Will Boys Be Boys?

Boys will be boys.  How many times have we all heard that?  An excuse to excuse inexcusable behavior.  

As a woman who grew up with only sisters, who's pretty girly and loves all things princess I've always cringed when I heard that saying.  Then I found out I was going to be become mother to one of those boys!  I swore that my son, my boy, my male child would never hear those words come out of my mouth.  I swore I would never say those words in my head or my heart.  Those words wouldn't even be a bubble above my head out there for the universe to even feel.

Never say never.

Because you know what?

Boys will be boys.

Much like girls will be girls.

It truly is just the way the world works.  

In my opinion.

Or at least the way my world works.

Girls and boys are just different.

I always knew this to be true;  I just didn't know how true it really was.  I've gone out of my way to raise a sweet, caring, gentle, non-video gaming, non Star Wars watching, non Super hero worshipping, non toy gun-toting, loving, kind, Christian boy.  Thus far I think I've achieved my goal.  I've taught him that there are no boy toys or girls toys, just toys.   He's just the sweetest person I know.  

But get him around another boy or boys and woo wee the boy just comes out.  They touch and push and horse around like crazy.  They tickle and irritate one another.  They jump on each other.  

And it's hard for me to watch sometimes because I just don't get it.

However, it's not hard to figure out when another boy is pushing or shoving out of meanness.  There is a definite difference.  There's the quick glance around, finding his target and pushing with anger.  I've seen that done to Tate, and I swoop in with a vengeance.  I've seen it done to other boys, and I swoop in with a vengeance.  This kind of behavior I will not tolerate if I see it;  I don't care whose child you are.

But this roughhousing amongst friends.  Goodness I don't get it.  But boys love it.  Love it.  Crave it.  

I think it might be part of their love language?  

In any event, I'm trying to come to terms with it.  To not cringe when I see it happening with Tate.  Now Tate doesn't do it alot, and he never does it out of anger unless you've pushed or shoved him on purpose then he will most definitely push or hit back.  Otherwise he just likes that tussle between him and his friends.

This afternoon we were at a birthday party.  An indoor birthday party for a little girl turning 5 that was a little bit longer than Tate can tolerate without wanting to run around.  There were probably 16 or 17 girls at the party and 5 boys.  One little boy who is the same age as Tate whom we are friendly with and 3 other boys we didn't know.  It was a the Natural Science Museum.  We had a tour of the Butterfly room for about 25 minutes and a bug presentation of about 30 minutes.  Then there were snacks.  In addition, a face painter showed up for the kids to enjoy.  

There was a line of about 20 tired kids.  They weren't able to run around, they couldn't play with the balloons and the food was over.  However, the little girls were all nicely standing in line, not a peep to be heard.  My friend S (P's mom) and I were sitting down eating some snacks and another mom (who is really sweet, her daughter is my patient) came over to tell me 'Ummmm your son and another little boy in a green shirt are kind of hitting each other and running over each other.  Ummm I wasn't sure if that was ok?"

I was like "Huh?  What?  Oh, it's ok...he and P are friends."  

I could see that didn't allay her fears, so I got on up and walked over to the boys who were all over each other, pushing and shoving, being loud.  Unfortunately, the line of kids were all on top of one another, so their pushing and shoving was a bit intrusive.  S and I shushed them a bit and told them to keep their hands to themselves.  

They just couldn't.  

They started with dolphin noises.  LOL

That got some definitive eye rolls.  

I just said "This is what happens with boys.  It's even worse because there are almost only girls here."

I could tell one mom was still horrified as her little boy just sat there bewildered.  And I know she was thinking "My boy doesn't do that.  Look how nice he's standing."

Of course I'm thinking her kid is a wuss.  

Both our boys are black, so I got the vibe also 'that's how black boys behave.'

Of course that's probably me projecting,  

In any event, S and I just gave up because truly they were bored to tears.  The line was moving at a snail's pace, they had been cooped up now for over an hour and a half, and probably had another half hour in line.  We tried to convince them to run around until the line got shorter to no avail.  Finally the offer of cake got them out of line.

Once the cake was gobbled down back to the line they went.   They were tired by this point, so they were more subdued.  P kept getting in and out of line, but Tate was determined to get his face painted by this point because I wanted to leave, but he cried because he wanted a ghost on his face.  Finally it was his turn and he was thrilled.  P was the last to get painted and then the pair of them got the wiggles again.

They're getting ready to wiggle!

The feet are a dancin'! 

Dancing away!

Just a movin'! 

Trying to listen so they can be still!  Love them!

Boys will be boys.  They really seem to need movement, they need action to learn, they crave touch.  They really crave touch.  It just isn't the touch I thought was needed all the time.  Humans love touch.  I just don't think I realized how the male is wired to receive it differently. I still intend to hug and kiss and cuddle with Tate for as long as he'll let me and then 125395719 years after that.  I love that when we're reading stories he wants to be practically on top of me.  I love that he wants to sit on my lap all the time.  I love that he's light enough that I can still pick him up.  I love that he wants me to tickle him and rough house with him.  I love that we still sleep together, and I get to wrap him up in my arms when I go to bed.  I love that my touch calms his fears and wipes his tears.

My boy will always be my boy.