he couldn't tell me because he couldn't remember.  Then he said he couldn't tell me because he didn't hear him.

Sigh.

I asked if he told the teacher they were keeping the ball from him.  He said he did.  He said she told him to go get the ball, as did the police officer.  (The police officer is the gentleman providing security for the school...a sad testament to the life of a student in 2014 that security is so present in their day to day lives)

Now I know that was the right answer, well I think it was.  I assume the Mrs. K believes the boys were 'playing' soccer and that Tate needs to use his soccer skills to get the ball and 'move' it along the field.  And I hope that's the case and that they were not simply not allowing my son to be part of their play.  

He kept coloring while I asked my questions.

He wasn't upset.  He was just sharing his day.

Part of me was so very very happy that he felt comfortable enough to tell me this without me having asked him one thing about his day.  I was just standing by the counter looking over some paperwork when he piped up with his statement.  I pray, pray, pray that we continue this open dialogue in our home, that he knows he can tell me anything, and that I will always be on his side no matter what.

I did ask him a few times why he didn't go play with some of the other boys, and he simply said "But I wanted to play soccer with them."  I encouraged him to play with the other boys tomorrow like he was enjoying earlier this week.  Seems like he and R have a great time in the sandbox!  

But he wants to play soccer with them.

I finally convinced him to let me give him a hug and then I got up to make dinner.

At dinner I asked him what his favorite parts of his day were and he had some to share, so I think I'm more scarred than he is.

I so want him to be happy and to make friends.  I want him to feel like part of the group.  He's so funny, quirky, loving and happy.  

I know all of this just takes time.  More time than I'm allowing on this the 6th week of school.  I so want him to love going to school, and I know the social part of that love is almost as important as the formal education, especially at this young age.  I'm trying to give him the tools to make new friends, which he's never had to do.  I'm trying to role play with him to help be able to respond in difficult situations with confidence.  

Who knew kindergarten would be so hard?

So tonight as my sweet boy lays here beside me in bed I wish for him a happier day tomorrow with no tears.  I wish for him a better day where he gets the ball.  I wish for him a day full of love, joy, fun, giggles and laughter.  I wish for him a day where in kindergarten he learns...

1. Share everything.
2. Play fair.
3. Don't hit people.
4. Put things back where you found them.
5. CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS.
6. Don't take things that aren't yours.
7. Say you're SORRY when you HURT somebody.
8. Wash your hands before you eat.
9. Flush.
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
11. Live a balanced life - learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.
12. Take a nap every afternoon.
13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
14. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Stryrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
15. Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.” 
― Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

You Gotta Have Friends.....

What a fun weekend Tate had! 

Ok I had some fun too! 

But it was a friend filled weekend for my sweet boy which I definitely think he needed!!

Friday night we had our Mommy and Tate Game/Movie Night!!  A couple of rousing games of Zingo, Candyland and Boggle and we were ready for pizza and 'Cars 2'.

I pulled the loveseat close to the television, got our pizza out, my wine and Tate's milk, and we settled in for some Lightning McQueen.

It was the absolute worst movie ever.  Completely and totally inappropriate for children.  I was horrified...spy scenes, torture scenes, more gun violence than I think I've seen on a James Bond movie.  And yes seriously, a torture scene.  I tried covering Tate's eyes a few times.  Finally when he started crying, worrying about Mater getting killed (a word I don't think he should even know the meaning of, but he learned it from this movie!!!!) I said no more. But then he really started crying because he was so worried about Mater.  I ended up going to the Scene Selection and clicking on the very last scene, so he could see that all ended up ok!!  The entire movie was just over the top in innuendo, violence, inappropriate language and content.  And yes I don't let Tate watch a lot of movies...he's only seen both 'Planes', 'Frozen', and 'Cars 1' with me.  I do know he's seen a few more at his old daycare, some of which I was very disappointed to learn about, but far less than the average 5 year old.  So it could be argued that as he's not been as exposed to as 'much' that he's overly sensitive.  But I don't think my kid needs to know about torture and spies.  He's 5. 

Ok rant over in the middle of my happy post :)

We popped in 'Mickey Mouse Clubhouse' and enjoyed the rest of our evening!!!

Saturday morning we lazed about the house until our first birthday party of the day!  M turned 5, and his celebration was at the local pottery place that Tate and I love to frequent.  Tate painted a mini dinosaur and seemed to have a nice time.

We came home for some lunch, I did some laundry while Tate played with his trains and planes.   We made a quick trip to the library where we saw a gorgeous hummingbird!!!

