My third Mother's Day has passed. And I most certainly considered myself as being a mother when I was pregnant that first Mother's Day. Honestly, that first one is the one that means the most to me. I was carrying in my precious boy close to my heart and soul and he was of my body. We have never been as close since. I will treasure those 9 months of us sharing my body, heart and life. How amazing is it to be a woman?
Tate Christopher is making strides in leaps and bounds these days. I am so very lucky to be his mommy and be witness to his life. His joy and exuberance are a sight to behold. Where I once was so worried he wasn't talking enough, I am now amazed that I can say a 'new' word to him and he will most often repeat it and look astonished that he was able to do it. It's like he's rolling the new words around in his cute little mouth as he articulates them.
So in the past 2 months what has he become able to say? In no particular order....
Tate! He loves loves loves to say his name and looks for every opportunity to find his picture and point and say 'Tate'. This is new in the past week.
fish
pig
horse
neigh
Kayla and Korey (his cousins we are going to see in 2 weeks in NYC)
apple
help (when he has his meltdowns because he can't do something I'm always telling him 'just say mom
help please' He finally figured this out!!!)
grndada (that's how it sounds!)
mommy for grandmommy
mama for me
Yin-sey for Aunt Lindsey
airplane
truck
bus
light
two
three (but no counting!)
mum mum
please (he's been doing the sign for months and always does it at the appropriate time)
Amen (this is the sweetest thing ever...last Friday as he ate his snack at home, he put his hands in prayer form while sitting in his highchair and said amen. He learned this at school. I'm beyond thrilled. As we say our prayers at night he puts his little hands in prayer and sits very still while I say his prayers for him. I am blessed)
bubbles
What happened? And he does his little hands in the oh my goodness what happened pose! So adorable!
clock
shoe
sock
banana
yeah ( it's the cutest thing to hear...'did you have a good day today Tate?' 'yeah! yeah!')
hot (everything is hot? hot?)
up
Vincent
trash
tree
off
seat
apple
giraffe
out
toy
toys (um yes that's 2 different words!!!) :)
milk
yogurt
cheerios
Oma
Opa
bike
thank you
no
hello
goat
coat
hat
spoon
teeth
bite
walk
cup
hippo
Corduroy (this stuns me...he's been saying it for about 2 months..won't sit still for more than 2 pages of the book, but loves to say Corduroy...has named his lovey bear this)
see (he'll show you something and say 'see?'
And best of all a Tate version of 'I love you'...I love.
I'm thinking I'm not going to be able to keep up with a list much longer. Each and everyday he says more words. Not only does he know the words, but he knows what they are in reference to. He comes downstairs to the second floor and runs into the living room saying 'toys!' He will also try to repeat any word I ask him to. If I am counting and say one, two he will follow with three. As much as I miss the baby stage, and I really do, this stage is awesome and I love it. I'm so much less stressed now by anything he does or doesn't do (usually) that I can just sit back and enjoy my amazing gift of being his mother. I spent the first year worrying incessantly about how much he wouldn't sleep which robbed me of enjoying his life. I finally let go of that control and wow is motherhood just grand now. (and that's definitely a topic for another post!)
Mother. Mommy. Mama. Mom. Mum. Moooooommmm.
I love my life.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Noone
Wow. Two posts in one night.
As I sit here tonight going through pictures of Tate, 'checking' Facebook, deleting some emails I am overwhelmed by the quiet of my home. Tate has been in bed since 7, and Vincent is still not pleased with me over his visit to the vet yesterday. I looked around and just became insidiously aware of my aloneness. Every. Single. Night. Once Tate is asleep I do have a myriad of things to accomplish before I can rest and just be. I have to clean up the dirty dinner dishes, clean out his lunch bag and backpack and put all those items into the dishwasher or clean them. There's always laundry to be done, picking up after Tate (and the cat), dishwasher to be emptied, bills to pay and showers to take. But it's all done alone.
Just me.
Noone to share the details of my day with. Noone to say 'Should we watch television or just hang out?" Noone to ask 'Can I lend you a hand?' Noone to say 'You're doing a great job.' Noone to ask how I'm feeling. Noone to massage my tired feet. Noone to enjoy my meal with if I didn't get my act together to eat with Tate. Noone to just sit there and be a witness to my life.
