The last day of Twenty-Ten

As I bathed Tate tonight, this last day of 2010, I was in awe of how much my baby has grown in the past 365 days.  He walks, talks (well a little bit!), runs, squeals in delight, laughs full on belly laughs, hugs me...the most bestest feeling in the world, has opinions and tantrums, follows directions, knows what he wants, loves cars and airplanes, plays, chases the cat, loves Christmas tree lights and his new Christmas train.  He's still pretty serious, but once he's warmed up to you, he'll giggle like no other. 

He's my sweet, sweet boy.  My son.  All mine and mine alone.  And I get to spend another year with the honor of being his mommy.  Most times I cannot believe he's here and that he's mine.  I do acknowledge that he's not really 'mine,' but I have been given the privilege of raising him by our Father.  There are times I cannot believe he was once even more a part of me, growing inside me....what an honor that was!

This sweet boy of mine has had a difficult end to 2010.  Yesterday, my parents were watching him while I worked.  My mom called me around 1pm to tell me Tate had woken from his nap screaming and his eyes were swelling shut.  My parents were beside themselves, and asked me to meet them at the ER.  I raced from work, however I just knew they had to be exaggerating.  Once I got to the ER I realized very quickly they were not.  My poor baby was having yet another idiopathic allergic reaction.



I was horrified.  I felt just awful for him.  My poor parents;  I have never seen my dad so worried and my mom was beside herself.  And Tate.  He was so sad.  We were hustled to the back once I arrived.  He got an injection of epinephrine and decadron (a steroid).  My parents were also with it and gave him a dose of benadryl before they left their house!  We will be off to the allergist next week for another evaluation.  This is the second time he's had a reaction to something unknown.  I hate this not knowing.  It could be anything and as such anything and everything is fair game.  And that's the scariest thing!  How can I protect him if I don't know what I'm protecting him from.  And that's my most important job...protector.  Mother bear!  Noone and nothing is supposed to hurt my baby if I can help it.  I feel helpless and that has to be the worst feeling in the world.

However, I have to have faith.  I know we will figure this out.  God is going to protect my sweet boy.  As we leave 2010 I am so blessed.  Tate has brought me so much joy.  I can't think of anywhere I would rather be than with him.  My wish for 2011 and every other year to come is to remember to just stop and enjoy the moments.  Each and every one of them.  To just sit, be still and enjoy what I have.  And what I have is what I have always wanted most in the world...my baby, my child, my gift from God.