Trains and Princesses

Just some fun Tate tidbits at 3y2m3d old!

In the past 2 weeks he has started breaking into song.  It's so very cute!!  He routinely sings "I've Been Working on the Railroad" (this should shock noone), "The Farmer and the Dell" (of which I have no idea where he heard it;  I suppose at school...he gets frustrated because I can't help with the words when he misses some!),  "A Ram Sam Sam" (song from our music class) and a few others.  It's so super cute and I love hearing his little voice sing relatively on key.

He is still in love with Sammi.  110%.  Tonight he told me "I'm going to Sammi's birthday this weekend" (nope not her birthday, nor do I know when it is).  "I'm going to be funny with Sammi, Isla (Sammi's age appropriate sister) and Noah (the newly turned 7 year old son of one my dear friends).   Everything he does at school he's going to show to Sammi.

Just today, he started ended all of his sentences with "...right, pal?"  Yep calling me pal.  So funny.

He readily climbs in and out of the crib at night when going to sleep to pick up a dropped stuffed animal, turn the lullaby music on or off depending on his mood or to go to the bathroom.  He always climbs right back in.  It seems to have totally escaped him that he could just stay out and play.  Apparently, he listened when I told him he needs to stay in his crib until I come get him after night or nap time.  During the naps when he doesn't sleep, but stands and piddles around for the required hour in the crib, he does not climb out.  Love this child.

He's still just so very polite.  So sweet.  If he feels he has wronged you or made a mistake, he is quick with a "Sorry Mommy, sorry."  Always at the appropriate moment;  well sometimes an apology is not necessary, but I so appreciate his thinking he needs to apologize...what an amazing heart he has.

He's becoming more cuddly and I of course love that.  He wants to snuggle after he gets out of the tub as soon as I get the towel on him.  He burrows into my chest for some amazing hugs.

He loves putting on make-up with me.  He has his favorite brush that he holds and dips into my Chanel powder (I can't believe I let him play with my Chanel!).  He doesn't usually put it on his face, but like to swipe it across the lid a few times to get some powder particles on it.

At nighttime, after dinner has been eaten and dishes cleaned, we hang out in the living room for a bit...sometimes for 10-15 minutes sometimes just for 5 minutes.  It all depends on how quickly we got home, and whether we've skyped with my parents.  I'll head on upstairs to put the water in the tub and get everything ready for his bath.  I simply tell him "You can play with 'whatever he's playing with that night' for 2 more minutes, then come upstairs for your bath bath please".  "Ok Mommy."  Every. Single. Time. He's always upstairs before the water is finished filling the tub!  I cannot remember when he's refused to come upstairs.  How awesome is that?

I could go on and on about this fantastic child of mine.  And though our mornings have been a bit challenging lately...I can't even usually figure out what the tears are about...not enough oatmeal, the wrong spoon was laid out, there wasn't enough milk in the bowl, why can't I watch Thomas on a school day (I do not allow any television, computer/phone video, screen time during the week), or sometimes I'm absolutely in the dark.  But we've had tears every morning for almost 2 weeks.  I've stopped getting upset and simply walk away and get myself dressed and/or feed the cat.  He usually calms down and will eat once I suggest we simply leave breakfast and go ahead and get dressed for school.  The tears and crying ratchet up for a couple more minutes when that is threatened and usually calm and relent and breakfast is finished.  Who knows?

But otherwise he's so very funny, loving, happy, so easy to be around.  I simply love hanging out with him.  Going to the grocery store is fun....he sits in the cart happily, always has...insists upon riding in it...he dances to the music being played and hugs me as we toodle around the store.  Playing outside and watching him pedal with all his might brings me so much joy.  Watching him play with our little 7 year old neighbor whom he adores makes me laugh.  He will get out his little trike to 'go riding' but inevitably rides to her house, looks back at me shyly whilst walking up the steps to her house.  Though I tell him to knock first for some reason he thinks he can simply open the doors to other people's homes.  He's done that since before he was 2...so funny.  

And the trains.  The trains.  This boy loves, loves, loves himself some trains.  Any and all trains.  Thomas the Train, steam trains, trams, cabooses, freight trains.  Train tracks and train signals.  He could spend hours like this.  On the floor.  It's his mecca.

