Naptime

Oh yeah!  The Texans went to and
won their first playoff game in
franchise history!
HOUSTON!!  TEXANS!!

Today I rocked Tate a bit before his nap like I usually do.  Well I should say I intended to rock him for a bit.  Because a bit turned into 2 hours. :) 


I fell asleep with him curled up against me, hippo in one hand, Henry the train in the other, sue-y firmly in mouth.  It was wonderful. 


I love sleeping with Tate in any form, but especially love having him against me chest to chest.  I love his sweet breath against my neck, his sweaty head on my shoulder, his chest moving rhythmically in tune with mine.  I came in and out of dreamland and boy did I dream.  Though it wasn't the deepest of sleep it was certainly restorative.


Sleeping with my baby.  The absolute best.

Swimming, Swimming at the Swimming Pool

This morning my sweet boy started his swim lessons without me in the pool for the first time!  And he did just great!!  He laughed and smiled and did everything he was asked to do.  I was upstairs in the observation room, and he would intermittently look up at me and just grin.  Gosh I love this little boy.  It was amazing to look out on him and think 'That is my SON out there!'  My son.  My little boy.  My child.  Utterly amazing that almost 30 months ago he came into this world.  39 months ago he began from an oocyte and a sperm.  Unbelievable.  (I'm going to post a link later about the beginning of life).

I love love love how he's secure, confident and self-assured enough to separate from me and try new adventures without me.  He sat down with nary a tear nor a long face.  Just grinning from ear to ear, so excited to be back in the water.  And he's secure in how much I love him and knows that I'm not going to let anything, anything happen to him if I can help it.  

My swimmer....

Love

January 4, 2012  I love when I go to pick Tate up from daycare and he RUNS to me, arms outstretched and leaps into my arms and nestles his head against my shoulder.  Such joy!


January 5, 2012  I love Tate's big belly laugh!!  It's the sweetest most precious sound!!  Tonight we were playing with his trains before bed and he finds it hilarious when I push the trains backwards and say 'beep, beep, beep'.  So he would push the trains up the ramp then push them back down just to hear me 'beep, beep, beep'.  And the laughter!!  Big huge grins and great laughter!!  I almost got up to go get my Flip video camera to record him, but I decided to just experience those moments with my son.  I have a feeling I'll never forgot this sound.  Getting the camera would have robbed me of more laughs!!  


Living in the moment.  The everyday moments of laughter and love.  No camera needed.

Out of Breath

I took a 20 minute 'fast for me' paced walk today during lunchtime.  The weather is gorgeous here, about 72 degrees and clear, blue skies.  In Houston, you have to take advantage of this NOW because come end of March to mid-April it starts to get really hot again.  And humid. So to enjoy exercising in Houston you have to start in winter :).  Certainly you can walk or run here in June or August, but blech...you won't be enjoying it.  As I don't enjoy exercising anyway, that just is not happening in my world.

2 minutes into my fast walk, I was out of breath.  Terrible.  Just terrible.  I was in such good shape, though overweight, while I was pregnant.  I was walking almost everyday that last 2 weeks (In July!!!  Trying to get that baby to engage in pelvis!)  I did yoga 2-3 times a week the last 20 weeks.  I felt amazing.  I felt sexy.  I felt womanly.  I felt powerful.

Now I feel sluggish.  I feel yucky.  I feel soft and gushy.  I feel out of control.

But I'm taking back the control.  

Time to bring sexy back.

20 Minutes

So I did it.


My first 20 minute 'workout.'  I suppose I shouldn't put it in quotes but it was yoga.  Yoga for skinny people!  I couldn't get into half the poses with boobs and bellies and jiggles in the way.  But I did it.  


Baby steps....

What I love about Tate

January 1. I love when he says 'Avalanche!!!!' when he's watching his Thomas the Train Christmas DVD, the 'Snow' episode.

January 2.  I love when he says 'Sit right here Mom-my' pointing to the chair or floor beside him.

January 3.  I love how this morning when I left him at daycare sitting at the table eating his yogurt and cheerios how he lifted his little chin in the air for our daily good-bye kiss.  The first time he's done it without me asking.

Yes, you get the idea.  I'm going to do my best to document the various, myriad of ways I love my sweet boy each day.  Some will be silly, some will be serious, some will be whimsical, some will be dramatic but they are all heartfelt. 

How do I love you my precious son,  let me count the ways.

Happy New Year!

