Mommy and Me Day

I am still in my pajamas tonight at 7:17pm.  I just laid Tate down in his fresh pajamas for the night.  It has been a great day!!


Once we were up and out of our beds at 615am our pajama day began.  We did some laundry, did a bit of picking up in the room we share most nights, we read a few books upstairs, he watched his favorite Keith Urban video on my phone ('Put You in a Song').  Actually the first thing he asks me these days in the morning is 'guitar!!'  'Keith Ur-baaan!'  I let him watch a bit of his 'Baby Signing Time' DVD...the only television he ever watches and didn't start until 18 months old at most once a week.


We meandered downstairs for his breakfast of Cheerios, milk, banana and his fave, plain yogurt.  I opted for one of the nutritiously sound left-over birthday cupcakes my mommy made for me.   


Then we played on the floor, colored, played with his tent/tunnel, raced cars around.  I was his personal jungle gym for quite some time.  We harassed the cat, played dress-up and just plain old hung out together.  I did clean up and empty and reload the dishwasher while Tate amused himself reading books out loud to whoever would listen.  Lunchtime came and he enjoyed some rotisserie chicken, veggie stix and strawberries, while I munched on the lasagna my mom made for my birthday.  (Tate can't have any as the pasta she used has egg product in it).


And then bliss..we napped together for almost 2 hours.  I rock him a bit at naptime still, and we both fell asleep.  I woke with a tickle in my nose from his hair brushing against me about 45 minutes in.  I just snuggled in more and dozed back off.


The afternoon brought more laziness and fun.  We raced more cars.  We stacked our Fisher Price Peek-a-Blocks 17 blocks high...he was able to name each object and each letter save the J (confused as L) and the R (confused as A).  They came tumbling down with a thud and I had a 2y1m old in my lap burrowing his head into my neck.  


Dinner was festive and we skyped with Papa only as Grandmommy was at a baby shower.  We played a bit more after I put the dishes away then we headed upstairs to fold some laundry from the morning and put in another load.  After I changed my bedsheets, Tate was in the bathtub playing away.  We sudsed up, rinsed off and made a beeline for the bed to get into fresh jammies!!!  (this was a bit difficult with the new toddler behavior of squirming about and flailing about as well as our new event of trying to hit, kick and bit mommy for reasons unbeknownst to me).  Only one bedtime story was read due to his bad behavior, but he seemed to understand.


All in all it was just a marvelous day.  I'm sure there are many things I could have done and needed to do, but more than anything I needed a day to decompress.  Pre-baby I would have just watched movies, read books and slept.  I can't quite do that anymore, but I'm blessed with a child who is low-key most times and just wants to hang with his mommy.  I couldn't ask for anything more.  Sweet sweet Tate.


I need many more days like this with my precious boy.

And yes he put those swim diapers on all by himself!!  All 3 of them!

  He wouldn't let me take them off until he was ready!!  Sooooo cute!!

Wistful

One of my friends on facebook commented on a picture of Tate taken this past weekend.  She wrote 'He is growing up so fast.'  (this picture in fact) 

I met this friend, J, at the Motherhood Center when I was about 25 weeks pregnant with little Tate.  She is a massage therapist there.  I had many, many prenatal massages, and she is just amazing!!  I would lay on those massage tables just drifting away to the lovely music and relax.   The soft sheets, laying on my side, the smell of lavender and lilacs wafting over me just overwhelmed me with beauty.  In many of those moments I felt more like a mother than I ever could have imagined before my precious boy arrived.        As she massaged my pregnant belly he would kick sometimes, and sometimes he would just relax like his mommy.   Those last couple of weeks before I gave birth I was having massages almost every other day in attempts to stimulate labor.  J was right there each time trying to coax him out.

So tonight as I read her post it brought me back to those many hours when it was just Tate and me.  Though J was in the room, I was one hundred percent connected to my body and the amazing things it was doing growing this tiny person.  This teeny tiny person.  Inside me.  

And now he's here walking around, no, running around!  And he's 2 years and 1 month old (tomorrow)!  That's unfathomable to me.  He's 2 years old.  He's not even a baby much less a newborn anymore.  

So tonight I'm a little wistful.  I still have massages with J, and they are still awesome.  But Tate isn't there with me.  As I see friends sending their kids off to college for the first time I wonder how they do it.  I can barely stand to have Tate away from me while I get massage, let's not talk about when I work how hard it is!  Off to college is something I can't even begin to wrap my head much less my heart around.  

