Who's on my list?

When you put your child in any sort of daycare or childcare situation you are asked to provide the names and other pertinent information of those you will allow to pick up your child in your stead.  My list is probably longer than others as I need to have several choices being a single momma and all.  My list consists of Tate's grandparents, my youngest sister, his godmother (one of my best friends) and my office manager. 


Last Monday, I added to the list.  I put Christian on the list.  This was a huge step for me.  I was allowing him to pick up this child of mine who he has given up all rights to. This child who is my entire world.  No matter how much I love and trust Christian, there is that little part of my heart that worried.  After all Christian is from another country, one I couldn't get to easily.  And I know I needn't worry.  I know this.  I know this.  Why is trust so hard? 


Both Monday and Tuesday Christian picked Tate up from his little school.  I know he loved when Tate ran to him the minute he saw Christian and put those little arms around his neck.  When I came into the waiting room at my office to get them, he was beaming with pride as he watched Tate play with the toys and when he showed me how much Tate loves riding in the elevator.  And I had wanted him to have some time alone with Tate;  I really did.  I chose Christian to do this for me because I knew he is a good man.  And he would be an amazing co-parent or whatever we decided his role would be.  I know this today.  He is a good man. 


But to be on this list.  That was huge for me.  And I'm so glad he's on it.  And, I'm going to leave him on the list. 

First Weekend with Christian

What an amazing week we had with Christian!!  However, it was an emotionally charged one fraught with tears, conversation, frustration, hopes, desires, anger, joy and love.  One I need to process a bit more in my heart and mind before I blog about it.  One thing we know for sure...Tate is the most important person amidst all of this.  Therefore, we wanted to be sure he had a wonderful time during Christian's visit.  And a great time was had by all 3 of us.


Thursday, the 14th I picked Christian up at the airport alone.  Tate was napping at daycare at his arrival time;  this allowed Christian and I to have some time alone to see each other again for the first time since the end of November last year.  We went to The Counter, so Christian could have a fantabulous American hamburger as soon as humanly possible.  It was my first visit there as well, and O.M.G. the burgers were out of this world yummy!  And the sweet potato fries...DELISH!! 


We picked Tate up from school, and I could tell Christian was nervous and beyond excited.  He was playing in the hallway as they had just come back in from being outside.  He looked up at me and went back to climbing on the indoor slide!!  We finally got him to leave with us and we took him to a local park/playground on the way home.  As we watched him play and climb I asked Christian if he felt any sort of connection to Tate at this point (remembering that the last time he was here, Tate was so much more of a baby than the incredibly active, independent toddler he is today;  also he is looking more and more like me these days as his coloring is changing to be much more tan).  Christian looked down and said 'no, not really.'  I was a little saddened as I could tell he was.  But he played with Tate, helped him down the slide multiple times, cheered him on and clapped with him!  They had a great great time.  As we were walking back to the car I was holding Tate who indicated almost immediately he wanted to get down.  I set him down to continue walking.  He walked straight over to Christian, put his arms up and said 'Up!'  Pure joy for Christian. 


Tate had an appointment with the pediatrician on Friday morning.  Initially the appointment was for a concern I have from his circumcision, but obviously we followed up from our ER visit 3 days prior with our new diagnosis of another staph infection.  The ped gave me some hints to help prevent them from recurring, but apparently once he starts getting them he's more prone to them.  I have to keep any and all wounds covered with antibiotics and try bathing him in an antibacterial wash.  This proves to be difficult as Tate has incredibly sensitive skin and eczema.  Anti-bacterial soaps are extremely drying.  Nothing is ever easy is it?  After both guys took naps we played outside in Tate's water table and ran around with his trucks!


Saturday morning, we took Tate to Gymboree for his first play and learn class.  It's always so awkward when Christian and I take Tate to things like this.  People obviously assume we are together, married and/or parenting together.  I'm always uncomfortable wanting to make our 'boundaries' obvious, but not wanting Christian to feel left out, yet I'm hyper aware that I'm a single mother and it's hard to share Tate with someone else in any setting let alone one out in public when after this week it will just be the two of us.  This is so very hard.  Christian can't figure out 'his place' and I don't know what his place is.  But the important thing is Tate had a blast running around, doing the activities and his favorite favorite thing...playing with the bubbles.  He had just a great time.  I signed us up for the class for the next month.  We ventured to the park after class then naps for both boys again (Jet lag had a stronghold on Christian and he was actually quite ill).  We went to visit my best friend and her family after naptime.  Tate had a great time with her 7 and 5 year old.  They love when Baby Tate comes to visit and relished in sharing their toys with him.  I of course ended up in the playroom with the 3 kiddos since I can't leave Tate alone with the toys.  This is why mothers crave adult conversation...even when adults are available you don't get to participate.