 

We zipped off to the grocery store then we were off to the second birthday party!  G also turned 5, and his celebration was at Pump It Up!  Tate was soooo very excited.  He hadn't seen G since his birthday party in July.  We live a distance from G and his family, and when they move in a few months, we'll be even further apart, but it's extremely important to me that these two, along with H, continue this friendship.  Tate needs more friends of color as do I, so I want to foster these relationships as much as possible.  So I foresee some treks to the burbs for some years to come!

The kids jumped and played for a little over an hour.  It's quite interesting to watch boys play.  The pushing and shoving really unnerves me.  It was really interesting to also watch the dads who were there watching the boys play.  Where the moms and I would intervene, the dads, who I must say were watching as well, did nothing, stopped nothing.  And these dads didn't appear to be the rough and tumble kind of guys...a couple seemed downright nerdy, yet they still seemed not the least bit fazed by how their boys were playing.  While I don't buy into the whole 'boys will be boys' mentality, I also don't want to squelch Tate's maleness.  None of the boys were crying or fussing, although a couple looked aggrieved in a couple of instances.  I finally couldn't take it any longer and told Tate he had to keep his hands to himself.  Another mom was in agreement with me, and we had meeting of the "It's so hard to be a woman watching your boy get pushed and shoved, and he finds it fun" minds. 

After the party festivities we headed back to G's house with his family, along with our friends N and her daughter H. (We are the three families who went on the cruise together; these are the families I'm trying to stay connected with).  I changed Tate into his pjs before heading over as they are over 30 minutes away from us and I wanted him to fall asleep on the way home.

The kids played and G opened his presents.  And it was simply lovely.  These are the friendships I want to foster and maintain over my lifetime.

Sunday morning we went to church and Sunday School.  This is only Tate's second Sunday in Sunday School.  I went up to get him afterwards a little worried as he hadn't wanted to go, but when I walked up he was laughing and talking like he owned the place.

We then made our way to the zoo train...it was a gorgeous day!  On Friday I had been messaging with his friend Aaron's mom (from his daycare)....she mentioned they were going to ride the train on Sunday and asked if we'd like to join them.  Of course I said yes!  Though I didn't tell Tate in case plans fell through.  On our way to church I had told him, and he was ecstatic!  We met up for a quick train ride, whereupon Tate invited Aaron over to our house to play.  I've never seen two happier boys.  I still love how these boys love one another.  The relationships Tate forged at his daycare are amazing, and I hope long lasting.  We'll have to work to maintain these relationships as well, and I do see it as being more difficult as I don't connect with the mothers (or fathers) like I do with Gavin and Hailey's parents.  But I'll do my best because it's so very important to my Tate.

The boys played for a couple of hours after eating some lunch together.  Then Tate and I made our way to the grocery store and returned for some game playing, book reading and just hanging out together!! 

Always remembering.....

'A day spent with friends is always a day well spent.'

End of Summer Fun, Ok Middle of the Summer Fun in Houston

It almost appears as if our life stopped after Disneyworld and Tate's birthday.  Those last few weeks of summer were a whirlwind;  well summer hasn't stopped here yet...we're still in temps of high 90s and feels like temps of low 100s.  There's much more summer to be had in our lives.

So, the week after we returned from Florid, I had Tate in camp, the one where he had his anaphylactic reaction at the end of the week.  I'm forever grateful that the staff reacted so quickly and with clear heads to save my little boy's life.  We will never know what triggered his reaction or if he really and truly had an anaphylactic reaction.  We saw our pediatric allergist the following Friday, and he could not ascertain anything either.  We know his allergies, we avoid them;  this is the best we can do unfortunately.  We educate everyone who takes care of him and is around him.

And I pray.

I pray that God will protect my sweet boy when I'm not with him and even when I am with him.

I pray that God will give those caring for him the sense of mind to be ever so cautious and on guard with him to watch for signs and symptoms and to act with swiftness and care if ever there is a problem.

I pray that Tate outgrows his allergies or at least we find a cure.  I pray that God guides those who are searching for clues that they may find the answers we so desperately need to keep my boy alive and everyone else.

Then we live our lives with joy!

The day after his episode in the ER I took him to his last session of summer soccer.  The docs on Friday had not been too keen on him going, but I knew what to watch for, I felt confident he was ok and I didn't want to prolong what had happened to him in his mind by altering our schedule.  So one more hot morning of soccer it was!!!

