Thanksgiving Feast

Today was Tate's little Thanksgiving Feast at his sweet little school.  I was supposed to work half a day, but I told them I needed to leave at 1030 because I wasn't about to miss his little program.  This is probably just the start of leaving earlys for Tate's activities, but I intend to be as present as I can to as many of his activities as I can.


My parents took him to his swim lessons for me this morning as there are no make-ups for swim lessons at this swim school.  My mom has probably taken 4-6 times already.  She's so awesome...she suits up and gets in the pool with him just like I do!  How lucky am I to have my parents available to do this for us.  They dropped Tate off at school so he could prepare with his little friends for the day's event.  I met them here at home and we went on over to the school in time for the feast!


It was as organized as you can get with 50-60 kids running amok.  Not many of them joined in for the singing and many were crying being kept from their parents who were all trying to get photo ops!  Tate did well and didn't try to get to me or my parents, but he also was too busy just taking everything in and only participated when given a musical instrument to play during one of the songs.


But he's just so adorable. I love watching him interact with his classmates and teachers.  We then ate lunch, well I had brought Tate a lunch from home as I can never be sure what people put in homemade items.  But me and my parents have some of the yummy offerings.  I brought Tate home with me and put him down for his nap and then joined him about 45 minutes later.  It was a great afternoon for the both us...I so needed that nap!


The rest of the day was uneventful.  We ran to Target then came home and just hung out, the two of us.  


The two of us.  I so love the sound of that.


The two of us.  Me and my sweet sweet boy!

Cues

Well tonight I'm eternally grateful for my seemingly good health.


Two weeks ago today I started having alot of dull pain in my lower right abdomen, in the area of my right ovary.  I chalked it up to the fact that I was probably ovulating as it had been 15 days since my period....so right on time.  I have had more discomfort with ovulation ever since I delivered Tate.  I can almost always tell which side I ovulate on as it's a bit sore/tender.  But this was much different.  It was really uncomfortable.  Advil helped, so I gobbled them down.  And of course the very morning I started hurting I had read an article in the 'O' magazine about a woman who had been on some sort of international trip and had a dull ache in her ovaries and turned out to have ovarian cancer.  


Cue my anxiety.


I really thought the discomfort would go away and it did to an extent, but it was still very present.  Just not as intense.  So I decided to ride it out and NOT google ovarian cancer on the internet.  That lasted about 48 hours.  I googled it.


Cue my paranoia.


Apparently the symptoms of ovarian cancer are pretty ambiguous.  I also managed to conveniently  forget briefly that I had a history of ovarian cysts from less than 2 years ago.  I was having such issues with heavy periods and clotting that I had a diagnostic ultrasound and a biopsy and all was normal save the large cysts.  How could I have forgotten this?  So while reading about ovarian cancer I noted that the many websites included cysts in their differential diagnosis.


Cue my light bulb to go off.


So, off I go to google ovarian cysts.  And lo and behold they can rupture and cause all kinds of pain and be a bit of a hazard to one's health.


Cue my freak out button.


I gobbled down my Advil and went about my days though.  The discomfort was there, but not getting worse.  I thought about calling my ob/gyn, but get this I'm so distraught about having to get weighed and disappointing my ob/gyn (I've been seeing her since I was 14 when I had some medical issues,  she is like a mom to me...she's just fantastic) that I didn't want to go in.  Isn't that just absurd.  What the hell?  I'm a grown woman, granted a grown woman making poor food choices, but a grown woman.  


Cue my frustration with myself.


Then last Thursday I felt better.  The pain wasn't constant.  I thought I was in the clear.  Then BAM Friday I was feeling so much worse, now this wasn't debilitating, just most unpleasant and worse after sitting/laying down for a period of time that I got worried again.   I finally called my doc's office but they close early on Fridays, and I had missed them.


Cue my guilt for putting this off.


And then much to my surprise my period started on Saturday, 5 days early.  That in and itself confused me greatly, and my cycle length has been getting shorter and shorter each month....is this perimenopause?


Cue my disbelief!