Sunday, we lounged about the house.  Poor Christian was still feeling badly.  We went grocery shopping first thing in the morning, then he napped a bit, while I hung out with Tate.  More naps by the boys then we headed out to the zoo.  We had a great time!!  The weather was perfect!!  We went to the new African Forest Exhibit, Tate and I rode the carousel and he loved the lions and giraffes!! 

So, our weekend was really, really a fun time for Tate.  So much of me was so glad he was able to spend some quality time with Christian.  Christian helped me bathe him each night and get him into bed.   I still have a hard time letting go of my fears regarding Tate, Christian and everyone's place in each other's lives, but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Christian loves this little boy.  And Tate loves him in his own toddler way.   Always foremost in my mind...what is best for Tate.

Our week to be continued... 

Saying hi to Christian!!

Loving the carousel!

Christian in love with Baby Tate

Hanging onto my sweet sweet boy!

Mommy Radar

Yes, there is definitely such a thing as mommy radar.  I now firmly and completely believe this.


Last night, once I had Tate home from daycare and he was playing I noticed a red swelling/bump on his left temple.  My initial thought was he must have fallen at daycare, but it was so big I was very surprised I had not been told and given an incident report when I picked him up.  I was a little concerned I was not told mostly as I wondered had noone noticed him crying as it was big enough that it had to have hurt if he had indeed hit his head.  With that same thinking I thought he must not have hit his head for those same reasons...I would have been told as it would have really hurt.


So, I was concerned.  I wondered what was wrong with my little boy.  What on earth was causing this swelling?  It didn't seem to bother him in the least, but it was so obvious, so red.


As I rocked him after we read books at bedtime he was doing a 'weird' thing with his eyes.  He would squint really quickly as if in a grimace every couple of minutes, otherwise he was just fine.  But that unnerved me as he had never done that before.  As I put him in the crib I decided I would check on him personally (as opposed to just checking the video monitor) alot more often last night.  I even thought to myself if I see blood coming out of his mouth, or he vomits we know we have a problem.  He was asleep at 7:10pm.


I was uneasy.


At 9:21pm he woke up screaming.  I immediately ran upstairs to replace his pacifier and make sure his loveys were within reach.  He would have nothing to do with them.  He was inconsolable.  Screaming, arching his back, trying to throw a good tantrum in my arms.  I tried the pacifier multiple times to no avail.  I tried holding him tightly, I tried talking extremely loudly to snap him out of it (maybe it was a night terror I thought, and I felt bad for intervening as I've heard they need to work those out themselves to an extent since they have no idea where they are initially).  Nothing was working.  Finally, I gave him a dose of ibuprofen as I thought maybe he really did bump his head and now it hurts.  Oddly enough I had considered giving him the ibuprofen at bedtime, but since he wasn't complaining I didn't want to medicate unnecessarily.  Once I got the dropper in, I gave him his pacifier and hippo and he calmed a great deal;  it had been a good 20 minutes.   I climbed into my bed with him and he finally drifted back off to sleep at 10:14pm.  


I was uneasy.


He woke again at 2:21am.  No screaming and thrashing about this time.  He was restless, very restless.  He tossed and turned for what seemed like hours.  It was about 2:50am before he calmed down and went back to sleep.


I was uneasy.


5:24am.  I'm awakened by my baby screaming, thrashing, kicking me.  Hysterical.  Mad. Angry. All over the place.  I offered his lovey and pacifier multiple times to have them thrown back at me.  I thought his overnight wetness was bothering him.  I got his diaper off with much drama.  Putting another one on was a disaster.  Kicking, screaming, thrashing about, turning over.  Hysterics.  I tried holding him.  I tried getting in his face firmly and loudly telling he was going to be ok.  I was at the end of my rope.  I yelled. Yes, I yelled 'Stop it.'  Not my finest moment, but I had no idea what else to do.  I even considered calling my wonderful neighbor, KE and asking her to come over and hold him down while I got him changed.  That's how desperate I was.  It was 5:50 in the morning, and I had my phone in hand to call her to come help me.  I decided something was horribly wrong.  His temple was still swollen, and this WAS NOT my child's normal morning behavior.  Was this a tumor?  Did he fall so hard yesterday that he has permanent brain damage?  Was he blind now from this fall and now freaked out?  (I waved stuff in front of his face to gauge his reaction, and he followed the items).  I got dressed, packed a bag full of baby necessities, fed the cat (very proud of myself for thinking of poor Vinnie!!  I had no idea how long we would be at the ER).  Grabbed several pacifiers, both loveys and my precious Tate.  Once in the car he calmed down as we were driving.  It was 6:10am.  The crying jag, fit, hysterics had gone on for 46 minutes with no reprieve.