The following week he went to his first week of Zoo Camp!  My parents were awesome and would take him and pick him up for me!!  They are simply amazing!!!  I picked him up early on Friday, and we were off to his allergist appointment...all went well and he was given the all clear.  Just in time as the next day was his birthday party!!  So much fun!!! 

He had a great time putting together the many Legos he got and trying to put together his new Razor bike from my friend Kelly (and her daughter S).  The putting together and taking apart entertained him all Sunday morning giving me time to recuperate from the festivities!!

He was so proud of himself!

On Sunday late afternoon we made our way to the Health Museum!  We had come when he was really small, and it was on our bucket list.  I remembered it being a small museum, so opted to go towards the end of the day, especially since he wanted to play with all his new toys :)  We had a nice time;  it's not a very crowded museum, so you have plenty of time and opportunity to touch as much as you want!

We had to spend tons of time on the teeth of course!

This was his favorite exhibit!

Most of those pics are blurry because he was in constant motion the entire time!!!

More zoo camp came the following week.  Thursday afternoon my dad picked him up from zoo camp and took him to swim lessons.  I drove over to swim lessons after work and took Tate back to my office happy hour welcoming our newest dentist to the practice.  Yep my kid at another happy hour!!

I promise that's milk in his cup!

I picked him up early again on that Friday to take him to get his chicken pox vaccine.  The camp was winding down for the summer that week, and they gave him a popsicle to go!!

Saturday morning we made our way to the Children's Museum.  I picked up our friend Hailey for this fun!  It was a great Saturday capped off with lunch at the French Fry Place!

H told Tate he's going to be her husband when they grow up!
That was his response!

Sunday we went to the Tomball Railroad Depot with my dear friend Palmi and her son Alonzo!   This place was awesome!  There was a sweet older gentleman who gave us a tour and a brief history of the depot.  The kids got to run around and learn some history!  Of course, Palmi and I were a bit more intrigued than the boys were :)  But it was great fun.  Afterwards we let the boys play in the spray park...they had a blast!!

 

Such joy!

Afterwards, Tate and I headed to my parents' for a few days.  My dad thought Tate needed some downtime without running off to camp or daycare, so my parents offered to keep Tate for me for a few days.    The first two days Tate didn't want to go anywhere.  My dad offered to take him to the mall and play on the escalators...Tate said he needed to rest.  The next day they offered to take him to the Railroad Museum;  again he said he needed to rest.  They insisted he go out and about on Wednesday, taking him to the Railroad Museum where he had a ball.

I opted to send Tate to his old daycare for a couple last days before school started the following Monday.  It was such a bittersweet week for me.  I could not believe these were the last days we would park in the parking lot, walk across the threshold of where Tate had spent at least 4 days a week, 10 hours a day for 4 years.  Four years.  The most formative years of his life.  These women, these teachers had been his family when we were apart.  These boys and girls, his siblings.  He, Leo, Maggie and Alicen had been together since Tate was 11 months ago.  They had spent every waking day together practically.  Even the kids he hadn't been in class with for all four years, he had seen and played with on a daily basis.  The school is tiny with only 70 kids and 16 teachers.  These kids are bonded.  As was I.  As was I.

My sweet boy was done with daycare.

That evening his BFF's parents hosted a last hurrah for the kiddos!  I had to work all day, so I asked another mom to take Tate for me! Thank goodness she was willing to do so for me!  The festivities started around 4...I arrived around 630!!  The kids had an absolute blast!!!

Tate's first time playing football!!!

Running for the play! 

I will be forever grateful to this amazing place where Tate learned to read, do math, write, make friends,  and most of all to love.  I pray he never loses these memories.

Saturday we went to a birthday party at the Museum of Natural Science.  There was a great tour of the Dinosaur Exhibit and then a magic show.  Tate was the first to volunteer as the Magician's Assistant!

They let the kids  feel part of the
exhibit.  Why the kids felt the need to smell
the stuff was beyond us!

The following day was the day before kindergarten;  the day of the ice cream social.  We had a Mommy and Tate Day where we just hung out, running errands, but having no other real plans.  I had him try on his uniform...

Then we made our way to the kindergarten social of which I've written about.  Here he was playing before the little boy pushed him...playing alone, but playing.  I'm so very glad these days are behind us.

That night I took him out to start a tradition of dinner for our family the night before the first day of school.  Of course we went to French Fry Place...his choice.  Just so happens that their a/c was out.  It was 101 degrees outside.  Yes, we stayed.  And yes we ate outside.  We tried sitting inside, but I could not handle it.  We persevered in the misery of 100 degrees.