Oh and he loves anything and everything princess.  He got that Belle figurine from a birthday party last week for his little friend Sofia.   

Motherhood is better than I could have imagined.

Life is good.

God is great.

Hurricane Ike Hits Houston and Other Early Fall 2008 Happenings - Tate's Birth Story Continues

Hurricane Ike roared into Houston on Saturday, September 13, 2008 in the wee hours of the morning.  If you've never been in a hurricane; well I hope you never have to experience one.  I was hunkered down with my parents in Sugarland along with my sister Lindsey, her friend Cody from grad school and my cat Vincent.  I don't remember much, but walking outside around 10pm on Friday night you could feel the wind picking up, the air was thick and humid and it was simply eerie.  Fear and emotion practically wrapped around you as the wind whipped the trees back and forth.

I was supposed to be on a cruise ship that very night.  Actually I was supposed to have left that Thursday the 12th for my dear friend's bachelorette cruise...a four day extravaganza on a floating party boat! We were headed for Cozumel out of Galveston, returning that Monday.  Surprisingly, the ship still set sail.  Yes, the ship set said INTO a hurricane.  As late as Thursday early afternoon, we were still undecided about whether we would go.  5-6 girls had flown in from around the country and the rest of us (the female part of our tribe) were here in Houston.  The cruise line was refusing to offer any sort of refund or voucher for a future cruise.  If the boat left, you were either on it or forfeited your money.  We were livid.  Mind you this storm had already killed almost 100 people; it had decimated Cuba and Haiti and it was most definitely headed our way.

But if you weren't on the boat, your financial loss.

Our feelings were even if we did get on the boat, our cars could be destroyed down at the docks by storm surges (though I suppose we could have gotten rides to the dock and good thought as all those cars were flooded).  Another concern was the immense nausea and motion sickness many of us were sure to suffer from.  We were assured by Carnival staff when we finally reached them, they would have plenty of medical staff on board to assist us.  (oh happy happy joy joy).  Also, even if the boat did leave, when might we be able to get back to Texas.  Our concern was the dock being completely destroyed by Ike (which actually occurred) rendering us unable to return to Houston for quite some time.  Which also happened...the boat was re-routed to New Orleans if I'm not mistaken and getting back to Houston was very difficult for those DUMB enough to have gone out on it.

We opted not to go.  And by the grace of God our travel agent got our money refunded.  This took alot of irate calls on her part, and I believe she threatened to not do business with them anymore.  It took weeks to get the refunds, but so glad we did.  But there were hundreds and hundreds who were out their money once they didn't board.

I had spoken to Christian earlier that Friday and updated him on our situation.  And it was dire.  I was more scared than I had ever been.  The winds on this storm were horrific...we were anticipating winds of more than 110mph.  Do you have any idea how strong that is?  And the breadth of this storm was absolutely frightening, and the fact that it was producing sustained winds of that speed was mind-boggling.

We blew up my parents' air mattress, and we 'kids' opted to sleep in the living room as far from windows as we could.  I had taped all my windows on Wednesday and Thursday.  All my artwork was removed from my walls and placed in closets.  I boxed up all my fine crystal and any breakables I didn't want destroyed in the event of a flood.  I moved as much furniture from my first floor to my second as I could.  Nothing was left in the closet downstairs that couldn't be destroyed.  Towels were placed along windows in case the wind blew water so hard it seeped in (this water was coming horizontally and vertically).  I loaded up my car with as much as I could to have with me at my parents' home.  You see I live about 60 miles north of Galveston;  my parents are a bit more southwest.  We realized my home could feasibly receive more damage, and for some reason having your 'stuff' with you makes you feel better all the while knowing you could lose it where you take shelter.  I had any and all photo albums with me, really anything of sentimental value loaded in my car and put in their home.

The night grew darker and more quiet.  Around midnight, we were all just exhausted;  power had been lost and it was eerily quiet...the calm before the storm.  I fell asleep only to be awakened by a frantic, scared Lindsey.  'We have to all get in Mom and Dad's closet.  Now.'  We woke Cody up and we traipsed into the closet with my parents.  Well my dad stayed in the bedroom.  We huddled under blankets and tried to listen to the battery operated radio.  (and I tried to convince Vincent to stay with us).