The phone doesn't normally ring after 730pm as most of my friends have families with children and husbands. Homework is being done, baths are being taken, swim lessons and soccer practice are running late, so dinner will be late. And once their kids are in bed, they're doing much of the same things I've been doing only there is someone there to share it with. Now I'm patently aware that many or some partners don't do their fair share of sharing, but I'm not referring to 'chores.' I'm referring to just sharing a life with someone...the mundane, everyday nuances of living. I think I miss that. Tonight the quiet is deafening. Tonight I'm lonely. And I know this feeling may be that I just had a houseguest for 10 days, so his presence is definitely missed. But for whatever reason, tonight I'm lonely.
This single life is hard sometimes. I think I thought having another person in this house albeit a child would make the loneliness seem less intrusive, and it definitely does. Yet though Tate's laughter, joy and embracement of life fill up every single corner of this house, I'm still lonely sometimes when he's awake. I love watching him live his life, and I wish many a time there was someone else who could sit here with me and witness his life. I know he won't remember these days, and now I'm charged with remembering it for him. Me. Just me.
Being single is hard. And tonight it's been exceptionally tough. So, I shall go off to bed in the room I share with my precious boy, run my hand down his little back to feel his sweet tummy breathe in and out as I always do, press a kiss to his head and climb into bed. Alone. Maybe he'll wake up tonight and want a cuddle. Wouldn't that be nice? My soft sweet baby all tucked up under me. That will make being single and alone in the bed completely worth it.
As I sit here tonight going through pictures of Tate, 'checking' Facebook, deleting some emails I am overwhelmed by the quiet of my home. Tate has been in bed since 7, and Vincent is still not pleased with me over his visit to the vet yesterday. I looked around and just became insidiously aware of my aloneness. Every. Single. Night. Once Tate is asleep I do have a myriad of things to accomplish before I can rest and just be. I have to clean up the dirty dinner dishes, clean out his lunch bag and backpack and put all those items into the dishwasher or clean them. There's always laundry to be done, picking up after Tate (and the cat), dishwasher to be emptied, bills to pay and showers to take. But it's all done alone.
Just me.
Noone to share the details of my day with. Noone to say 'Should we watch television or just hang out?" Noone to ask 'Can I lend you a hand?' Noone to say 'You're doing a great job.' Noone to ask how I'm feeling. Noone to massage my tired feet. Noone to enjoy my meal with if I didn't get my act together to eat with Tate. Noone to just sit there and be a witness to my life.
The phone doesn't normally ring after 730pm as most of my friends have families with children and husbands. Homework is being done, baths are being taken, swim lessons and soccer practice are running late, so dinner will be late. And once their kids are in bed, they're doing much of the same things I've been doing only there is someone there to share it with. Now I'm patently aware that many or some partners don't do their fair share of sharing, but I'm not referring to 'chores.' I'm referring to just sharing a life with someone...the mundane, everyday nuances of living. I think I miss that. Tonight the quiet is deafening. Tonight I'm lonely. And I know this feeling may be that I just had a houseguest for 10 days, so his presence is definitely missed. But for whatever reason, tonight I'm lonely.
This single life is hard sometimes. I think I thought having another person in this house albeit a child would make the loneliness seem less intrusive, and it definitely does. Yet though Tate's laughter, joy and embracement of life fill up every single corner of this house, I'm still lonely sometimes when he's awake. I love watching him live his life, and I wish many a time there was someone else who could sit here with me and witness his life. I know he won't remember these days, and now I'm charged with remembering it for him. Me. Just me.
Being single is hard. And tonight it's been exceptionally tough. So, I shall go off to bed in the room I share with my precious boy, run my hand down his little back to feel his sweet tummy breathe in and out as I always do, press a kiss to his head and climb into bed. Alone. Maybe he'll wake up tonight and want a cuddle. Wouldn't that be nice? My soft sweet baby all tucked up under me. That will make being single and alone in the bed completely worth it.
Easter 2011
So, now that the drama of a 'sick' kiddo and kitty cat has dissipated, I can record my memories of Tate's second Easter for him!!