I'm in love with this little boy beyond measure with his silly grin, his fabulous laugh, his big tears, his amazing hugs, his joy of life.  And I reminisce about his toothless grin, his first laugh, his first real tears, his love of nursing and the immense joy he has brought to my life.

August 20, 2009

August 22, 2011

He is growing up!  And way too fast.

The Beginning Part Deux

Christmas 2007 rolled in with its usual merriment and festivities.  I was starting to really consider having a baby on my own.  I let a few girlfriends in on my thoughts, and they were amazingly supportive.  We planned on having donor choosing parties complete with turkey basters and balloons!  


In January of 2008 I went to Houston IVF for a consultation.  I really liked Dr. McKenzie, and she had me do the Clomid Challenge to ascertain my ovarian reserve.  At this point I don't remember my exact results, but I do know all was fine and she considered me able to move on in the conception process.  I contacted the California Cryobank and received their packet of information which included the process for choosing an anonymous sperm donor.  I perused the packet and started receiving information about possible donors. Reading their bios and hearing their audio interviews was weird to say the least.  How do you choose someone to donate half their DNA to impregnate you that you have never met?  It was mind boggling.


In the interim, Christian and I had begun emailing one another in early December.  They were the usual emails of people who don't know each other and only spent approximately 12 hours together.   In mid-March of 2008 I sent an email to him and mentioned that I had decided to have a baby on my own.  I explained I was saving some money to do it artificially, needed to lose a bit of weight, get further along in my allergy shots and my plan was to start trying in September of that year.  He wrote back so very excited for me, and was extremely supportive!  Over the course of a couple of months we exchanged several more emails about our lives and all the goings-ons.  Then in late May, Christian sent me an email which included a paragraph in which he offered to donate some of his DNA if I had not made my mind up about a donor.  It was so sweet and generous, and I was shocked.  It had never crossed my mind to have a known donor, let alone someone I didn't know at all except over the internet really.  Though I had really come to cherish our budding friendship, this was something I just never expected.


By the beginning of  June we had decided that we wanted to move forward with my having a baby and Christian donating. 


Reading back through those emails is so precious to me now.  Our feelings, thoughts, emotions, ideas, concerns, nervousness, excitement...all of it comes racing back to me.  I remember that giddiness of the excitement of embarking on something so amazing.  That Tate is here with me now is just unbelievable.  

Two Year Old Stats!

Tate Christopher had his 2 year old check-up with the pediatrician this afternoon.  After decimating the smallish room we were waiting in, dear Dr. R came in and moved us to the larger room, so he would ostensibly have more room to move around.  (ie he could run like a banshee and not destroy her office space) Not surprisingly, once we were in that room along with her, Tate became the model patient.  It is patently obvious that my child will be one of those kids who do better without his parent in the operatory.  Of course this only held true until she wanted to look in his mouth; then he reverted to form.  Squalling about, squiggling, kicking, crying...ugh.  Other than that though he was a perfect patient!  He's looking good according to her...tall and lean, but just great.


He does have a little blocked duct of some sort on the underside of his penis that she has tried to drain previously.  It has not decreased in size, nor does it cause him any discomfort.  However, she wants me to have it evaluated and removed (drained) by a pediatric surgeon, so I'll be making an appointment in the next few weeks.


Other than that he is soooo good!!


Weight:    27 pounds    (35th percentile)
Height:     35 3/4 inches (80th percentile)


He's skinny for his height according to Dr. R, but we're still making the move to 2% milk now.  Since he is not a fan of the leafy vegetables, or any veggies for that matter, he's going to start taking a multi-vitamin!


He's growing up.


Two years old.  I still remember our first visit to the pediatrician on Monday, July 27th to follow up on Tate's jaundice.  My mom, Christian and I brought him into the office together.  We were all exhausted, scared and in love with this precious boy.  Hovering does not even begin to describe Christian and me during Dr. R's exam of Tate.  (my mom opted to wait in the waiting room).  My sweet little boy.  As much as I'm loving this so very fun age right now I miss the newborn days.  Yes, I was absolutely exhausted, yes I wanted to move into a tunnel for 24 hours straight, yes I was in pain for over 8 weeks from the c-section, but I loved having Tate snuggle into me, I loved how he just seemed like he was simply part of me.  I still get that feeling all that time, but when he was that small he just tucked into my neck and all was right with the world.


