Blessings in the midst of angst

In the middle of the night when my baby is sick, feverish and so sad I am so aware of my singleness.


Last night when we got home from work/daycare, Tate was not happy about dinner.  He just pushed his food around and was disinterested.  I finally thought to touch his forehead and the little guy was soooo warm.  I swooped him up, and we went upstairs to take his temperature and get on into bed.  He had a fever of 100.3.  Thankfully he loves, and I mean loves, to take medicine...any kind.  (he will even take his Singular granules simply mixed with water if it's in a syringe!  Blech!)  Got some Ibuprofen in him, brushed teeth, squigeed his poor little nose, bathed him and into bed he went.  At 3:47am I heard him let out a long sigh and a little moan.  He had a fever of 101.9...more Ibuprofen and into bed with Mommy he went.  But apparently all he needed was a little hug from his mommy.  He was up and down for the next hour...ugh.  I know he didn't feel well, so that was part of it.  But also that time of early morning is so hard for him.  Even as a newborn that 4am feeding was tough.  After he would nurse he had such a hard time going back to sleep.  He has truly not outgrown that.


Luckily, our office had not scheduled patients for this morning.  Tate still had a fever of 100.5 around 730am.  He wasn't very hungry, but he was a trooper.  He played very well by himself for 30 minutes while I picked up and did some things around here.  Once our housekeeper arrived he was busy showing her all of his stuffed animals.  (he is so outgoing it amazes me).  Lunch was a no go as well, but he went down for his nap with no fussing.  He was warm most of the morning, slightly lethargic and just wanted to be held quite a bit.


Unfortunately I had to work this afternoon.  There was noone to cover for me.  And a perfect storm of impossible situations occurred.  We are expecting snow, sleet and ice in Houston.  (it was anticipated to begin during rush hour...5pm)  My mom had to be home tonight in preparation for tomorrow as she has a colonoscopy scheduled for Saturday at 630am.  This requires a person to drink some hideous solution and utilize the facilities on a very regular basis the day before.  I did not want my mother driving in home in what could have been treacherous driving conditions, so she was out.  My dad has a long term substituting job at the moment.  Most of my friends work, and those who don't and have kids...well they didn't need my sick kid around their child(ren).  I am so lucky that my sister's company heeded the warnings and told their employees to leave at 2pm (they have done this many times in the past, so once we knew the airports were closing as were most school I knew there was a good chance Lindsey would get off early, yet we didn't know how early, and I had to be at work at 130pm).  I called 2 other dear friends who both agreed to rearrange their schedules if need be to help watch Tate, even taking turns as needed in between meetings and picking up their own kids.  I took Tate up to work with me, and the lovely ladies at the office took turns entertaining my sick baby while I was seeing patients.  Tate was soooo good.  It was so obvious he felt so bad, yet he didn't cry when I would go off leaving him with people he had never met before.  Lindsey arrived about an hour later and took him home.  She is so amazing with him, and we are so very blessed to have her live so close to us.  She is a huge part of Tate's life, and I don't know what I would do without her.  She has been there for us more times than I can count;  she is almost his other mother.  For that I will be eternally grateful.


So tonight, my little guy sleeps the sleep of the not so well.  At bathtime his fever was 101.2 and his little body was so hot.  Heat just emanated off of him.  He just curled up and wanted to be held as I took each item of clothing off in preparation for his bath.  After his bath he was much cooler and in much better spirits though.  He laid down and drifted right off to sleep after lullabies and books.  We shall see what the dark, cold, hopefully snowy night brings.

Tate napping this afternoon

As cliche as it, it does indeed take a village to raise a child.  How anyone does this without family and friend support as a choice mom is beyond me.   I garner so much strength and comfort from these wonderful people in my life.  It's those connections that get me through the long, sometimes very scary nights alone with Tate.  Because believe me, when your baby is sick, burning up with fever and not feeling well and it's 3:47 it's scary.  At that point it's hard to imagine he will ever be ok or that anything you are doing can possibly be right.  You just want him to feel better.  3:47 in the morning does not lend itself to making you feel like a competent mother.  You are alone and the person you love most is looking to you to make him feel better or at least explain why he just hurts.  Those are the moments you sit back in your rocking chair, your baby in your arms, and allow the love of friends, family and God to envelope you in an invisible hug and bring you hope.  The sun will rise soon;  it always does.