And each Friday I drop him off, I feel terrible. Like a lousy mother. How could I spend those 3 1/2 hours away from him when I see him so very little during the week. I remind myself he's only eating and sleeping, so really he's only spending one awake hour away from me. Sigh. Mommy guilt. When will we women stop beating ourselves up? More importantly when will we stop beating each other up?
Friday morning found us at Walgreens getting his passport photo taken, then off to the post office we went. Had all of our paperwork in hand unlike the unfortunate souls ahead of us in line. To the front went Tate and I. This is why you call ahead and make a nuisance of yourself all week, so you don't get to the USPS and become livid when it's very clear on the US State Department's website exactly what you need. Sigh. Easy peasy for Tate and me!! We then made a trip to my office since I was on call this weekend to see a patient and fix her expander. Poor Tate has been dragged up to my office more times than I can count whether it's because he's sick and waiting for Grandmommy or because I have to see a patient. He's pretty amenable to letting one of our lovely staff play with him while I work. After lunch and naptime we just hung out here and played.
Saturday morning found us at his Gymboree class. He's at the top of the age range now at 21 1/2 months for this group which is 16-22 months, and by far the oldest in the group, so we need to move up ASAP. He's all over the place and pretty independent once he gets into his groove, though he still loves to be held. I hear 'up' all the time. But the other kids are a little intimidated by him, so we need to move on.
Sadly, we had to go into the office AGAIN. A kid broke a tooth...ugh. This time it was just Tate and me, this kid and his mom. At 21 months, Tate cannot or shall I say will not entertain himself in a strange place with strange people. Suffice it to say it sucked. He's whining, the kid was whining and in pain. The kid's mom tried to entertain Tate, while comforting her own child. However, this is my life now. With no back-up at home and none coming soon, Tate will become a fixture at the office when I am called in. I know that once he's about 3 I will be able to reason with him and have him sit more quietly. Until then, these parents will just have to understand.
After naptime, we ventured to the Houston Premium Outlet Mall 26 miles outside the city. It was a gorgeous day yesterday and today actually. Perfect fall weather...nothing like our normal Houston May temperatures. Tate did fairly well, though he was cranky since he only ate pear slices and cottage cheese for lunch. I was not quick enough to get his snacks out and prepared. Patience...when will he learn patience? We skyped with our friends Silke and her daughter Annabelle when we got home. We'll be off to see them in NYC in less than 2 weeks!!
This morning we skyped with Christian when we woke up. What a lovely start to our day. It's hard for us to get it together to talk with the time difference. Tate recognized his voice immediately. As he's just talking up a storm, I had him say a variety of words for Christian, and then he just jabbered on on his own. It's hard to believe that just 3 weeks ago when Christian was here he was barely saying 10 words it seemed. Christian was a bit taken aback by how much has changed in less than a month. It's bittersweet for him I know. This is one of those times when this situation is hard. Being so far away and not involved, but loving Tate the way he does is heartwrenching for him.
Tate and I skipped church and went grocery shopping this morning. Then we spent a lovely hour at the park just playing on the equipment and kicking around a ball. Tate was in heaven and his laugh is one I could listen to 24/7.
After naptime we were visited by Aunt Lindsey and Aunt Tiffany briefly, then we headed out to the Mad Potter to make some pottery. There was a big construction truck outside the store. Well Tate was in heaven. I had to drag him away practically crying to go home. We played outside when we got home for a while, riding his bike, blowing bubbles and just having fun. A couple of meltdowns this evening led to an earlier than anticipated bedtime.
What a lovely weekend. Whenever I dreamed of being a mother, this is what I imagined it would be. Just hanging out, enjoying life and one another. Hearing his happy squeal and quick smile just make my day. I could hold him all day long every single day. One of my favorite things is when I'm just sitting on the living room floor amongst all his toys just watching him play or read to himself (a joy unto itself), and he runs up to me, throws those little arms around me and gives me the biggest hug ever. He burrows his little head into my right shoulder and all is perfect in my world. This is how it should be. This is what I waited my entire life for. Love, pure and simple. Not that I didn't have an abundance of love in my life before, for I did. I have an amazing family and an equally amazing group of friends. But this love, well it's indescribable. It's all encompassing. I thank God for allowing me to have this in my life. This is His greatest design. Love between mother and child...it takes my breath away.
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| Christian sent these to me from Berlin today |
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