He's growing up.  And he is really a very sweet little boy.  Dr. R asked if I could take him to the grocery store with no problems;  I said yes.  I told her he listens for the most part to what his teachers at daycare and swim lessons tell/ask him to do.  He holds my hand whenever I ask him to.  He sits in his stroller quite well and for extended periods of time.  She was pleased with his behavior.  Of course he acts up like all 2 year olds are want to do.  He gets in trouble ALL the time for kicking during diaper changes.  This past week, he has kicked his way to no stories during bedtime rocking 3 nights.  (with the exception of 'Good Night Moon'...we hear that every night).  He doesn't listen all the time when we're at home.  For example tonight he wouldn't bring me the books I asked him to bring me.  And he's a horrible eater for me and still refuses to try most any new foods.  


He's growing up.  The past 3 years have flown by.  I am blessed beyond measure.  So tonight as he sleeps I thank my wonderful Father for all the gifts He has given me.  A fabulous family.  An amazing donor.  And a funny, quirky, loving, sweet, hilarious, giving, sharing, beautiful baby boy.


And while I give thanks for all that I've been given, my heart is heavy for my friend, Shannon over at 'Chasing Rainbows.'  She received some difficult news today.  When you have a chance say a prayer of healing and courage for her and her sweet 3 month old little boy.  

About to go in for his appointment!

Reading in the waiting room!

The Beginning

I have been meaning to write the story of how Tate came to be for almost 4 years now because it actually starts in November of 2007 when I went to Australia for 2 weeks.


All of my life I wanted to go to Australia and Greece.  All of my life.  If you had asked me my life's goals and deepest desires I would have said to be a mother, to be married and to go to Greece and Australia.  I suppose that at almost 44 years of age that 3 out of 4 isn't so bad.


One of my dearest friends lived in Berlin, Germany for about 2 1/2 years.  I flew over to visit her 3 times while she and her family lived there.  While there I was able to manage a side trip each visit.  On one such side trip I flew off to Athens, Greece!!  (yes by myself)  An absolutely amazing trip.  I will definitely post pics and blog about that one day as it's still very fresh in my mind and close to my heart.  Thankfully, I almost always journal while visiting other countries, so I have a pretty good account of my time there.


In any event, Greece was off my list at the tender age of 37.  So that left getting married, becoming a mom and going to Australia.  I had begun toying with the idea of becoming an single mother by choice in May of 2007 when I was shopping for a new vehicle.  My girlfriend (the one who lived in Germany) suggested that I might want to consider having a child and that the 2-door Infiniti G-35 coupe I had my eye might not be the best choice.  I had never thought of becoming a mom on my own, but something resonated with me.  I started to give it some real consideration.  And on a side note I purchased the G-35 sedan (still love the coupe though...and now it comes as a convertible...should I add this to my list?)


I suppose I didn't know it, but I became a thinker.


I treated myself to a trip to Australia for my 40th birthday!!  I had saved and saved.  On Friday, November 16th  of 2007 after turning 40 in August of that year I flew off to Sydney, Australia.


I spent 8 days in Sydney and Mudgee.  Wonderful, glorious, fun-filled, awe-inspiring days.  On Monday, November 26 I flew off to Cairns for 5 days to visit the Great Barrier Reef and enjoy the beach.


On Thursday, November  29, I met Christian.

Sydney Opera House 11/2007

Christian and I met that morning of the 29th  on a tour of the Daintree Rainforest.  I got up the courage to ask him and Raik to join my new friend Tammy and I to dinner that same Thursday evening.  We're enjoying drinks after a lovely dinner in Cairns.  I flew back to Sydney the very next morning.
This is when our journey together began.

Big Excitement This Way!

Tate woke up dry from his nap yesterday afternoon, as he does quite a bit.  This time I had the where-with-all to immediately take his diaper off and put him on his potty!!  And VOILA!!!


He peed in the potty!!


I did the happy dance, the happy song, the happy jig, the happy clapping, the happy jumping up and down, the happy head bounce, the happy squiggle.


He looked up at me, hippo lovey in hand, pacifier in mouth, stood up and walked away.


I think he has no clue what he has done.  But we're going to try again today when (note I didn't say 'if') he wakes up dry from his nap.  He will tell me when he has pooped in his pants more than half the time.  He seems to relish in telling me as we're walking out the door to daycare in our frantic morning rush.  He'll point to his bottom and say 'Tate, poop.'  But hey, baby steps.


