October 24, 2008 - Tate's Birth Story

I woke up with puffy eyes and an unpleasant headache that Friday morning in late October.  I came downstairs to find a note from Christian.  He had heard me leave on Thursday evening (my neighbor and I initially talked outside), and he also knew how upset I was.  Raik was thoughtful and kind enough to go for a nice long run that morning, so Christian and I could sit down and talk.

We sat down in my cozy living room and just laid our feelings out there.  Mine...his reticence to try the night before really rocked my world.  I had been waiting for this chance for weeks, months and now this chance seemed to be passing me by.  I was so scared that it wouldn't work, this insemination, that I couldn't see past what I wanted/needed.  His...he was worried about how very much I wanted this and worried about how upset I would be if I didn't end up pregnant this time.

But what turned things around for me was when he articulated that he wanted us trying to make this baby to be special.  That he wanted us to have had time to reconnect, spend some time alone and feel as connected as we had in August.  With the delays of his flight, his jet lag, his exhaustion and worry after all the delays and hours wondering if he indeed was going to make it Houston last night he felt he was in no place to really 'be' with me.  And though we were not making this baby in the traditional manner, he wanted it to still be special and have some meaning.  

I knew then that this was going to work.  Maybe not this first time, but it was going to work.

So we reconnected.  We sat there on that couch and caught up on each other's lives.  He told me about his travels thus far in the states, how much he loved Vermont and the surrounding areas.  I regaled him with tales of our Ike and family/work life here in H-town.  And it was good.  It was great actually.  I don't recall what we did the rest of the day.  I suppose the 3 of us went to lunch;  I'm sure we hung out with my sister who I had banished to my parents' for the weekend :)  

And I checked for ovulation.  And all systems were go.  TMI alert....my cervix was wide open with lots of EWCM!  Much more open than it had been on Thursday late afternoon.  My timing was seemingly perfect.

That evening around 6pm Christian handed me his half of Tate's DNA.  I then added mine within 5-6 minutes :).  I situated myself on my back with my feet on my wall and my hips elevated on a couple of pillows.  Once I was 'done' and covered up I called Christian on his cell and he came upstairs and laid down on the bed with me for the next hour.  I laid on my back for about 30 minutes and then rolled to one side for 15, my stomach for another 15 and my other side for the last 15.  The idea being that you should try to coat your cervix completely.

We laid there, hand in hand, me with my feet in the air and just talked and talked.  About our lives, our childhoods, our families, our friends, how we came to be at this point in our lives, our hopes and our dreams.  And yes it sounds woefully cheesy, but it is really what we did.  And it was probably the most connected I had been with another person in a long time and actually still to this day.  And there in that space in time as the sun went down we both believe Tate was conceived.   And though what Christian and I had  at that time wasn't a romantic love or a passionate love, there was love in that room in abundance.  

And I'm so very blessed that this baby of mine, this sweet boy of mine was conceived in such love.