It was great fun!!  Then we came home and read lots of books about starting kindergarten.

We had our first week of school.  I took him and picked him up the first two days.  My parents picked him up the next two days, and since I was off on that Friday I was able to pick him up!  I have decided to hire a babysitter to pick him up and bring him home or take him to any of his activities.  The school does have an after care program, but it's only until 6pm.  There is alot about that that doesn't work for my family.  I would probably never get there until 6pm with traffic.  Thus Tate would be in aftercare with a group of kids a bit older than him for 3 hours after school gets out.  He needs to be in bed, preferably asleep by 730.  My picking him up at 6pm would not put us home until 6:15 at the earliest.  I'd like to not spend the minimal time I get with my son cajoling him to eat the dinner I've prepared, which I have no idea when I would have time to do so, even if I plated it the night before, hurrying him to take a bath, do his homework or at least looking at the homework he's done or the work he's done that day, getting him in his pjs and ready for bed with stories.  There is no way I could do that in at most 75 frantic minutes.  What kind of life is that for my child?  Or me?

I explained all that to my parents.  My dad was so funny;  he just couldn't wrap his mind around why I would want a 'stranger' picking up Tate.  So much so that he offered to do it for me for this first year.  

I was shocked.  And grateful.  And thrilled.

Shocked because that requires him to drive at least 30 minutes to and from his house to get Tate and actually probably taking 45 minutes to get home with rush hour.

Grateful because I would never have to worry about Tate's safety with my dad and/or my mom.

Thrilled because I so want Tate and my dad to have a fulfilling relationship.

But I also worried that my dad would not get on the floor and play with Tate.  That he would bring Tate home and turn on the tv and watch the news.  I knew he wouldn't want to go to the park and play especially when it's hot outside.  I wondered about the parties Tate might get invited to on a weekday...no way would my dad want to go hang out with a bunch of women at Pump It Up.

So I decided to have my dad get Tate one day a week and I hired a babysitter to pick him up three days a week.  I really like her so far, and Tate seems to as well.  Even better she's trained as a medical assistant and she knows CPR!  She works Tuesday-Thursday and my dad does Mondays.

I've signed Tate up for soccer after school.  I didn't do it because I think he loves soccer so much;  I did it because it's done by grade and his team is his own classmates (well, both classes were welcome to sign up, but that's only 22 kids).  I want to foster friendships for him outside the classroom, and I want him to feel like part of the group sooner.  Hence my son who hates to sweat is now playing soccer for an hour right after school one day a week :).

He went to his first birthday party the Saturday after school started.  I so didn't want to go.  I just wasn't looking forward to having to spend the morning making small talk with people I didn't know.  I'm just so very shy, and these kinds of activities are so hard for me.  But again I want Tate to feel welcome, so we went.  And it was more fun than I thought it would be.  Everyone was really nice and made me feel welcome.  

The party favors were a lego set with a tube of mini M&Ms.  There were about 15 sets of 'boy' legos...Star Wars, Ninjago etc and about 6 or 7 of the 'girl' lego sets.  Tate quickly chose the 'girl' lego set.  Of course one dad gave him a look and the host dad who was showing the two boys getting the legos at that time (one of the boys being Tate) was only pointing out the boy legos to them.  When Tate expressed such keen interest inthe purple set he quickly offered those to the boys as well.  As we were leaving the mom of the birthday boy saw Tate's choice (after giving me a hug :) ) and said "Oh no!  Were there no more boy legos left?  I'll bring him one on Monday!"  I quickly assured her Tate chose the girl legos.  

Already so interesting!!!

My birthday came and went on August 25!!  I turned 47!!  I cannot believe it!  My mom's birthday is two days after mine, so we always celebrate together.  This year was no different.  The family gathered at my parents' house for lunch on the 24th.

On the evening of my birthday I enlisted my parents to babysit and I arranged a dinner out with some of my closest girlfriends including my awesome sister!  It was a fantastic evening of girl talk, love and happiness.  I am so very blessed with the amazing people in my life!

 Forty-seven amazing years.  And goodness am I so very lucky.  I have such amazing parents.  I'm surrounded by the love of a fantastic family.  My friends, goodness, I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for, most of them have been part of my life for more than a quarter of a century.  I know I'm so very lucky to have people in my life that have been there for so long.  God has been so amazing in my life.

That amazement is never as obvious in this little boy I get to raise.  This son He blessed me with.  My sweet sweet Tate.  

My family is complete.   

My life is complete.