Gotta go get on my happy shoes as he'll be up in a bit!!

Odds and Ends

I don't even know where to begin this post, so I'll just start typing and see where I go.


I got my car back today after it being at the detail shop for 2 weeks.  Sadly, the windows don't work correctly on either door, so now I will have to find the time to return with it to have it looked at.  Not easy when you have a 2 year old who isn't going to just be thrilled to sit in a waiting room for 2 hours or so (because that's how long M said it would probably take, and I could just wait if I wanted.  He did offer to have someone take me somewhere, but then there's the carseat for Tate, and I'm loathe to remove so often!).  In any event, mistakes happen.  Frustrating, yes, but I'm grateful.  Christian wasn't hurt, my car was repairable (very pleased since I just paid if off 15 months early to be without a car payment for as long as possible) and it was relatively easy to get it 'fixed.'


I believe I posted that while Christian was here I decided to let Tate fuss himself to sleep for the first time ever without physically checking on him.  I made half-hearted attempts to sleep train around 8 or 9 months of age with the pick up/put down method for 2 nights, and quickly realized it simply was not for me.  I know now I firmly believe that infants shouldn't be left to cry it out alone simply because I want to sleep.  And they don't need to be taught how to sleep.  And when they're so young they just want their mother or their father or the one who they love most in the world when they're scared and in the dark.  And in 10 years Tate won't want/need me in the middle of the night, so I decided to embrace him needing and wanting me.  He did teach himself how to fall asleep by 16 months, yet I continued to rock him every single night...sometimes to sleep if he was really tired or sometimes just to drowsy.  It didn't always work, sometimes, many times I had to return to cuddle and rock some more.  Many nights he woke at 10 and wanted to be rocked some more or in bed with me...no problem.  Sometimes he made it to 2 or 3 am...just got him and put him in bed with me.  Am I tired?  Yes.  But I'm happy.


Initially I decided to let him go to sleep on his own on the 12th.  But we left 2 days later for Virginia, so everything was thrown to the wayside.  When we got back I got down to it.


I was able to read the cues from the past 6-7 weeks since we returned from being out of town. He had been crying for me almost every night to come and rock him again after 30 minutes or so of being in the crib, as well as waking in the MOTN to either have his pacifier replaced (and there's a light on so he can see in the dark a bit and do it himself) or to get in bed with me.  On Wednesday, July 20, I laid Tate in the crib at 7 after his bedtime routine of bath, lotioning, pjs, books and rocking awake.  I kissed him, told him I loved him and walked out.  He was fine for about 10 minutes.  (I had also told Christian he needed to help me do this.)  Tate started complaining; his complaints were more of the fussing nature and lasted about 2-3 minutes, no crying, just whining.  This went on for about an hour.  I saw him on the monitor looking towards the door, sometimes sitting sometimes standing.  Sometimes whining, a couple of times of crying, sometimes just looking pitiful all the while clutching his beloved hippo and sucking his pacifier.  He was asleep by 8pm.  No screaming, no kicking, no hysterical crying.  I was so impressed.  He slept all the way through until 510am.  The next night it took 20 minutes of sniffles, and the next about 15 of some whining.  He hasn't looked back.  


Yet he still wakes up around 5/515am.  When I put him down now he piddles around until about 745 then falls fast asleep.  But still wakes up at 5/515.  We share a room for a variety of reasons, mostly because the only other bedroom is on the 1st floor and my room, the only other room, is on the 3rd floor.  I wondered if I slept downstairs for a couple of weeks if when he woke up at 5ish and realized I wasn't in the room would he go back to sleep.  Last Thursday, July 28 I started sleeping downstairs.  That Friday morning he woke up at 510am and cried for about 10 minutes, not hard, but definitely sad.  At some point I saw him lay back down.  I went up to the room at 6am and he was laying there just rubbing his hippo along with the pacifier in his mouth (s'fie he calls it) and I picked him and we rocked in the rocker for a bit.  Same routine the next 2 mornings...he was awake when I went up.  And lo and behold this week he has been asleep when I come upstairs at 605 or so after getting myself up at 545 and ready for work.  He's usually up by 615 and we cuddle a bit.  I'm so impressed.  I'm going to continue sleeping downstairs until next weekend, then we'll try having me back in the room.  I soooo


In other news...he put on a swim diaper all by himself today!!  Woohoo!!  Now, he got one leg in the leg hole and the other in the torso hole, but he got it pulled up and was able to walk and climb in it, so I count that as a success!!!