The Easter Bunny had left a little something for Tate Sunday morning, but Tate was not the least bit interested until he had finished his breakfast of champions...cheerios, banana and plain yogurt. Then he was all over the Easter Basket offerings!! Such absolute joy in his face, his voice and his actions!! This is what having a child is all about...the pure and complete joy of life!! Christian's family also sent along some wrapped gifts for Tate as well...they are so amazing!!
Tate, Christian and I went to the kid-centerd Awesome Worship Service at our church, St. John the Divine. It's a completely child centered service. I have to admit, I do miss my traditional service, Rite II in the church. I could put Tate in the church nursery, but we already spend so much time apart during the week that I have yet to do so. He does fairly well in the service, but it always hankering for a snack or something to drink. The sermon can be a little long for him as they are geared towards children probably over the age of 3, but we go every once and a while. He'll get there. I so want him to have a solid Christian upbringing and to enjoy going as much as I did.
So the 3 of us went together. I made an exception for Easter and allowed Tate to have his pacifier and both loveys during the entire service. Sigh. He did great alternating between Christian and I holding him. After the service the church has an Easter Egg Hunt out on the lawn. Again, Tate was unsure, but I think he had fun. He actually was very into picking up the eggs and giving them other children. He didn't collect very many for himself. I suppose I should be proud of his generous heart.
We ventured back home for naptime for both boys again after a small lunch :). My parents and youngest sister came over for a family Easter lunch. Yum!! My oldest sister and her family arrived later on, and we just hung out and let the kids play. That evening, Christian did Tate's entire bedtime routine from bath to bed one time, just the 2 of them. I know they both enjoyed that time together both nights, and I know it was a difficult time for Christian as he kissed Tate good-night one last time for what will be quite some time. It breaks my heart sometimes to witness Christian as he goes through this whenever he comes to visit. This gift he has given me is just one I cannot begin to describe.
The Easter Bunny had left a little something for Tate Sunday morning, but Tate was not the least bit interested until he had finished his breakfast of champions...cheerios, banana and plain yogurt. Then he was all over the Easter Basket offerings!! Such absolute joy in his face, his voice and his actions!! This is what having a child is all about...the pure and complete joy of life!! Christian's family also sent along some wrapped gifts for Tate as well...they are so amazing!!
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| Happy Easter Tate!! |
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| His presents from Christian's family! |
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| Oh so very excited! |
Tate, Christian and I went to the kid-centerd Awesome Worship Service at our church, St. John the Divine. It's a completely child centered service. I have to admit, I do miss my traditional service, Rite II in the church. I could put Tate in the church nursery, but we already spend so much time apart during the week that I have yet to do so. He does fairly well in the service, but it always hankering for a snack or something to drink. The sermon can be a little long for him as they are geared towards children probably over the age of 3, but we go every once and a while. He'll get there. I so want him to have a solid Christian upbringing and to enjoy going as much as I did.
So the 3 of us went together. I made an exception for Easter and allowed Tate to have his pacifier and both loveys during the entire service. Sigh. He did great alternating between Christian and I holding him. After the service the church has an Easter Egg Hunt out on the lawn. Again, Tate was unsure, but I think he had fun. He actually was very into picking up the eggs and giving them other children. He didn't collect very many for himself. I suppose I should be proud of his generous heart.
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| The eggs await!! |
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| Not quite understanding why we had to wait to go after the eggs!! |
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| Helping this little girl gather her eggs! |
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| Hanging with Aunt Lindsey and Christian! |
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| If only Tate had cooperated...we tried 4-5 times to take this picture! He just wanted to get down and play! Christian and I spent Easter evening together after Tate was asleep. We're a work in progress as we come to terms to this amazing life we have with us in Tate. This journey is one that we didn't expect to feel as it does, be as it is, but it's a blessing. I don't know what the future holds for any of us, but if it's anything like the past 21 months it will be absolutely amazing. |
Monday, May 2, 2011
Again....
Yet again, Tate has had an idiopathic allergic reaction. Unbelievable. As always, he's not the least bit fazed. He doesn't scratch or rub the hives all over his little body.