2012


Wow.  Tate will turn 3 this year.  3.  Unbelievable.  I will turn 45.  Unfathomable.


Resolutions.  


After my health 'scares' and findings of high cholesterol I need to make some drastic changes.  Those same changes I mentioned in another blog a few months ago. (sadly I can't even remember when...what does that say?)  


Seriously though, I need to take back control of my health, my body and my life.  My evenings slip by and I have nothing to show for them except an occasional blog post, dishes cleaned and meals packed for the next day.  I feel like I've just been treading water.  Oh I enjoy Tate immensely and our life together (well these past 2 weeks have been almost more than I can bear...and not just because of the pacifier issue...it's the terrible twos!  The WHINING!  OMG The WHINING!  And the throwing of things!  And the flailing about on the floor when he's not happy.  The frustration when he can't figure something out!  AARRGGHHH!!!  I digress)


But I want to enjoy our whole lives.  I want to light up when I see him every single time.  I want him to have a mother who loves herself.  And right now I don't.  I cringe when I see myself in pictures.  I shrink back when I don't walk fast enough past a mirror.  I am uncomfortable in my body and who I've become. And I live in fear that I'm killing myself here.


I need to start saving money.  Much more than I do right now.  I do save, but for what I make, not nearly what I could be.  No more not paying attention to what something costs.  I need to go back to strictly following a budget.  Why did I stop that?  I have no clue.  If I truly don't want to work the rest of my life I need to get on this.  Seems pretty obvious to me.


So this is going to be the year about me.  Yes, me.  I'm a mom who is going to make the year about herself.  Because if I don't, there will be no mom for Tate.  


So this week I vow to work out at least 3 times.  And by work out I mean at least 20 minutes of some sort of activity.  It can be walking during lunch.  It can be my Jillian Micheals workout.  It can be Pilates or Yoga.  Anything.  But it will be 3 times.  


I'll let you know what I did next Sunday.


And on the pacifier front.  Tate started sucking his fingers today...all four.  Ugh.  He has been sucking his tongue every night to help himself fall asleep.  Tonight he sounded like he was keening as he just moaned and intermittently sucked his tongue.  You know what that means...yep I gave him the pacifier for nap and nighttime sleep.  Because I can't cut off his fingers and the tongue sucking is not good.  That can cause oral issues as well.   He's obviously just not ready; or more orally sensitive than I realized.  However, I had made the mistake in the past month to allow him to have the pacifier whenever he got upset during the day because I knew I was going to take them away.  Well that was just a bad decision because he was now not able to calm himself down.  In addition to the fact that he hit his terrible twos at the same time ... OMG!!!  The poor child is a basket case.  He is not coping well at all.  Again, my bad choice has affected him in an amazingly adverse way.  Sigh.   Until 6 weeks ago he only got that pacifier to go to sleep with.  He never got it when he was upset after the age of 6 months or so save shot appointments at the pediatrician's.  


So he has a reprieve.  He gets back into his daycare/Mommy working routine on Tuesday. (I have to work tomorrow, though a national holiday, as the kids are out of school and we were off Friday.  As such his daycare is closed).  The past two weeks have been so different.  Last week he only went 3 days, his teacher was on vacation, then Christmas was thrown in, the week before half the kids were gone and again classes were combined.  Excuses? Sure.  I acknowledge that.  And it will be ok.  We'll revisit this in a couple of weeks.  With new methods...maybe not cold turkey.  Trying to find something else to soothe him so he doesn't go another oral route.  A different lovey?  Because he cannot separate the hippo from the sue-y.  That never occurred to me either.  So, pacifier for sleeptime.  Hugs, cuddles, and kisses when he's upset or even letting him cry and be angry when he doesn't get his way.  And, oh yes, time outs when necessary.  Did I mention the throwing?

A piece of plastic is does not define who he is.  It does not define who I am as a mother.    What defines us is the love we have for each other and knowing what works for us, our family.


2012.


Another year in the very very many I get to spend with this precious little boy.  I cannot believe I get to mother Tate.  Watching him today at the park brought me such unadulterated joy that I almost had to remind myself to breathe.  Those little legs pumping, that toddling back and forth, those sweet arms flailing about, the tongue hanging out and THE JOY.  Tate's joy.  My son's joy.  My joy.  

Joy.


That's my resolution for 2012.  To have much much more joy in my life!  And to appreciate all the joy I've been given now and forever.