So then the cramping and the headaches come along with the bowel disruption!  And the lingering pain in my belly.  More Advil ingested.  Monday I called and left a message for the triage nurse for an appointment with my doc today.  She was really kind, but she couldn't reassure me that nothing was wrong.


Cue my nervous waiting.


The week progressed uneventfully.  The pain has subsided quite a bit, but every now and then it's back.  So today I saw my beloved Dr. K.  She did a pelvic exam and an ultrasound.  She's awesome and always points everything out to me on the u/s.  I got to see my cute little ovaries and my fabulous uterus! Everything was in working order.  I didn't have any discomfort when she did her external or internal exam.  And she saw no cysts either or any evidence that any had ruptured though she said it could be a possibility but it was not within the past 3-4 days.  My ovaries look great she said, just some follicles present (eggs).  She decided that it was probably just normal menstrual discomfort and my ovaries were stretching quite a bit causing a muscle type ache.  Her only other concern was appendicitis, but as I'm having no other symptoms of that...fever, nausea, vomiting etc...she feels that can be ruled out.  I've been sent home with orders to sleep on the opposite from where the pain is, take Aleve (as opposed to Advil), apply heat the offending area and to have another baby.  


ANOTHER BABY?!?! 


YEP! ANOTHER BABY!!


She has been on me to have another baby and soon since my well woman exam in March.  She just thinks I need 2!  But unless she's going to be my live-in nanny, doula, housekeeper, cook, chauffeur and wet nurse it's not happening.


I am to call back if the pain worsens or isn't significantly better in 3-4 weeks and get a referral to a GI doc.  I'm confident though that this is what she says it is...my ovaries just working hard and me being much more in tune with my body since delivering Tate.


Cue my relief.

So tonight I'm taking the many cues God has given me to work on getting my health back on track.  A few weeks ago, I got a little whisper when after my physical my cholesterol came back high (no real shock) necessitating pharmaceutical intervention.  Now this.  I've got to take much better care of this body that I've been given to inhabit on this beautiful earth.  Tate deserves to have a mother for many, many, many years in good health who can play with him, run around with him, teach him how to ride a bike, how to drive a car, how to hold a door for a woman, how to raise his own kids.  I love this baby too much to live my life in fear.  Neither of us deserves that.  So it's time to get started.  This is going to be a great ride!


Cue my determination.  

So Very Tired

I'm so tired tonight.  Not unlike the rest of my nights for the past 2 years 3 months and 23 days :).  But it's a good tired, well maybe just an ok tired.


But tonight I'm thankful that I have a warm bed upstairs just waiting for me to climb in.  My room is comfy and cozy and my bed is AWESOME.  (of course my mattress is a couple of years past the what 7 or 8 years you're supposed to keep a mattress, but I digress)  


And best of all I've got an amazing roommate.  I get to sleep in the same room with my fabulous little boy.  Though he tosses and turns and fusses as he re-situates himself a few times during the night searching for that much loved hippo and that much adored pacifier (which we are working on getting rid of...we're giving them to Santa to pass out to all the babies on Christmas...will this make him detest Santa?  I hope not!  I may need to re-think this).  Anyway, I don't get 7-8 hours of straight sleep since I hear his every whine and fuss, but for as much as I complain about being tired I'm loathe to change our sleeping arrangements.  


So back to being thankful for a warm, cozy bed.  I'll be safe and warm.  And I'll get to do one of my favorite pasttimes...sleep.  Ahhhh.  


I'm off!

Books A Million

I love to read.  Love love love to read.  My closet's top shelf is wall to wall books (I have a HUGE walk in closet).  I keep a book in my master bath bathroom, a different one in the half bath on the second floor and yet another in the first floor bath room.  I have one at my office.  I'm finally caving and told my parents I would like a Kindle for Christmas.


I can't remember a time I didn't love reading.  We used to drive across the country to get back to Virginia to visit family from Texas every other summer.  My mother would spend every other minute telling me I needed to appreciate at least some of the gorgeous scenery of this gorgeous country of ours and to look up from my book from time to time.  From Nancy Drew to Little Women to The Great Gatsby to The Help I love them all.  I'm most a fan of romantic novels but thoroughly enjoy most fiction save science fiction and bloody/gory mysteries.