He is talking up a storm!!  He speaks in sentences....up to 4 and 5 word sentences!!  He loves to dance still and loves Keith Urban!!  I am beyond thrilled!  Keith Urban!!  He pretty much says 'Gui-tar!' when he wants to hear Keith!  We'll be going to concerts together as soon as he's old enough!!!


Swim lessons are going well.  We go once a week, and he LOVES them.  He has so much fun and is beyond excited to be there.  So much so that every single time his face is put under the water he has his mouth open in excited anticipation.  And he has to go under all the time!!!  Initially he would choke on all the water;  he is getting better, but still he's got to start closing his mouth.  Ms. Clara (his teacher) and I cannot convince him.  Oh well...at least he's really enjoying himself and is super eager to learn.  It's amazing to watch him with his teacher....he is so calm and relaxed and focuses on her and what she wants him to do.  I tend to step back and away when they are doing their one on one thing being it back floating or learning how to jump from the edge.  He really focuses on her if I'm not around to distract him.  There are 4 kids in his group....a 13 month old, a 17 month old, 22 month old and 24 month old Tate, so it's a good mix.  We will continue with this same group in the next session which goes through December.


Christian is back in Germany.  He left the states on Tuesday.  I miss him.  And Tate misses him too.  Neither Christian nor I thought he would really think about Christian past a couple of days once he left Houston...we could not have been more wrong.  I make it a point to not bring Christian up around Tate, but no matter.  Tate has asked about him at least every other day at different points in the day.  This morning we were able to video-skype with Christian.  Tate was really shy, though he had a huge grin on his face while we chatted.  And yes, there does need to be a post about all the new developments between the 3 of us.  I'm still very much an SMC, but Christian is becoming much more of a Daddy.


Tate has two new teeth coming in on the bottom...his lower second molars...teeth numbers K and T.  He hasn't really been fussy.  He had his hands in his mouth a few times during the day, but so far I've been very blessed...his nights have not been eventful.  


Tooth brushing on the other hand remains an absolute chore.  And he's always soooo excited to do it, but loses his mind when it comes to the actual procedure of brushing.  Sigh.  Every.  Single.  Night.  and Every. Single. Morning.  HARD WAY!  HARD WAY!!


I have got to take control of my weight.  I worked too hard to have this baby to leave him too soon because I couldn't stop eating. I have a physical in about 4 weeks, and I'm hauling my very large bum to WW on Monday because this has got to stop.  I am exhausted walking up and down my stairs.  None of my clothes fit.  My back hurts.  My feet hurt.  I hate the way I look.  I hate the way I feel.  And I'm tired of pretty much hating myself.  So, that said I'm moving on.  STARTING NOW.   No more waiting until tomorrow, or waiting until Monday or the first day of the month.  STARTING NOW.  There.  It's in writing.  NOW.


Tate is just so much fun these days!!  And he's just growing up so fast. We tickle each other.  We race cars.  We sing.  We dance.  We read books.   We hang out in my bed.  WE travel together.  We color.  We play 'upside down baby.'  We skype with our family and friends.  We swim.  We eat and drink together.  We do the dishes together.  We snuggle. We cuddle.  We hug.  We kiss. 


So I end this day of yet again record heat in Houston thankful for all the blessings in my life.  Thankful that I have a job, and a job that allowed me to traverse this gorgeous planet of ours to Sydney, Australia where I met this great guy who I thought was so gorgeous and sweet.  Who, believe it or not thought I was pretty amazing as well. (Christian told me that he snuck a picture of me while we were on the riverboat in the Daintree Rainforest.  I saw him taking a picture and thinking he wanted the view as he had only just met me a couple of hours before I tried to lean out of the picture.  He had to re-group to try to figure out how to get the picture of me without me thinking he was a stalker!)   I am blessed that the second doctor's office I went to said they would allow a known donor after the first one said no way.  I am thankful my parents are so open, amazing, and supportive and were on board with me.  God's blessing was definitely upon me when I got pregnant the first time with a turkey baster!!  I am so thrilled that my little sister, Lindsey, was living with me my entire pregnancy and first few weeks of Tate's life.  He absolutely adores her.   I am surrounded by love, goodness and faithfulness.  What a life.

Living the good life!