My dad insisted everyone keep their shoes on.  His only deference to the storm.  His feeling...if we need to evacuate quickly everyone should already have on shoes.  No looking for shoes.  Okay.  It made sense.  But after 2 hours I had to take my shoes off.  I was willing to take my chances.

If you've never been in the midst of 100+ mile an hour winds let me tell you it's horrible sounding.  And when it goes on for an hour or more you begin to think it's never going to stop.  I could hear objects flying around our house, hitting our house, hitting the neighbors' houses.  The rain, oh the rain...constantly pelting cars, houses and the pavement.  This went on for hours.  The wind did dissipate after 90-120 minutes, but it continued.

In the midst of this I got a call from my alarm company.  This was around 3am.  The alarm had sounded.  They pinpointed the point of entry as being my downstairs balcony doors.  I was in tears, hysterical almost.  In my mind, I could see water just gushing in and destroying my home.  The alarm technician was so very kind as I explained he was calling me IN HOUSTON and that we were undergoing a hurricane.  He was so sympathetic as I cried.  Though we both knew there was nothing to be done, he said he would alert the authorities knowing full well they were not going out in this weather to investigate.  For we knew this was not a break-in, it was Ike hammering away at my home 30 miles away from where I was.

I calmed down realizing there was absolutely nothing I could do until I could return home and see the damage.  We came out of the closet, removed our shoes and decided to get some sleep.  Flashlights were turned off.  Candles were extinguished and morning was wished for.

Morning rolled around, though in the dark as my parents' home was without power along with millions of others in Houston and the surrounding area.  My sister, dad, Cody and I loaded up into my dad's SUV and made our way to my house so I could inspect the damage as soon as we could.  I don't remember exactly what time we made our way onto the highway, but it was probably mid to late morning.  

The devastation we saw along our drive was heartbreaking.  I really have no words, so I'll post this link of some of the best pictures of the aftermath of Ike.

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/09/the_short_but_eventful_life_of.html

Here are the pictures I took.  They are far from great, not even good as I was in a moving vehicle.

It's really hard to see the huge damage, but these streets are only 1-2 blocks from my home. 

Finally, we were at my house.  I rushed in fully expecting to see my first floor under water.  Thankfully, it wasn't.  The balcony door wasn't open, but the wind had pounded it enough to make it wobble and set off the alarm.  There was some minimal water on the floor, easily mopped.  I did have some water in the closet on the first floor.  I pulled up the carpet and left the door open to help it dry.  Power was out and would be out for 17 long days.

And my fish had died.  Rather, Matilda's fish that the 4 year old had gifted me when she moved with her family to North Carolina early that summer had died.  Meh, I didn't like the fish anyway...goodness a fish tank is ALOT of work.  How ironic that a rain storm a.k.a. water killed the fish.  Well I believe with the power out the pump stopped working.  Meh.  Vincent was the only sad member of the family.

We trudged back to my parents' house and amazingly their power came back on later that afternoon.  Centerpoint had their work cut out for them.  My office was without power for about a week, rendering me paycheck-less for a week.  No work=No pay.  But 17 days was nothing;  there were people without power for more than a  month.  In fact, one of my assistants at work was driving to College Station to shower every couple of days as her entire neighborhood was powerless for so long (remember that renders water and pottys useless) and the university offered up their gymnasium showers for certain neighborhoods.

I know this for a fact...If ever this country was under siege or attacked we would likely not survive, not because of the attack, but because we are truly unprepared for a disaster.  100% unprepared.  I stood in line with my mother Tuesday or Wednesday after the storm to get some minimal groceries for an hour outside in the sweltering heat.  People looked like they were in a war zone...unkempt, hot, tired, sweaty dirty, shell-shocked.  Ice was at a premium across the city.  People were sharing electricity.  If one side of the street had power, large extension cords were being strewn from one house to the house across the street to provide some relief from the heat, humidity and the dark.  (this was frowned upon by the powers that be)  But to see my fellow Houstonians scrounging in the grocery stores for any morsel of food was heartbreaking.  Everything was picked over.  Trucks could not make it in for deliveries because gas was so hard to be obtained.  If you hadn't stocked up on water upon water upon water you were out of luck.  And ice, well no reason to have ice if you don't have electricity...how are you going to keep it cold?  Bare necessities.  Bare necessities.