Sunday morning I heard him crying a bit in his crib around 3:30am. I checked the clock and just said to myself 'no way in hell am I going to go see what's wrong...let him work it out himself,' and I went back to sleep. I have no idea if he went back to sleep or continued whimpering or what. At 4:30am I heard him again. This time I got up and brought him into bed with me with strict orders to lay down and go to sleep. At 4:48am I was being kicked and messed with. I was not happy. I sat up, laid him down and hissed 'go to sleep.' At 7am (wow blessed 7am) he was kicking me, so up we got. I took off his sleep sack and pjs to change his diaper and he had many small patches of hives. I was horrified...this was probably why he didn't sleep well!!! I felt like the world's worst mother. I immediately gave him some Benadryl and within minutes the spots started dissipating. However, I knew they would most likely recur that afternoon. Sure enough by 3pm he was covered again. More benadryl down the hatch. I wracked my brain trying to figure out what had changed in the past 24 hours...only thing we had done was go to the zoo. He rode the train, rode the carousel and petted the goats. In addition he simply breathed the air of the animals.
I did expect however that his morning he would have little or hopefully no issues!! Sadly, he had hives in almost all the same places. I spoke to the triage nurse and she suggested bringing him in. My wonderful, amazing, generous, kind, fabulous mommy took him in for me, since I couldn't leave work (another post). We saw a substitute pediatrician since mine was off today. He said that this could continue for a few days and we as usual cannot pinpoint what has caused it. Ugh. And oddly enough as I sit here typing this I'm itching all over and breaking out in small hives too. What. Is. The. Deal?
So Benadryl every 6 hours until the hives are gone. Follow-up with our allergist as suggested this summer. Thankful Tate is such a happy go-lucky little guy who is rarely phased by medical calamities. And a mommy who wishes nothing bad would ever happen to her little boy.
Sunday morning I heard him crying a bit in his crib around 3:30am. I checked the clock and just said to myself 'no way in hell am I going to go see what's wrong...let him work it out himself,' and I went back to sleep. I have no idea if he went back to sleep or continued whimpering or what. At 4:30am I heard him again. This time I got up and brought him into bed with me with strict orders to lay down and go to sleep. At 4:48am I was being kicked and messed with. I was not happy. I sat up, laid him down and hissed 'go to sleep.' At 7am (wow blessed 7am) he was kicking me, so up we got. I took off his sleep sack and pjs to change his diaper and he had many small patches of hives. I was horrified...this was probably why he didn't sleep well!!! I felt like the world's worst mother. I immediately gave him some Benadryl and within minutes the spots started dissipating. However, I knew they would most likely recur that afternoon. Sure enough by 3pm he was covered again. More benadryl down the hatch. I wracked my brain trying to figure out what had changed in the past 24 hours...only thing we had done was go to the zoo. He rode the train, rode the carousel and petted the goats. In addition he simply breathed the air of the animals.
I did expect however that his morning he would have little or hopefully no issues!! Sadly, he had hives in almost all the same places. I spoke to the triage nurse and she suggested bringing him in. My wonderful, amazing, generous, kind, fabulous mommy took him in for me, since I couldn't leave work (another post). We saw a substitute pediatrician since mine was off today. He said that this could continue for a few days and we as usual cannot pinpoint what has caused it. Ugh. And oddly enough as I sit here typing this I'm itching all over and breaking out in small hives too. What. Is. The. Deal?
So Benadryl every 6 hours until the hives are gone. Follow-up with our allergist as suggested this summer. Thankful Tate is such a happy go-lucky little guy who is rarely phased by medical calamities. And a mommy who wishes nothing bad would ever happen to her little boy.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Festive Happenings late April 2011
Wow! It's been over two weeks since Christian arrived in the states!! He actually just left this evening from Chicago to return to Berlin. He spoke to Tate on the phone from the airport, and Tate blew him kisses and said bye in that sweet baby voice. We miss him.
