Tate's Birth Story - Part II of Several :)

Email!  Who would have thought 30 years ago that you could send a message to someone halfway around the world and have them receive it almost instantaneously?   And as quickly as they received it they could respond?  Whereas previously starting and building a relationship with someone 5000 miles apart meant ridiculously expensive phone calls, handwritten letters at the mercy of international post offices in 2 different countries and navigating a huge time difference, now communication seemed almost magical.

And that's how Christian and I connected.  I hemmed and hawed about whether I should email  him upon my return, but I finally did about 2 weeks after I returned.  I was thrilled when he emailed me back the very same day. 

In the meantime, Christmas came and went and before I knew it, January 2008 was upon us.  I had my first appointment with an RE (which at the time I didn't even know she had a specific 'title';  shows how very little thinking I gave this whole becoming a mom on my own thing!).  I did the Clomid Challenge and got the go-ahead to get started.  I needed to choose a donor and simply decide when I wanted to start.  For myself personally I wanted to save a bit more money and lose a bit of weight, so I decided I would start that summer.

Meanwhile, Christian and I continued to communicate, usually via email with a couple of phone conversations every once in a while.  And we were both open, giving and honest about our lives,our families, our hopes and dreams, everything with one another.  As such I had mentioned to him my desire to become a mother, a single mother.  He was so very excited for me and so supportive.  I mentioned using an anonymous donor and my excitement and nervousness as I perused profiles from the California Cryobank.  As the weeks and months rolled by that winter and spring of 2008 many of my emails made mention of my excitement about becoming a mother, my hope and dreams for my child as well as my nervousness and concerns about being a single mother by choice.  Going back and reading those emails, my absolute joy and happiness in becoming a mother just emanates off the pages.  And Christian's support and happiness for me is just as present.

Then in late May, Christian mentioned in the middle of a lovely, chatty email that if I hadn't already chosen a donor that he would be happy 'to help out if I lacked some DNA'.

And boom!  There it was!  I had never considered a known donor, and it had never crossed my mind to even think of asking him or any other man in my life to donate for me.  Yet, 3 days later I responded to his email to say yes I would love to consider his offer.

From then on it was a whirlwind.  We talked.  We emailed.  We took time to think independent of one another.  What did he want out of this?  What did I expect from him?  What did I not want of him?  Why would he do this?  Why would I let him do this?  And most important, how would this child-to-be be affected?

What I am as sure of today as I was then is that this child would be loved.  By both of us.  He would be wanted.  By both of us.  Though this child would live thousands of miles from his biological father, they would be connected.  Though I wasn't sure what I wanted this connection to be, nor did I know what I wanted it to be I realized I wanted this child of mine to have some sort of connection to his/her father.

I said yes.  Yes.  After lots of prayer, more talking/emailing, speaking with attorneys on my part, talking to a few friends, more prayer and more talking with Christian I decided yes.  I decided to have Christian be Tate's father.  

Because more love is always good.  More people out there on this HUGE planet caring about you and loving you is a very good thing.   And I loved Christian by now and he loved me.  Our friendship, though new and only via email and phone calls, was strong and so uplifting.  We had become connected in some amazing way. And though I knew he would not be able to be a present father in my child's life, nor did I want him to be, I knew this was the right choice for me and my future child.  He loved this child to come, even said so himself in one of his many emails.  He was already so in love with this baby.  Almost as much it seemed as I already was.  It seemed that this choice, for him, would bring him some sort of peace in his world.  As I read through some of his many emails I can feel his excitement as he talked about how cute 'our' baby would be, what a great mother he believed I would be and in the next sentence he would muse about how hard it would be for him to be so far away knowing someone with his DNA was crawling around without him being able to watch him/her grow up.  And we both worried that we were making a huge mistake, because our choices would affect this child in ways we knew we couldn't even imagine.

By this time I had already said yes.  Yes, come donate for me.  Let's take this leap of faith and you help me make a baby.  So, that late June of 2008 we decided to look for flights to get him to Houston that August.  We were going forward.  There was only one real glitch...the RE I had seen in January was summarily unwilling to work with someone with a known donor.  Though I assured them I had hired an attorney and that Christian was going to be terminating his rights at the birth of this and any child(ren), and I took full legal responsibility, they said no.  They would not help me reach my dream of being a mother.  I was in shock.  Upset to say the least.  But I persevered.  I spoke to my regular ob and she referred me to another clinic.  And they were fantastic.  Just fantastic.  

Christian's flight was booked.  I put in for a bit of vacation time.  Doctor's appointments were set for the week.  Attorney appointments were made.  I started tracking my cycle, taking my basal temperature and reading anything and everything I could get my hands on about becoming a single mother by choice.  And I waited for the end of August to come.  Anxiously.  Nervously.  On pins and needles.

For Christian and I had spent 12 hours together.  One half of one day in Cairns, Australia.  While on vacation.  Who isn't their best self when you are in an amazing country, sun-kissed, relaxed and happy?  What did we really know of being in the same space together?  We are of two completely and totally different countries and lifestyles.  He was born in Eastern Germany.  I was born in the always free United States of America.   He's a boy.  I'm a girl.

When I saw him again for the first time as he came out of the Customs Department at IAH all my worries drifted away.  That smile and that amazing hug when we saw each other again.  

This child to come was going to be blessed beyond measure.