I cannot imagine what those people in New Orleans went through during Hurricane Katrina.  But I get their desperation, their loss of hope, their feelings of helplessness.  And I know this for a fact as well...this country learned from Hurricane Katrina.  It was a whole different ballgame here in Houston and Galveston.  Help was swift and immediate.  The government was all over us.  But I will always, always wonder is it because Houston is such a wealthy city?  I truly believe money talks.  And honestly, race matters.  I'll leave that at that.

I returned home 2 1/2 weeks later.  Tape came down.  Towels were put away.  Photo albums were returned to their rightful place.  I went back to work and back to the matter of trying to have a baby.

Yes, I was trying to get ready to have a baby.  Preparing my body to get pregnant

In preparation (I had started much of this that summer in July), I drank no liquids with meals at my acupuncturists' recommendation.  I drank no caffeine and no alcohol.  I avoided sandwich meat and tuna.  I wore a sleep mask every night with the exception of the night before, of and after expected ovulation.  I got enough sleep and did yoga for fertility at home as often as I could.  Every morning as soon as I woke I very gently rolled toward my nightstand and grabbed my thermometer to take my BBT.  I charted my temps dutifully as well as any and all symptoms of ovulation.  I also checked my cervix with a speculum almost daily to actually see when I was ovulating and to check my EWCM.  The female body is absolutely amazing, amazing.  I could tell beyond a shadow of a doubt when I was ovulating.  Maneuvering my body into position to do this wasn't easy, but once I got the hang of it I was good to go.  And I'm so very glad I did it.  I kept my laptop off my lap and my cell phone out of my pocket.

I took my pre-natal vitamins.  I did acupuncture once a week and did my homework from my acupuncturist daily...massaging fertility 'spots' on the body and breathing exercises.  I watched my diet in addition to that mentioned above.  I was probably in the best shape mentally and physically of my life.

Christian and I talked often and he was dutifully wearing the boxers I bought him, keeping his laptop OFF his lap and taking his manly 'pre-natal' vitamins.  He was trying to remain stress-free and avoiding alcohol as well.  In addition he was willing to abstain from any and all forms of sexual activity 5 days before our first insemination coming up in later October when he and his boyfriend came to the states.

I was ready to make this baby.

My girlfriend's wedding had to be postponed as the church she was supposed to get married in was completely destroyed by Ike.  I went to San Antonio for a weekend with another girlfriend and we had a great time...although partying on the Riverwalk sans alcohol is not nearly as much fun as it is after a few margaritas.  But I persevered and took my temperature and enjoyed myself immensely.

Remember the Alamo!!!

Then it was October 23, 2008 and Christian flew into Houston.

My Privilege

Tate seems to be adjusting pretty well to his new daycare class.  PRESCHOOL!!  He is always telling me something Ms. J has said or told him to do or not do.  So very cute; he really likes her.  He has struggled quite a bit with napping;  in fact last week he skipped napping 2 days and only slept a small part of the time another day.  Two days he did ok.  I took in a lovey for him thinking that would help to no avail last week.  He also had several pottying accidents last week.  Poor little guy.  He had been having trouble with napping since he started, but last week was by far the worst.  So though he has been in the room for a full month as of today I think it's been a hard transition for him.  This week though he napped really well each day.  Except today!!  No nap at all today!  And I know he had to be exhausted.  He didn't fall asleep until 9pm last night and was up around 3:40am crying off and on for about 5-6 minutes (I didn't go to him;  I let him sort himself out) and then up for good by 6am.  Add in swim lessons this morning and he should have been absolutely exhausted.  No dice.  Tonight he didn't want to go to bed he said, and cried quite a bit, but I rocked him to sleep and he was out by 7:20pm.  Of course he also had some benadryl on board as he's been coughing since last night.  It's a post nasal drip/allergy cough per his physician.  It's off and on, but got markedly worse today.  Ms. J thinks that's what prevented him from falling asleep...he was coughing constantly.  I've got the dry cough as well;  it's like a constant tickle in my throat that doesn't tickle.  I've been giving him Zyrtec since Monday night, but not his Singulair as I was hoping to wean him off the Singulair.  However, the Zyrtec doesn't help his coughing at all.  (I also wonder if the drowsiness it causes has helped him nap!  Though he falls asleep later at night when he takes those 2 hour naps...say 8:30, though he's in the crib between 7:45 and 8).  And I don't like giving him Benadryl, but boy does it knock out his cough.  His pediatrician doesn't seem keen on it, as she's always telling me to try Allegra or Claritin, but the Allegra totally hyped him up, so ummm no.  Maybe we'll try Claritin.  I believe they're both 24 hour drugs like Zyrtec and the Benadryl is q6h, but I only give it to him at night.  Sigh.

Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be a vent about his sleeping because that is just a blip in his life.  He is so damn cute these days I could just eat him up.  In addition I've totally changed my outlook on mothering thanks to my SMC friend Abby who in the post linked there said she finds it a privilege to care for her daughter.  A privilege.  

And it is a privilege for me to be raising this young man.  A real privilege.  God could have given this sweet soul to any number of mothers AND fathers on this planet.  Anyone, but He chose me.    I have looked at Tate with new eyes since that post of Abby's.  And it's been eye-opening.  It's almost as if Tate sees me seeing him differently.  It's amazingly beautiful.  I love this child, this person, this soul.  He's funny, he's loving, he's cute, he's quirky, he's joyful, he's special, he's mine.  It is truly my privilege to share my life with him.

He's still changing every single day.  Learning new things, doing new thing.  His new big thing is saying "MOM!!  Watch this!"  And then he does something like hop up and down, or walk from sofa to the ottoman (because the first time he said 'Watch this' and jumped from sofa to ottoman he got in big trouble :)  ).  Or when he does a forward roll.  When we're pulling into the driveway, anywhere, he'll say "When the song is over!", meaning he doesn't want to get out until the song is over.  He likes being able to get out of the car and clamor into the front passenger seat and push the button to turn my car off.      After bathtime as we sit on the floor on a huge fluffy towel, he says, every single night "I'm cold."  I put his towel over his head and around him as he faces away from me on the floor then he turns around and cuddles me like nobody's business. He burrows his head into my chest and throws his arms around me and truly won't let go for 3-5 minutes.  It's glorious.  He adores his BFF, Leo.  Anything Leo does, Tate does (though I wish he would be a bit more of a leader sometimes).  He listens really well.  I mean he has his moments, but for the most part he is an excellent listener and does what is asked for him, especially by his teachers and anyone in authority, other than me :).  He's doing so fantastic at swim lessons.  I'm just so impressed by him and his ability (Christian was a semi-professional swimmer, so this shouldn't surprise me).

I've signed him up for most of the extra-curriculars at school.  Mondays he does soccer and he loves it.  In fact, Leo cried the first couple of times until he saw Tate out running about enjoying himself.  Tuesdays he does dance!  So very cool.  On Thursdays he is continuing with gymnastics.  I just love all that his little school offers.  Obviously, we're still doing swimming on Friday mornings and we just started the next session of Music Together classes on Saturday mornings last week.  I'm surprised by how much he still enjoys the music classes.  

We seem to have started birthday party mania!  I truly hope we don't become the family that has birthday parties every weekend, both days.  Luckily, his daycare is super small and there are only 7 kids in his class.  I'm not one to want to go to birthday parties for kids whose parents I never ever speak to...I find that so weird especially when my kid is 3.  There are a couple of families whom I really like in his class and a couple whose kids had to be split into the younger preschool class.  Those parties we readily attended/ will attend.  Otherwise, no.  I also hope to not be the mom who invites the entire class to his parties when he's in elementary school.  I mean seriously I've been to parties where there were 30-40 kids present.  (a) The sheer cost of that overwhelms me (b) It seemed to me the parents of the birthday child didn't even speak to half of the parents present (c) The amount of gifts is sheer insanity.  No child needs that many gifts.   

However, we've enjoyed the parties we've attended (I've turned down several invitations usually because the parties were during his naptime).  I'm certain to do my best to attend the parties of my friends' kids (LOL).  In fact we're off to one tomorrow for my sweet friend's son who is turning 7.  Tate will have a blast as he's with all these kids all the time...our urban tribe.  And I love that there is a nice age range...everyone gets to be older and younger.

We went to a party last week.  I didn't know anyone else there except the mother of the birthday girl and the two moms from Tate's school.  I made like glue and stuck with Sonya :)  Our kids did the same...