So, yesterday afternoon Tate and I along with our friend Connie and her son Samuel went to Hermann Park to ride the train. Tate LOVED the train. As soon as he saw it he started beaming. He made a beeline for the front of the line to get on!! It was a lovely ride through the entire park...that place is huge and gorgeous. We will definitely have to go back and enjoy a picnic and playing in the water. We ventured to the zoo for just a bit, rode the carousel, went to the petting zoo (Tate loved the goats and actually called them goats with no prompting from me!) and admired the giraffes. Yesterday morning we went to our Gymboree Play and Learn Class. Tate loves loves loves the bubbles, the dancing around at the end and bouncing on the big log. He's in the class for 16-22 month olds, but he's by far the oldest in the class, so as soon as this month is up I'm moving him up. He's just so much more animated than the other children and runs around so much more trying everything out. He's going to smoosh a baby pretty soon!
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| Ready for the train to get going! |
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| These goats are cool! |
On Christian's last Friday with us we just hung out in the morning. We decided to go to the Kemah Boardwalk in the afternoon. It took forever to get there, but was so worth it. We plan that the next time we go, we'll stay overnight at the Boardwalk Inn. This place is a little kid's dream. Tate was a little young for most of the rides and activities, but in a year he'll be all over it! We rode the ferris wheel, which freaked both Christian and I out as we are both afraid of heights...go figure. We couldn't hold on to Tate tight enough and all he wanted was to get down out of our arms! Ugh! We rode the train here as well, and Tate was in heaven. He really loved going through all the tunnels with all the screaming and darkness!!
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| Convinced us he could sit on his own! |
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| So in love. |
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| :) |
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| This is SO much fun! |
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| Hanging with Momma on the train in Kemah! |
Saturday morning (Tate's 21 month old birthday) we got together with our tribe for our annual Easter Egg Hunt! We actually use the cascarones (the eggs with confetti). Everyone brought a brunch munchie, we ate and then the eggs were 'hidden' in plain sight and the kids had a ball. Well the adults had just as much fun!!! Tate was a little unsure, but got into the swing of it soon enough. Later that afternoon after his nap, Christian put together his bike that my parents got him for Christmas. We had a great time playing outside in the Texas heat.
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| He needs more!! |
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| Our tribe! |
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| This is my new favorite picture. |
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| Tate not happy it's taking so long to put the bike together. |
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| I can help Tate says! |
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| All finished!! Tate LOVES this bike! |
Friday, April 29, 2011
I Am His Mother
As I lay in bed tonight with Tate going to sleep in my arms, sweet eyes closed, lashes feathered out on his cheeks, little lips suckling his pacifier, his legs pulled up under him as if he were a newborn, breathing that sweet baby breath, I was in awe. This is my baby. This is the life I created. He is of me, from me, for me. I am his mother. There are moments when I need reminding that I have done something spectacular. There are days when I'm so overwhelmed I need some silence to catch my breath. There are times when I'm so scared I need God's peace to reassure me that He is with me. After all, He's given me this amazing gift. He's not going to leave me alone anytime soon. This is my baby. This is the life I created. He is of me, from me, but most of all for me.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Baby Beach Bum!
Last Wednesday morning all three of us were in the car at 7:30am headed to Galveston for an overnight trip! I had asked Christian before he came what he most wanted to do while he was here, and he said he wanted to go to the beach. We had gone before just the two of us and had a wonderful day hanging out, and as he's visiting from a place with temps still in the 40s the beach was someplace he desperately wanted to be. Now this trip brought about alot of angst, tears, soul searching, yet love between Christian and I, but this post is about Tate for now and how very much of a great time he had!!
We stayed at a friend's beach house, and it's a gorgeous place complete with elevator!! We got all of our stuff into the house and it's unbelievable how much STUFF one has with a toddler! I lost count of how many trips we made up the stairs! And this was for one night. One night. Sadly, Christian was still feeling not so well :( We hung out for a bit, then he went for a walk along the beach and I took Tate down to the water. My intention was to walk along the beach as it was covered, absolutely covered, in seaweed. (about 3 feet deep up and down the entire coastline). No such luck with Tate in hand. As soon as he saw the waves cresting in the distance, he made a beeline for the water. Stepped right on through the seaweed, straight for the ocean. His giggles, laughs and cries of joy made my heart melt! He just stood in the sand loving the feel of the water as it circled his feet and tickled his legs. When the strength of the water pitched him into the sand he was thrilled. Christian joined us, and we just enjoyed watching Tate have a wonderful time. For once, neither of us took a picture; we just simply stayed in the moments with Tate and enjoyed him. Lunch and naptime followed for the boys. We then headed to downtown Galveston. We put Tate on Christian's back in my Beco Butterfly carrier and walked up and down the strand. Tate even fed a horse on the side of the road. As always, Tate was sure to point out all the cars and trucks going down the road.
