Seven Days Later....

...and all is 150% better.  After sharing my woes with my fellow WONDERFUL SMCs on our forum last Sunday/Monday I was in a completely different place mentally.  Completely different.  In addition to all the amazing support these women, my 'friends' gave me, I had a personal Oprah 'AHA' moment.  

I cannot control when or how Tate falls asleep.

All I can do is to provide him the hours I 'believe' he needs to be asleep.  Whether he chooses to sleep all those hours is 100% up to him.  Certainly sometimes he needs my help to fall asleep, and I am all too happy to rock (parent) him to sleep on those nights he needs it.  On the other nights that he wants to lay there and toss and turn and piddle around, I just have to let him.  On those nights my intervention makes things worse.  And I can usually tell when he needs/wants my help, as he will stand in the crib whining sadly 'Mommy, Mommy, Mommy.'  Then I'll just go up, scoop him up and rock him where as 10 minutes prior he wanted no part of it.

I also am doing my best to be in bed going to sleep no later than 10:30 and preferably in bed by 10.  

World. Of. Difference.

But most importantly...

I prayed.

I really and truly prayed.

I have been reading a great book this Lenten season called "Too Busy Not to Pray."  And it has given me some amazing tools to better my relationship with God and His Son.  In addition, it has given me the impetus to start keeping a prayer journal and I love it.   I try to make time every single night to write my prayers in it.  You see, I never wrote my prayers down, and for me this seems to be key.  It keeps me focused.  It keeps me on point.  It keeps me in prayerful conversation with God.  I'm following the example of ACTS.  Adoration. Confession. Thankfulness. Supplication.  

Prayer works.  Every morning this past week Tate did not wake up until 6am or later.  He wasn't falling asleep until 8:8:15, but that's ok.  It was on his terms as well as mine.  I had him in the crib most nights by 7:30/7:45 at the latest.  And though a couple of times he was awake until 8:30, he still slept til 6 or 6:15.  I was very specific in my prayers though (and I did not only ask for help with Tate's sleep :) ).  I asked that he sleep until at least 6, but still take a nice nap of 60 to preferably 90 minute nap, and then went on to pray that he was going to sleep by 7:30 or so.  We're a work in progress, but I'm so very happy.  And so much more at peace.  I just gave it over to God and let go of control.  

Amazing.

So we've had a really great week.  Only a few tense moments like today, when I got frustrated when Tate didn't stay asleep when I attempted to move him from the carseat asleep to the stroller to go into the outlet mall.  I reverted back to form of being angry with him because umm yeah he needs to nap!!  Which of course led to more tears from him.  It took me about 10 minutes to pull myself together and realize this was not the end of the world and it took him about 30 minutes to shake off the sleepys.  He did absolutely great though the entire 1 1/2 hours we were there.   A few fussy moments when my phone didn't have a signal, so he could play his Scout game or what have you, but it was a great outing.  ( and he got some AMAZING summer clothes to start the season and I got a new Coach purse...not a fan of all the Cs on the bag, but it's a nice size and the price was just perfect )  

Oh and I feel the need to justify this purse.  Prior to having Tate I was a Kate Spade fan (still am).  I love her understated, simple lines.  I have several of her bags, as well as a couple of Coach bags, though I never had one with their signature blazoned across it.  Those bags always lasted years, so I could justify spending that kind of money.  So now with Tate, once past the diaper bag stage I opted to buy some cheap $30 bags from Target, that were actually pretty cool.  But you get what you pay for.  5 months later the first one broke and ripped.  This next one (same price) has ripped in a different place 4 months later.  So, I decided $120 for a Coach bag that will not do that was well worth it.  :)  I just couldn't find a Kate Spade bag I liked at the outlet, and I'm in no mood to make tracks to the Galleria and shop at the regular store.

So tonight I'm off to sleep hopefully at a decent hour with tired feet, tired legs and a happy heart.  I know that as Tate gets older our bedtime routine will change and cause us both grief.  But right now we're in a pretty good place, and though I know tomorrow could be totally different, I'm going to have to let go of that worry and just enjoy today.