I was beyond uneasy.


I opted to take him to the emergency clinic down the road as opposed to the world-renowned Texas Children's Hospital, as I knew we would wait for quite some time at TCH.  As always I'm worried to pieces about missing work, and how much of a bind that puts everyone in.  That is one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching parts of being an SMC, and being an SMC who is a pediatric dentist.  I truly have people 100% depending on me.  If I'm not there my job can't get done usually, or having RC (my boss, another pedi dentist)  fill in for me throws the schedule off in ways I cannot articulate.  So, I'm worried sick about my son, and worried sick I'm going to lose my job.  If I lose my job, I can't take care of my precious boy.  


To make matters more complicated, my pediatrician doesn't open until 9:00am.  Tate was hysterical, and something was dreadfully wrong.  I couldn't wait until 9:00am to call for an appointment, not knowing what time they could see us.  This needed addressing right now.  So we were off the ER clinic.


I was almost hysterical myself.  As I buckled him into his carseat and his behavior had calmed a bit though he was still crying, I almost started crying myself.  This little boy with his big beautiful hazel eyes full of unshed tears looked at me with such trust and confusion my heart broke.  As always, it was him and me...always him and me.  Alone, facing the world.


I was so scared.


At the ER they took us right back.  It was obvious we woke the poor overnight ER doc up (there were sheet marks on his face!  LOL).  But he was very nice.  Tate was so much happier once we walked in those doors.  Did he know he was going to be taken care of and that his pain would be gone soon?  The physician palpated his forehead extremely well and did a visual exam.  Diagnosis?  


Staph infection.


I was so frustrated and relieved.


Frustrated because this is our second one.  Why does he continue to get them?  Relieved to know I wasn't a crazy first time mom.  For a while there last night before his hysterics this morning I had decided to take him to daycare this morning even with the bump on his head.  Had he not been so out of control this morning I would have and this would have gone untreated for at least 7-10 more hours.  The doctors was kind enough to tell me it was a very good thing I brought him as soon as I did as it needed treatnent asap.  


I was so sad for my baby.


So staph infection again.  Really, they think it's MRSA.  It's being treated like MRSA.  We're on oral Bactrim which is the first line of defense against MRSA.  It's highly contagious, so I had to call my mother and ask her to watch little Tate yet again.  She is amazing.  I don't know what I would do without her.  And Tate absolutely adores her.  They have a great time together.  


2 doses in him so far.  The swelling has dissipated a little bit.  If his eye gets swollen we have to return to the clinic most likely for admission to the hospital for IV antibiotics.  But God is good;  Tate is going to heal sooner than later.


I am calm.  I'm still scared, and unsure of why this is happening.  We'll be having a conversation with our pediatrician on Friday.  So glad I already had this appointment scheduled weeks ago.


Tonight, I am tired, restless, awake and relieved.  Tate's asleep up in our room.  My mommy is downstairs waiting for dawn to stay with my precious baby.  


I knew something was wrong.  I knew it last night.  I knew it when I picked him up from daycare.  I knew it when I put him to sleep at 7:10.  I knew it at 9:21pm.  I knew it when I was kicked at 2:30 in the morning.  And I knew it at 5:24am.


Trust.  I need to learn to trust myself, my instincts and my feelings.  I am more connected to Tate than any other person on this planet.  After having in my body for 9 months I know him.  And we've been together 20 1/2 months.  I know him.  


I love him.


Mommy Radar.  


I am beyond happy to be a mommy so I have radar to turn on.

See the swelling on his left temple.  That's the staph infection.  The 'pimple' or 'scratch' that started it all isn't visible in the picture.

Guess Who's Coming to Visit?

So, my known donor is coming for a visit from Berlin, Germany on Thursday.  At this point, Christian is so much more than my known donor.  We talk about our 'relationship' and how it has evolved over the past  31 months.  Someday, I'll go into the amazing way we met (in Cairns, Australia) and how he offered to donate for me and my decision to take him up on it.