I always hoped my child(ren) would also love books.  I got my wish.


I'm so thankful tonight that Tate seems to really love reading even at the tender age of 2.  When I tell him to go play while I clean the kitchen or clean up etc invariably he'll run into the living room where all his toys are and sit down and start going through his books.  I'll hear his sweet little voice just reading out loud to anyone or anything who will listen.  His favorite pasttime with me is having me read to him.  He can sit for hours to be read to.  I love it.


His favorites these days to read to himself are "Green Eggs and Ham," "Subway," "No More Pacifiers for Piggy," (when is this going to translate to no more pacifiers for Tate?), "Central Park Serenade," (an absolutely lovely lovely book and anything "Maisy."  


I hope to continue to foster this love of reading for Tate.  For whenever you have a book you have a friend, fun places to visit, cool things to see, amazing things to learn and dreams to dream.  It's so awesome to be able to go to places your feet have yet to be able to take you.


So I'm so very grateful that Tate is embracing the written word.  The love of reading is something I always wanted to share with my child;  I hope it's something we can do together for many many years to come.

Tonight as he sat on the potty doing his business

At night after he falls asleep I put books in his bed for him to 'read' when he wakes up
 so he'll give me about a few more minutes of sleep hopefully!

Waiting for his surgery...the only things I needed to bring
 him to entertain him were books.

Changing with the Times!

This evening like all other evenings Tate and I skyped with my parents at dinner time.  We've been doing that for the past 4-5 months or so.  I get Tate situated in the highchair and we call my parents on the computer.  It's just so great.  He gets to see them almost every single day.  My parents enjoy it as much if not more than my baby does.  Watching my dad dance, make silly faces and goofy noises brings a smile to my heart each and every time.  And seeing my mom smile and just relax as she interacts with her grandson makes me so very happy.


And Tate just giggles and offers them bits of his food that they make all the appropriate chewing noises and faces that accompany eating :).  Just recently he's started really interacting with them by responding to questions and 'telling them about his day.'  Previously he would just smile and laugh. 


So tonight I'm grateful for technology and as far as we've come in this, the computer age.  I also have Tate skype with Christian when possible.  The time difference makes this extremely difficult, but we just skyped with Christian and his family this past Saturday.  It was so much fun...we were online together for over an hour.  Tate had a ball.  He really enjoyed himself which surprised me.  He showed off all his artwork and danced with Christian.  He played with his tunnel/tent and was sure to show them how it worked.  He played his Elmo guitar and had all his Keith Urban moves down.  


I've always found myself to be ambivalent to technology. Yes, I have an iPhone and now I have a MacBook, but really and truly I see nothing special about them.  I had two Dells prior to this, and meh! they're all the same.  Open the laptop, push the keys and voila! 


But it's more than that isn't it?  It's about connections to a great extent.  And I'm so thrilled that Tate is growing up with this capability in his life.  No matter how far apart we are we will be able to be connected, in real time, face to face.  How lucky is he?! How lucky am I?    ( of course this is predicated on the fact that I hope he'll always want that face time with me when it's possible!!)


As I finish this post tonight I think of all the people who will read this and have a glimpse into our little lives.  Hopefully, someone will laugh, someone will see themselves, someone will feel connected to us.  And years from now, I'll be able to show this blog to Tate and he will have a glimpse into how his life started here with me.  I still try to keep handwritten journals of my deepest thoughts and feelings, the ones way too personal to share, but I'm so glad to have this place to share with all of you.  Twenty years ago this wouldn't have been possible for me.  


So, I'm going to use my technology to load a video of Tate skyping.  I'm so very glad to be able to have a place to keep my memories of my sweet boy and our lives together.  Thanks for stopping by!

This video was just taken this past Saturday, November 12, 2011.  We were skyping with Christian who was in Frankfurt visiting his parents.  Tate insisted upon dancing to this song with Christian though he gets a bit shy at times.  We had a wonderful time visiting with them on Skype for over an hour!!  Such a blessing!!

