The Super Hero Conundrum

Super Heroes.

Barbie Dolls.

So male.

So female.

I have been anti-SuperHero since Tate was born, if not before.  I just have in my mind that they're violent with the Ka-pows and the Bams.  Batman comic strips with superheroes' fists coming toward the page.  Bad guys in masks doing bad things, fists a-pumping.  Iron Man racing after a bad guy spraying them with an array of fake bullets or some such was not something I ever wanted my child to see.  The Avengers...goodness the name conjures up all kinds of not so nice pictures.

So no I've never been into the Superheroes.  Sure I watched Superman on the big screen with Christopher Reeve.  And of course I watched the hot Dean Cain on television as Superman.  I sort of enjoyed the first Spiderman movie...who wasn't turned on by that hot upside down kiss between MJ and Spiderman?

But as far as having Tate watch Ironman or Spiderman...not happening in my world.  We don't own any superhero capes;  I've never allowed a light saber in our home;  there has been no talk of Star Wars of the Clone Wars for sure.  Darth Vadar?  The prince of darkness?  Never. 

I feel as strongly about the superheroes as many of my daughter-raising cohorts feel about Barbie and princesses.  They don't want their little girls dressing up or believing that they must have Prince Charming come to their rescue.  They cringe when their little girls swoon over Ariel and Cinderella.

Just as I would cringe if Tate came home and told  me he wanted to be IronMan.

I've always struggled with my aversion to the superhero idea.  It was easy to have a little boy who didn't know who Anikan Skywalker was since he wasn't allowed screen time until he was 2 and even then it was minimal.  Then as he got older it was only on weekends.  In addition he was so enamored of trains, trains, trains.  We are definitely getting past the Thomas the Tank Engine stage, but he's now enthralled with how trains run, work and all the different types.  And he's found Legos.  There is no screen time in our home during the work week and on weekends he'll watch in the mornings a bit, but he is happiest playing with his Legos or having me read to him or playing games or hanging out with our friends and family.  He even had no desire to watch The Lego Movie when I offered it on a plane ride...he thought there were too many bad guys.  So he's definitely fearful of bad guys;  I don't know that that is a bad thing.  Are boys not supposed to be wary and afraid of bad evil people? Does this not play into the whole 'boys will be boys' mentality that everyone says they want to get away from.  Seeing mostly men (because I believe there is a female avenger type character) wield weapons and fight instead of talking or developing relationships...doesn't that seem to perpetuate the behavior we don't want to see in boys or men?

I hate seeing little boys Tate's age pick up light sabors and fight one another with them.  I hate seeing them pretend fight.  I know boys are more physical in play than girls.  I get that....why do we perpetuate it?

But mostly why is it ok for all these superhero type shows to be filled with good v evil?  Why does Spiderman have to 'fake' punch someone to 'win?'  Why is all this violence ok? 

Or am I 100% wrong and these shows and books don't exhibit violence and fists? 

Even so, what is the difference between not wanting your daughter to be stereotyped into loving princesses and barbies and not wanting your son to be stereotyped into loving superheroes and fighting?

I've always told Tate that there are no boy toys or girl toys.  It's worked for quite some time.  He's never questioned it.  Granted we don't have Barbie dolls in our house, but we also don't have doll sized Ironman either.  He does have a kitchen set as well as an American Girl itty bitty male twin (that AG thing was so much more about me and I know it).  But I wanted him to have a doll so he might learn how to take care of others.  He plays with him every once in a GREAT while.  We have several Disney princess cups from our trip to WDW as well as the Disney cruise as well as a Mickey Mouse one or two.  He's never complained when I just pull out a cup and say here.

Until Tuesday when I pulled down the princess one.  I got the 'look'.  You know the one of absolute disdain and horror.  And the talk...

"MOM...that's a girl cup."

Back into the cabinet it went, and I pulled out another one that met with his approval. 

Of course part of this change is being in an all boys' school, but he's been surrounded by this boy v girl stuff since he was in daycare.  Many of the boys and girls at his daycare would routinely say "So and so can't play with this because she's a girl" and vice versa.  He's never cared.  Now he does.  Ok that's fine.  I can  live with that.  For now.  I've laid the foundation; that's all I can really do.
He's not allowed to wear character shoes or clothes at school, so that's helping.  He does have a pair of light-up Captain America shoes which he LOVES. (though I think he loves them for their light-upness :) )...I doubt he could pick Captain America out of a line up.  He used to play power rangers at his old daycare with his BFFs, but rest assured he just mimicked what his friends did.  He didn't come home with any interest in who they were.  He never asked to watch the show or read the book. We don't read any fantasy books...I cannot imagine that I'll be reading 'Harry Potter' to him at any point in time as I have no interest in that kind of stuff.  'The Hunger Games'did nothing for me and I sure as hell am not going to see any of the movies (I only read the first 2;  I have absolutely no desire to read the third).  So poor Tate is starting off 2 steps behind with me as his mama.

But the superhero business...I feel like we're passing this stage soon, so while I don't think many of the boys will be enamored of superheroes for much longer like they are now I still wonder if I've done Tate a disservice.  Though I don't see me letting  my 5 1/2 year old watch any of the Star Wars anytime soon...I just don't think he needs to see Luke Skywalker have his hand cut off, or stormtroopers running amok hurting people.  How is this in any way, shape or form good for developing and nurturing kind, Christian, loving, honest, strong of heart mind body and soul men?
What attributes do these characters exhibit or embody who I want to help Tate become? Just like parents question whether princesses in need of rescue exhibit the qualities they want their daughters to embrace, I question whether these superheroes exhibit the qualities I want my son to embrace.

Thoughts?