Suffice it to say, he donated, signed away his parental rights completely and is still very present in my life and Tate's by extension.  Initially, I was completely about Tate having minimal contact with him, but knowing how he was conceived.  I worried constantly about having Christian in my life and how that could jeopardize my custody rights.  Every visit I was on pins and needles not wanting to share Tate, but doing so because this is so not about me and my feelings, but what is best for my son.  I have come to realize through much prayer and reflection that the more people who love my baby the better off he is.  My fears are valid, but I have to be strong enough to do what's right for my son.


And once I let go of most of that fear (not all of it;  I would be remiss is I didn't protect myself, my rights and my child), my relationship with Christian blossomed.  It does help quite a bit that he lives in another country whose beliefs, values and simply way of life is so different from mine as an American.  He completely respects my boundaries and my role as Tate's parent.  He doesn't give advice, he doesn't offer alternate ways for me to do things in regard to Tate,  he doesn't interfere in any way, shape or form with my raising of Tate.  


This will be his 5th visit to see Tate.  He was here for his birth, his baptism, brought his parents last spring to meet Tate, Thanksgiving 2010 and now this visit.  It's always uncomfortable at first.  Partly uncomfortable when you haven't seen someone for months, and partly because he is so unsure of his place in Tate's life.  As am I.


Therein lies our problem.  And it's not a problem so much as much as it something that we definitely need to sort out now, and we intend to take these 10 days together to do so.  When we started on this journey together, we envisioned my raising Tate with Christian seeing him every once in a great while.  I would send pictures and updates.  But Christian has become one of the most important people in my life.  I can't imagine my life without him.  And I know he feels the same way about me.  Part of this connection is the emotional and spiritual support we give one another, and as long as we are both single I believe this will remain strong and/or get stronger.   If either of us meets a man we both realize things could change markedly.  And I don't know how I feel about that in either one of our cases.  But Tate is almost 2 (gosh it hurts my heart to say my baby is almost 2).  He's going to start figuring out family dynamics and family make-ups.  He's going to wonder where his daddy is.  Do we call Christian Daddy?  Is he Uncle Christian?  How will this work?  Prior to this evolvement of our friendship he would have simply been Christian.  Heck, in my will Tate doesn't go to Christian if something were to happen to me, and every single person close to me in my life has been made well aware of that fact.  Very. Complicated.


But you know what?  This complication makes me almost smile.  I have so much love in my life, and I should feel blessed that things have moved into this direction offering me a man who is so dear to me and who loves my child.  With love and compassion like this, Tate and I can only benefit.  It's going to be hard and complicated and weird and strange, but it'll be allright.  God brought this beautiful baby into my life in the most unconventional ways of conception.  He has a plan.  I need to sit back and let Him show me the way.  As long as I keep my love for Tate and God in the forefront, I can't go wrong.   We'll find our footing.  Tate will be happy.   That's all that really matters.

Our Tribe

Nine years ago this January, I walked a half-marathon in Bermuda.  In August of 2001 I signed up with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to raise money for their cause by participating in a marathon.  I would like to say my reasons for joining were completely altruistic, but alas that is not the case.  I had decided I needed to spread my wings and go beyond my comfort zone in an attempt to meet some men.  I thought being part of a training group would afford me that opportunity;  having to raise money for a wonderful cause, having the opportunity to train with professionals and lose some weight hopefully were to be all fabulous benefits.


Well, I didn't meet the man of my dreams, but I made the friends of a lifetime.  Our group from Houston consisted of about 25 participants, half men/half women...all mostly runners.  That's where I met Kristen!  Once we returned to Houston, we all went our separate ways.  I don't remember how or why, but she invited me over to her place to hang out one afternoon and that's when I met the female portion of the tribe.  And the rest is history.  We come all different places, all different religions, all different political backgrounds, but we come together.  We've gotten married, had children, struggled to have children and realized we can't, lost parents and loved ones.  We've laughed and cried.  We've moved away from each other and just down the street from each other.  We've come out and we've become single mothers.  We are an urban tribe.  Don't mess with one of us...you'll get all of us after you.  Don't hurt one of us...we swoop like the plague.  We let others in and enjoy their company, but at the end of the day, it's still us.  Take today for example.  Bryan threw a crawfish boil as Ely was in town from Colorado where she moved 4 years ago when she married the Brit!  After 3 hours of immeasurable fun with the kids running amok (5 years ago there were no children and we ran amok in the pool ... sometimes clothing optional!), the others had left and it was just the tribe.  Love.