I've lamented several times about having to spend 10 hours a day away from Tate while I work.  Very often when I come to pick him, I take a few seconds, a minute or two, to watch him.  I so enjoy seeing who my little boy is when I'm not around.  It's just about my favorite part of pick-up besides when he races to me screeching "That's my moooommm!!"  Here's what I saw on Wednesday...

My little guy, just hanging out, reflecting it seems.  Taking care of the girls.  Such a gentleman.  

I just love this boy.  

It is my honor, my privilege to care for him.

What a Week!! - Tate's Birth Story, Part IV

After the festivities of the weekend, and some downtime for Christian to recover from his jetlag and the overwhelming welcome he received our week started in earnest that Monday, my birthday.  We had several appointments with the RE over the course of that week.

I had an HSG which was pretty cool;  I even let Christian be in the room with me.  He got his first look at the inner goings-ons of the female body :).  All was clear with me save a few cysts and a small fibroid tumor.  (It was recommended I have it removed before we did an IUI or IVF to increase my chances of becoming pregnant)  Christian provided his uh, samples, a few times, as well as some of his blood :) complete with a fainting spell by him!  I gave up my arm as well.  We both started on supplements, though I was already on pre-natals I increased my folic acid dosage as recommended.  He took some to increase sperm count, motility and mobility.  All of his numbers came back well within normal limits, but as we planned to try on our own until the 6 month quarantine was up, we opted to go ahead with supplementation for him.  All of his testing came back negative which meant we were on our way.  And as his last HIV test had been almost 6 months prior and negative I was 100% comfortable moving forward with home insemination. 

This is where we spent several hours over the course of 2 days....

(Christian did take several other interesting pictures chronicling our time at Dr. Allon's office.  I doubt I will ever share those with Tate, at least not in a public forum :) )

We also met with an attorney to  hash out our initial donor contract.   She asked us to just brainstorm about what we wanted this contract to be about, what we wanted it to say.  She had a template for our use, but wanted Christian and I to really take some time to just say what we felt out loud, no judgement from each other,  what we thought we wanted from this endeavor beyond me simply having a baby.  One of Christian's main concerns is that this child-to-be know how very much he loved and wanted him/her.  He didn't want this to seem like a simple legal transaction void of emotion, love or caring.  Just looking at him as we discussed him terminating his rights was hard for me.  I think this is when he began to realize what he was truly giving up.  Yet, if he couldn't do this, I couldn't move forward with him as my donor.  And I know he knew in his mind and in his heart he was not doing anything wrong or unloving, but it sure is hard to see it that way when you see those words on a piece of paper,  termination of parental rights.  So we spent some time with the attorney getting the true legal stuff started and opting to give ourselves some time to figure out how to realize that this piece of paper, this donor agreement, was protection for both of us.  Because it was protection for both of us... preventing me from going after him for financial support (as well as hopefully the government) and preventing or at least making it much more difficult for him to take MY child away from me.  This was probably our hardest appointment of the week.  We walked out of that office holding hands, but in utter silence.

Between doctor visits and my working a couple of days we found time to enjoy one another and getting to know each other.  We spent many a night just talking in my living room about anything and everything.  It was as if we'd known each other forever.

My dear friend Susan and her husband Dan wanted to spend some time getting to know Christian one-on-one.  You know give him a true working over by concerned loving friends.  Under the auspices of taking me out to celebrate my birthday, they were able to grill him mercilessly.  Ok, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it was fun to see him squirm just a bit .  We went out to Taste of Texas and enjoyed some fantastic steak, wine and friendship.

The girls!

The boys!

The Texans were playing that week, so I got us great seats for the game that Thursday evening against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  Yes!  I'm a huge Texans fan!!  If ticket prices weren't so astronomical I would take Tate, but I'm not paying those prices to stay for 30-45 minutes.  So hopefully, in a couple of years we can go!!!

Pre-game :)

Watching our boys warm up!  The fabulous Reliant Stadium!

Love me some football!!

We ventured down to Galveston for a day, went by the beach, had a lazy afternoon strolling along the sea wall and just enjoying each other's company.  Since that first trip to Galveston, Christian has loved it, so we try to go back whenever he's here and bring Tate along with us.

