Regina prepared a huge, lovely, traditional German breakfast spread for our last morning to include Katha, Sebastian and Phillip. I noshed on some rolls and enjoyed some lovely hot tea as I still didn't enjoy cheese, deli meat or the like :) But my heart was full from the kindness and thoughtfulness and love shown to me and my son.
While dishes were cleaned and the kids played, I left Tate in the capable hands of the other side of his family while I packed our remaining items up. Sadly, I was feeling almost indifferent towards Christian after feeling hurt the night before and the fact that he didn't take the opportunity to wake up with Tate and me this morning, our last morning in Berlin, the last morning we could have spent just the 3 of us. By the time he awakened, his parents were there (and remembering we can't really communicate, though they both try so very hard for me...it's so very sweet) and it was a whirlwind of activity. And I should have said something the night or day before that I would like us to spend some time together, the 3 of us, on Sunday morning, and that's my fault. I can't expect him to read my mind. And this is what happens when you have expectations of another person..I expected him to want to spend some time with us, just the 3 of us. I expected he would want to wake up and not waste 2 1/2 hours of the remaining 8 hours I had left in Germany. Expectations.
But we did have a lovely, lovely morning with his entire family. I got everything organized quickly and was able to hang out with everyone as well. Oma took Tate downstairs for one last popsicle.
Tate and Phillip put on the 'Don't Mess with Texas' shirts I had bought for each of them and posed for some pictures. Such sweet cousins.
Christian gave Tate his first set of Matchbox like cars and they were raced around the floor.
(Christian took this video, and I wasn't in the room. I don't think he knew how to hold the flip camera :) And I have no idea how to rotate the video! :) )
Opa swung Tate up and down to touch the ceiling with Daddy standing close by to pitch in if needed. Opa is stronger than he thinks :) And Tate was thrilled!!
(Phillip hates being held to be given a bottle, so this is how you have to feed him!)
When it was time to go my heart was in pieces. I felt like I was leaving my family. These wonderful people have become a vital part of me and I so hope Tate feels or soon feels the same way. Hugs and kisses abounded as the car was loaded up and good-byes were said amidst many tears from all of us. I didn't know it was possible to love so much, so soon and even Tate seemed to feel a sense of loss as we pulled away from the curb.
It was a quiet ride to the airport.
Once we parked, Christian turned to me, wanting to talk. It was an emotional time for us. We are both trying so desperately hard here to do the right thing for Tate and for one another, and seemingly failing. There is no role model for what we are doing, this bringing this sweet child into the world together. And I still remember so vividly, so peacefully laying on my bed together each of the three times we did our little procedure :). I would call Christian upstairs and he would come lay down with me with my feet in the air turning every 15 minutes. An hour each day for three days of just us discussing our hopes and dreams for our lives and for each other. And this dream came true and was happily ensconced in the back seat of the car this particular morning reading his books with his Mommy and Daddy held onto each other and cried in the front seat. Cried over what had been said and not said over the past week, feelings hurt and wonder about what could/should have been done differently.
And then it was time to get going.
Once we were checked in, Georg was there to say good-bye. A sweet, sweet gesture; he's a really great guy, but a gesture I really couldn't appreciate as I wanted Christian, Tate and me to be able to say good-bye alone. He came with us all the way to the security line at border control where we had to say good-bye.
Tate wasn't interested in hugging Christian or saying good-bye; so typical for a 2 year old I suppose. But Christian hugged and kissed him as well as he could. And then I felt like I never wanted to let go of this man who is so important in my life and who means so very much to me. And as I felt his tears on my cheek I knew that everything, everything would be allright. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will be allright. Because we love each other.
I cried through border control and most of security while Tate bounced about in excitement. Which brought me such joy. We boarded our flight and got ourselves situated. Tate seemed a bit quiet and reserved once we were on board. I think he was truly sad about leaving his father and his family.
He was asleep 45 minutes after the plane took off in my arms and slept for almost 2 hours.
Our journey home had begun.
No comments:
Post a Comment