We then ventured to the Rainforest Cafe for an early dinner. This was to be Tate's first time eating restaurant food. I've taken him out to eat several times, but I've always bought food from home for him due to his food allergies. This was huge for me. He found the restaurant with all its accouterments to be quite festive. Christian walked him around the restaurant to see all the animals and foliage. Tate did awesome...he ate his first french fries, not with gutso, but he ate a few. But he devoured his backed chicken breast!! As we sat there eating, he would throw his little arms around my neck and give me the most amazing hugs. I was in heaven. Such a sweet sweet boy.
That night, Christian and I talked for hours as that sweet boy slept upstairs.
Thursday morning, Tate and I were up at the crack of dawn per his usual. After some breakfast, Christian headed out for another walk while Tate and I played outside in the yard. All of a sudden Tate made a beeline for the water which was across the street and over the dunes! How did he remember it was there?? :) Bathing suits put back on and off to the water we went again!!
We made it home that afternoon and played outside for a while. Tate and I spent some time just the two of us. It was so very nice to get away. Though it's never really a vacation when you take a child with you especially a very young child, it was so nice to not be thinking of the 100 million things I could be doing in the evening instead of just sitting and being. And I thank Christian for the having the foresight to know how desperately I needed that.
We stayed at a friend's beach house, and it's a gorgeous place complete with elevator!! We got all of our stuff into the house and it's unbelievable how much STUFF one has with a toddler! I lost count of how many trips we made up the stairs! And this was for one night. One night. Sadly, Christian was still feeling not so well :( We hung out for a bit, then he went for a walk along the beach and I took Tate down to the water. My intention was to walk along the beach as it was covered, absolutely covered, in seaweed. (about 3 feet deep up and down the entire coastline). No such luck with Tate in hand. As soon as he saw the waves cresting in the distance, he made a beeline for the water. Stepped right on through the seaweed, straight for the ocean. His giggles, laughs and cries of joy made my heart melt! He just stood in the sand loving the feel of the water as it circled his feet and tickled his legs. When the strength of the water pitched him into the sand he was thrilled. Christian joined us, and we just enjoyed watching Tate have a wonderful time. For once, neither of us took a picture; we just simply stayed in the moments with Tate and enjoyed him. Lunch and naptime followed for the boys. We then headed to downtown Galveston. We put Tate on Christian's back in my Beco Butterfly carrier and walked up and down the strand. Tate even fed a horse on the side of the road. As always, Tate was sure to point out all the cars and trucks going down the road.
We then ventured to the Rainforest Cafe for an early dinner. This was to be Tate's first time eating restaurant food. I've taken him out to eat several times, but I've always bought food from home for him due to his food allergies. This was huge for me. He found the restaurant with all its accouterments to be quite festive. Christian walked him around the restaurant to see all the animals and foliage. Tate did awesome...he ate his first french fries, not with gutso, but he ate a few. But he devoured his backed chicken breast!! As we sat there eating, he would throw his little arms around my neck and give me the most amazing hugs. I was in heaven. Such a sweet sweet boy.
That night, Christian and I talked for hours as that sweet boy slept upstairs.
Thursday morning, Tate and I were up at the crack of dawn per his usual. After some breakfast, Christian headed out for another walk while Tate and I played outside in the yard. All of a sudden Tate made a beeline for the water which was across the street and over the dunes! How did he remember it was there?? :) Bathing suits put back on and off to the water we went again!!
We made it home that afternoon and played outside for a while. Tate and I spent some time just the two of us. It was so very nice to get away. Though it's never really a vacation when you take a child with you especially a very young child, it was so nice to not be thinking of the 100 million things I could be doing in the evening instead of just sitting and being. And I thank Christian for the having the foresight to know how desperately I needed that.
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