Surgery. Again.

He had an absolute blast at the surgeon's office.  And I LOVE the medical bench!
 He was beyond excited to see the fire truck as soon as we walked into the room!
 He was up and on it before the door closed!

Tate is circumcised.  The procedure was done on his second day on this planet.  I had never given circumcision much thought.  All my life, I had assumed if I had a son I would have him circumcised.  But times they are a-changing.  All of a sudden it is a much discussed debate, one I never paid, nor do I now, pay any mind to.  I had my reasons for wanting Tate circumcised.  I did however talk about it with Christian, since as a German male he is uncircumcised, and I knew he would have some feelings about it.  He was against it, but knowing that Tate is my child legally left the decision up to me.  So it was done.  


You're quickly shown and told how to care for the circumcised penis.  From keeping it moist and pushing the foreskin back with every diaper change.  In your post surgery, immense blood loss, new mother, aching, leaking haze you nod and say you understand and yes you can do it.  And I did, or I think I did.  But I never wanted to hurt him, so maybe I didn't push it back enough.  Christian tried to help while he was here that first week, and my mom was good about it each time she changed him.  I think we did it ok.


I'll never know.  About 2 months after he was born I was concerned because it seemed like the foreskin was adhering to his penis a bit much.  Our pediatrician pushed the skin back for us (not pleasant) and told me it was normal and that at some point it should remained detached? unattached? (what is the proper male term for this?!!!).  In any event, I brought it to her attention at most of his well baby checks and half of our visits included her trying to 'fix' the adhesion.


Then I stopped worrying about it.  Though my mother made mention a few times that his penis just didn't look as circumcised as my nephew's at that age.  I simply didn't know what to make of it all. Several women on my birth board posted about their sons' penises having the adhesion and the foreskin not looking right, and it seemed all the peds were not concerned.  I moved on.


Around 18 months of age I noticed what I thought was a very small cyst on the underside of his penis;  it was about 5 mm in length and 2 mm in width.  He didn't seem the least bothered by it.  I took him for an evaluation with our ped.  She said it was some redundant tissue left from the circumcision.   I couldn't believe I had never noticed it before.  She was able to 'squeeze' some of it out, but said it may come back, so we would probably need to see a pedi surgeon for removal.  However, it was nothing to worry about at this time.  At his 2 year check-up I brought it up again, and since it had gone back to its original size she referred us to the pediatric surgeon which is who we saw today.


He's a great little old man.  The office was fabulous, efficient, well staffed and RAN ON TIME!  We arrived 15 minutes early, filled out our paperwork, were brought back to our amazing room 5 minutes before our scheduled appointment time, and the medical assistant took Tate's medical history.  No sooner had he been out of the room 2 minutes that our surgeon walked in with a huge smile.  Tate was in heaven!  The exam bench was a fire truck.  There were great toys on the window sills!!  Tate laid down and let the doc examine him and move his little penis this way and that way with nary a fuss.  


Dr. B explained that Tate's circumcision was very conservative, and that yes the little cyst like area was redundant tissue remaining from the circumcision that was left under the bell (or something or other).  He felt like the foreskin was still too attached as well.  We could leave the redundant tissue, but it would just become annoying as Tate got older.  He told me that we had 2 real options (1) simply remove the redundant tissue (2) revise the circumcision and in doing so the redundant tissue would be removed.  I chose option 2.  


So, on October 14, 2011 Tate will be undergoing general anesthesia for a circumcision revision.  I'm not thrilled obviously.  And I will now always wonder if I made the right choice to have the circumcision done in the first place.  Well actually no, I don't think I'll wonder that.  It was the right choice at the time. And sometimes things happen beyond our control.  I hate that it wasn't done as well as it could have been and that now he'll have to have anesthetic gases to have a revision done.  He's also in the midst of potty training at school (and doing very well I might add, though at home I haven't even started), so I have no idea how this will affect that.  He'll have a few dissolvable stitches and will be swollen for 2-3 weeks.   But in the grand scheme of things all will work itself out.


And I know in my medically trained head that general anesthesia is quite safe.  And he did really well a year ago when he got his tubes put in.  But no surgery should be taken lightly.  There is always a risk.  But we will pray for Dr. B's hands to be steady and sure, the anesthesiologist to monitor Tate and administer the necessary medications with care and assuredness


That's all we can really ask, that those who care for our loved ones to treat them as we would want to be treated.  That's something I really strive to do when I'm working on the kiddos myself.  I keep in mind...how would I want Tate to be treated if he were laying here having his teeth drilled?  


Everyday many, many of us leave our most precious gifts in the hands of others.  And as we walk back out to our cars, we do so assuming they will be treated as if they are precious to those caring for them.  We have to believe it because otherwise it would be impossible to get in those vehicles and drive away.  And every morning I miss Tate as I try to imagine what he will be doing for the next 10, TEN, hours we are apart.  Ten hours.  Ten hours he's with Ms. L and his little friends, being loved, taught and cared for.  


Treated as their own.  My greatest wish and hope.  That my precious boy is always loved.