He's Home!

Tonight I'm thankful that my sweet boy is back home where he belongs!


He's upstairs sound asleep in his crib with his hippo, his Prickles, his Corduroy and his Pink Bear.  And the ever present Sue-Y.  


I've checked on him twice already, run my hand over his lovely curls.


When I rocked him tonight he put that gorgeous head right in the crook of my neck and just held on and then his breathing even out and I could feel his sweet breath on my neck.  I could feel his warm, cuddly, soft body against mine and all was right in my world again.


And no I didn't really sleep well.  I woke up so many times I lost count.  I finally gave up and got out of bed at 7:51am.  I am not well rested.  I didn't catch up on my sleep.


But we did it.  We slept apart.  22.15 miles separated us and we did it.  Tate ended up in bed with his Grandmommy halfway through the night, but they had a dandy time.  He slept well, and she promised me she got some sleep as well though he did his normal toddler acrobatics all night long!  When I got to my parents' he and my mom were outside blowing bubbles and playing on the slide (in short sleeves no less...November in Houston! Sigh).  He barely acknowledged my presence.  Until I went back to my car.  Then all hell broke loose...tears, running after me.  


Mommy's not leaving sweet boy.  I'm here.  I'm here.


And tonight he's here.  He's here.  


We're here together.  

Home Alone

I'm just home from our annual Girls' Thanksgiving Dinner that I spend every year around this time with my amazing girlfriends.  Rebecca makes a fabulous turkey and dressing and channels her inner Martha while the other 6 of us bring delicious side dishes.  It's a great night of amazing food made with love, good wine, laughter, joy, silliness and the love of great friends.  


The past two years I've had my parents watch Tate and spend the night here at my house.  This year however I chose to take Tate to my parents' and let him spend the night there.


This is the first night since he was born that we have spent the night separated from one another.


842 nights together.


829 nights in the same room together as I spent a few nights in the room downstairs when I was sick or just wanted to try to get some better rest.


And I miss him.


I just went upstairs to change my clothes.  The door to our room was open like I left it when I ran downstairs to leave when Ali picked me up a few hours ago.  I didn't have to be quiet when I went in.


The crib is empty.


The air purifier isn't running, nor is his lullaby music.  I don't hear him turning over or breathing that sweet boy breath.  It's unbelievably quiet.


The room has a completely different vibe.


As I leaned over the crib I could almost see him curled up in it last night.  I could see those beautiful brown eyelashes brushing those cheeks.  I imagined him sucking on his pacifier clutching his much loved hippo.  I can almost feel those sweet curls on his head as I stroke his head like I do every night when I come into the room to go to bed.


There's no little boy in that bed tonight.


And I'm sad.  I'm shocked by how much I miss him.  I'm surprised by how much my sleeping baby fills up my room with his mere presence even in sleep.  I'm amazed how much I feel like a huge part of me is missing.  


And I'm grateful.


I'm grateful that my parents are so amazing and are taking such great care of my precious boy tonight.  My mom is sleeping in the bed in the room where Tate sleeps in his crib at their house.  They played with my sweet boy all afternoon taking him to the park and playing games and dancing with him.  My mom said Tate was pretty quiet during his bath and bedtime routine, I'm sure wondering where I was and what was going on.  But he went on to sleep she said and he'll wake in the morning to two of his favorite people.


So, tonight I'm grateful for this respite 2 years, 3 months and 20 days into his wonderful life.  I need the rest (here's hoping I don't just wake up anyway tomorrow morning at 530a!) and we need to learn that it's ok to be separated from one another every once in a GREAT LONG while.  I am going to miss his sweet hug in the morning with his 'Good Morning Sunshine', but I know that as soon as I get to my parents' house I'll be greeted with a big smile and a kiss.  


So I'm off to bed to get some much needed sleep and hopefully I'll sleep in a bit!!


And also the sooner I go to sleep the sooner I can go get my boy!!!  


Some pictures of my sweet Baby Tate over the past 2 years sleeping the sleep of the angels!!