Driving back to Houston at dusk from Galveston

We braved the steaming August heat and took a tour of the Bayou Bend Museum (all outside!!)  We lasted about 30 minutes.  I've taken Tate back a couple of times...most recently this past 4th of July.

We spent one afternoon at my friend Julie's house...out in the country.  She has a gorgeous pool and HUGE backyard.  Christian was continuously awed about the HUGENESS of everything Texas.

Yep!  That's her gorgeous pool and HUGE backyard...
all the way to that fence in the waaaayyyy back!

I had shared my TTC plans with my office staff as in my profession booking yourself for appointments and monitoring would put a huge glitch in scheduling my own patients.  I'm so very lucky that I got pregnant on my own and didn't have to deal with all that would have entailed had I needed to do IUI or worse IVF.  They were all thrilled to meet this gorgeous foreigner....after all there are about 24 women in that office, mostly single.  Too bad he was already taken.  By another man ;)   But we happily joined them for happy hour one night after work.

I wanted to show him how a real live working ranch worked, so we went to the George Ranch Historical Park.  We saw some calf roping and cowboys doing their cowboy thing :).  It was a blisteringly hot summer day, but we had a great time.  And as an aside...my college scholarship was funded by the George Foundation, and when we were in line to purchase tickets I told the woman selling the tickets how very much I had appreciated the George Foundation for helping me attend the college of my dreams.  She asked my name and remembered me and where I went to school!!  How amazing is that?  AND, they let us in for free!!  Apparently, anyone whose scholarship monies were financed through the George Foundation, if they mention it, get in free to the ranch. 

For Christian's last meal on Texas soil we headed to Pappasito's for yummy margaritas and Tex-Mex.  Lindsey joined us for a very festive, alcohol hazy evening :) Try to ignore our happy, glassy eyes! :)

And unbeknownst, to most people I expected to be ovulating the day after Christian left.  So though we had nothing but a syringe from my local pharmacy and a plastic cup, we decided to 'practice!'  We figured if it worked...SUPER WOW!!!  And if not, we had already decided he would be in the states in October with his boyfriend, and they were going to tack a few extra days to the end of that trip and swing by here to get me pregnant.  His boyfriend would stay 3-4 days, and Christian would stay for 7-9 days!!

Luckily for me it didn't work, and I don't even really consider a real try as it was so spur of the moment and neither one of us had any idea of what we were doing.  And our timing was a bit off.   It's so hard to imagine that I would have a totally different child today if it had worked.  And I cannot fathom any other child in my life other than my so very sweet Tate Christopher.

Christian flew out that Sunday amidst alot of tears.  Alot of tears.  For both of us.  Those 10 days were some of the most precious days in my pre-Tate life.  We came to the realization that we did want to do this;  we wanted me to have a baby born of me and Christian.  And as he left that day, walking down to the terminal I thought 'If it's this hard for him to leave me, I cannot imagine how much harder it will be for him to leave a child, his child.'  That was my biggest worry then and sometimes still now.  Though I know he is not prepared to be a parent in the truest sense of the world to Tate by his own admission, I know he loves this boy;  he loved him all those years ago before he was even here.  And I knew then that he always would.   Somehow knowing that helped me know this was right.  Though, I would be parenting this child on my own, someone out there would love him or her almost as much as I would.  And that's what I always come back to...Love.  Love.  You can never have too much love.

Love Actually - Tate's Birth Story - A Short Part III

Plans were set in motion.  I found another RE who I actually just loved, and not just him, his entire staff.  They were warm, welcoming and extremely supportive.  Not one person batted an eye about my quest to becoming a single mother by choice via a known donor. 

I had a few appointments, blood work, testing done prior to Christian's journey to spend a week here with me in late August.  We had decided we needed to spend some time together, one on one.  We wanted to get to know each other and try to be sure this was something we truly wanted to do.  As well, Christian would need to go through a battery of tests to determine his viability as a sperm donor.  He had been tested for STDs in Germany in March of that year, and was all clear.  But he still had to be tested here in the states, make a donation and have his sperm quarantined the requisite 6 months before we could move forward with IUI or IVF.  

So, he booked a flight and just like that, this man I had met one time, and spent 12 hours with was winging his way across the Atlantic Ocean to see about making a baby with me!

