I met this friend, J, at the Motherhood Center when I was about 25 weeks pregnant with little Tate. She is a massage therapist there. I had many, many prenatal massages, and she is just amazing!! I would lay on those massage tables just drifting away to the lovely music and relax. The soft sheets, laying on my side, the smell of lavender and lilacs wafting over me just overwhelmed me with beauty. In many of those moments I felt more like a mother than I ever could have imagined before my precious boy arrived. As she massaged my pregnant belly he would kick sometimes, and sometimes he would just relax like his mommy. Those last couple of weeks before I gave birth I was having massages almost every other day in attempts to stimulate labor. J was right there each time trying to coax him out.
So tonight as I read her post it brought me back to those many hours when it was just Tate and me. Though J was in the room, I was one hundred percent connected to my body and the amazing things it was doing growing this tiny person. This teeny tiny person. Inside me.
And now he's here walking around, no, running around! And he's 2 years and 1 month old (tomorrow)! That's unfathomable to me. He's 2 years old. He's not even a baby much less a newborn anymore.
So tonight I'm a little wistful. I still have massages with J, and they are still awesome. But Tate isn't there with me. As I see friends sending their kids off to college for the first time I wonder how they do it. I can barely stand to have Tate away from me while I get massage, let's not talk about when I work how hard it is! Off to college is something I can't even begin to wrap my head much less my heart around.
I'm in love with this little boy beyond measure with his silly grin, his fabulous laugh, his big tears, his amazing hugs, his joy of life. And I reminisce about his toothless grin, his first laugh, his first real tears, his love of nursing and the immense joy he has brought to my life.
August 20, 2009
August 22, 2011
He is growing up! And way too fast.
1 comment:
I completely understand. Many of my coworkers are sending their kids off to college right now. Others are starting Kdgn or first grade. I look at them and wonder why they aren't all dissolved into a puddle of tears. I'm not ready to let my baby go--I start to cry whenever I drive past the elementary school. I feel like the past 4 1/2 years slipped through my fingers like drops of water.
Ok, now I'm wistful. Thanks for sharing--it's good to know I'm not alone.
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