My Plus One

Last night Tate and I went to one of my friend's daughter's high school graduation party.  D and I have been friends since we were 10 years old and in the 5th grade together.  37 years of friendship!!!  Isn't that amazing?!  We're not super close friends, we don't hang out or even chat on the phone, ever. But when I started practicing by their house, she brought her girls to me, and I was their dentist for 10 years!  Our mothers worked together at our neighborhood elementary school, and our parents now attend the same church.  All that to say that we don't have any friends in common from our adult lives, but several from our growing up years.

So last night D and her husband threw a huge, lovely bash for their daughter, S.  I figured I wouldn't know anyone, but I wanted to support D, S and their family.  That's what friends do, right?  Even friends you don't see or hang out with.  Friends who you know that when you need them, they would be there in a heartbeat to pray with you, hold you and care for you like you had hung out every day for a year.  That's the kind of friends we are.  So I went with my little boy.

My plus one.

Prior to him being in my life, I would have dreaded this kind of thing.  Because even though I know the hosts, they can't babysit me at their party.  I hate mingling with strangers.  I am not one to walk up to people and insinuate myself in their conversations.  I may have gone to this party pre-Tate, but I would have been much less comfortable.

Now I get to walk in with my happy boy who ran straight outside to play on the swingset.  I got to follow him outside and push him on the swings while surveying the partygoers.  And D was great being sure to introduce me to people and explaining our connection to everyone.  And who doesn't love to talk about their kids....so I heard about all the upcoming graduates and where they're going to college, while I shared tales of kindergarten shenanigans and summer camps for my 5 year old.

But most importantly, I finally have a plus one.  Someone who I can talk to while I eat, someone I can hang out with when I don't know another soul in the room, someone who will laugh at my jokes and someone who wants to be at my side.

Part of me is so very happy to have my plus one.

Yet, part of me is so very scared to have my plus one be my child.  Because he won't always be my plus one.  Oh my goodness, that thought brings such fear and sadness to my heart, it almost paralyzes me. Because I know it's going to happen much sooner than later.  I can hardly type for that realization.  I'll have to go back to going to events alone.  Heck, I'll throw events, and my plus one will be in the room, yet I'll be alone.    

I have to stop now.  

I have to live in the now.

I have to enjoy him now.

I have to soak up this time now.

I have to embrace our relationship now.

I have to love him (and myself!) now.

All there is, is now.

I have to remember....I have my plus one.  For now.