I was a bundle of nerves.  Am I crazy?  What if he's crazy? What if I have this virtual stranger in my home who's crazy?  What do I know about this man?  A person can 'be' whoever they want to be online, in email, on the phone.  What was I thinking?  

So, in addition to the realization that I wanted to move forward with my plans to become a mother and ALL that entailed, I had this other huge cloud of doubt over my head.  I was one a mess.  Emotionally on edge.  So much was riding on this visit.  If things didn't work out I would be back to square one and would have wasted so much time.  If Christian wasn't who I thought he was I was going to be heartbroken. And I would have been devastated if I wasn't who he thought I was.   I knew if 'we' didn't work out I had other options;  I still had all the information from the California Cryobank, but my heart was really set on my child being able to know his/her father from birth.   

Then I was at the airport.  I was waiting outside the Customs Terminal for this man.  What would we do?  Would we hug?  Would we do the European air-kiss?  Would we even recognize one another?

And then, there he was.

Grinning from ear to ear.

And I knew.

I knew everything was going to be just fine.  

I ran up to him and he enveloped me in an amazing hug.  

Full of love.  

And I was reminded in that very instant of one of my most favorite scenes from one of my most favorite movies....

And it may seem cheesy and surreal and simplistic, but this feeling has stayed with me.  We had forged an amazing friendship and we were going to be blessed to be able to try to take this friendship to new and very unchartered heights.  I desperately wanted everything to work out:  I wanted to get pregnant right away!  I wanted Christian and I to be able to take these 10 days together to get to know one another and be sure of this journey we both so wanted to be on together!  I wanted him to 'pass' all his tests with flying colors!  I wanted to get pregnant right away!  I wanted my friends and family to like him!!  I wanted him to like my family and friends!  I wanted him to be happy, secure and thrilled with his decision to donate for me; to be happy to have me have 'his' baby.  I wanted to get pregnant right away!  I wanted him to love this baby to be as much as I already did.   I wanted to be a mommy.

And already there was lots of love.  Right there in the middle of the arrivals gate at IAH.  Love, love, love.  

Love actually was right there all around us and between us that Friday afternoon.

Driving out of the airport was absolutely surreal.  I was nervous.  I was worried.  I was happy.  I was, well I just was.  We talked over one another, around one another, to one another.   I don't even know how we made it to my house :)  

Obviously I don't remember the details, and I so wish I did if no other reason that Tate would know how we spent that first evening together in what was to be Tate's first home.  But I do recall some of the highlights.

Christian arrived on the 22nd, a Friday.  I'm sure we spent that first night just here at home and I know he was jet lagged.  In addition, I was throwing a party the following evening for him to meet my closest friends.  We did go to my parents' house that Saturday morning, so my parents could meet him first.  My parents were quite unsure about this whole 'known donor' idea;  they were as excited as could be expected about me becoming an SMC as it was.  Their main worry was mostly could I really do this alone, so throw into the mix a known donor who could very feasibly make my life very difficult and traumatic if he opted to try to be more than a donor and they were on pins and needles.  But as always, my parents were gracious, open and honest and trusted me and my instincts.

Saturday night was a celebration of mine and my mommy's birthday here at my home.  I was surrounded by those whom I love the most and I got to share my friends and family with Christian.  He was in the midst of all this love in this house.  The place was positively buzzing with excitement and joy.  The excitement of me having a baby, birthday celebrations, friends gathered who love one another and meeting this new guy, this foreigner :)  It was one of the best parties I've ever thrown...

Me and 3 of my girls from my urban tribe! 

My mommy and daddy

Most of the tribe!!  Love all of them so much!!!

ADPi love (and there's Tate's godmother to be in the pink skirt! ) 

My littlest girls... 

My sisters!

The Birthday Girls!

Flirting with the boys!

New friends for Christian!

One of my favorite photos.  That's me and Shelley (Tate's godmother)
 with our parents! Our parents met in 1986 when we were in our second
 semester of our freshman year in college, at our sorority (ADPi)
 parents' day luncheon!  We have been inseparable since! 

Me and my big sis!

Me and my Susan,  my dearest dear friend who is the one
who suggested I become a mommy!

Looking back at those pictures just makes me smile.  God was moving amongst us that night, spreading joy and so much love.  I can actually feel the love still today just when I see those smiles of the ones I love the most.