Tonight, as Tate sleeps the sleep of the exhausted child, I'm so happy.  Tired, but happy.  We are loved.  We love.  We are not a mom and baby family.  We are a tribal family.  Where the wind blows us next we won't know, but we'll always come back to our roots.  Friendship...there is nothing like it.

What a gorgeous day!

This is my new favorite picture of Tate.  He had an ABSOLUTE BALL!!  He thought just hanging out splashing with the big kids was the best thing ever!!  He loves, loves, loves the pool!!!

Yum-O!

And the kids enjoy hot dog buns.

Such joy!

:)

Tate was just dying to get in the pool!

I looked up and saw this...some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

Is Something Missing?

So I've never been one of those single mommies by choice who thinks that men are simply optional.  Am I saying that correctly?  I am definitely single by default, certainly not by choice.  I always, always wanted wanted to be a mother and a wife.  Always.  I got my dearest wish...to be a mother.  However, I miss not being someone's wife.  Companionship.  Intimacy.  Love.  Frustration.  Annoyance. Debating.  Caring.  Handy Man.


Handy Man.  I have some wonderful male friends, thank goodness.  Tate's godfather is one of my dearest, dearest friends.  I cannot imagine my life without him.  He makes me laugh, cry, take stock of myself and just enjoy my life more.  He lives in another state, and Tate has never met him.  We have been friends for 26 years having met in college.  I've seen him through more relationships than I can count and he has been there for me through my heartbreaks as well.  And through it all, we've always been just friends.  The best of friends.  I trust him more than anyone else I know actually.  So much so that if my sister, Lindsey and my parents are unable to care for Tate he will go live with his godfather, his wife and their 2 kids.  He's a role model I want Tate to have;  I desperately wish he lived closer.


But here in Houston, we have some amazing male friends as well.  Two of my favorites came over and saved the day yet again for me today.  My bedroom (that I share with Tate) ceiling fan/light was hanging by a thread and has been for over a month.  (having been jerry-rigged back together in November by Christian as he was racing to catch his flight back to Germany).    I saw Mike on Friday night and showed him the fixture asking if he thought it needed to be fixed ASAP.  He said probably sooner would be better, but he thought I was ok.  Lo and behold he texted me today to say he and Bryan were coming over to fix me up today.  These are the same two awesome guys who put together Tate's crib when I was 9 months pregnant and put up all 3 of my baby gates.  They were here an hour and a half.  When they weren't able to fix it to their liking they apologized all over the place saying they would come back asap...I just have to get a new fan.  They're just great.  Even now as I type this I'm brought to tears by how well they care for Tate and me.  I'm beyond blessed that he has them in his life, not only to show him how to do boy things, but to demonstrate men and friendship.  They as well as all the other guys in 'our tribe' are just good men.  They love their wives, their children, their families, their friends.   We all look out for each other.  That's why we call ourselves a tribe.  And I'm so lucky to be part of that.


So, having had them here today made me wish I had a partner.  I hate having to ask favors like this all the time though I know they really didn't mind.  But it's times like this that make me wonder 'what if?'
Granted I love not having to share Tate with anyone...LOVE IT!  But I would like to share my life with someone.  I have to remember...my life is spread out before me with many many years left.  But of course I'm impatient...now would be best in my opinion.


Tate had a great time with Bryan and Mike.  He pulled his little tool station out to help.  He had Mike reading him books, climbed the ladder with Bryan and encouraged Mike to take some breaks during the work time.  He's changing every single day.  He recognizes the color yellow now.  He loves skyping with Grandmommy and Granddaddy;  we also regularly skype with our friends Silke and Annabelle in NYC still.  He can say Annabelle amazingly well.  He says banana, tree, airplane, yellow, outside (he even stood by our balcony door last weekend and said outside, outside, so out we went and did bubbles).  He says bubbles, more (all the time).  He now eats cheerios in a bowl with milk after gobbling mine up yesterday and this morning.  He moved up to the next class in school and has done great.  He sits at the little table and chairs and eats his lunch and snacks.  I was worried he would try to eat other kids' food, but so far so good and his teachers watch him like a hawk.  He had his first sno-cone this past Friday while at daycare.  It was blue-coconut.  YUM!  I had a hair appointment, and I have finally given myself permission to take him to school for lunch and naptime, so I can get some things done that would totally bore him...doctors' and hair appointments, boring shopping.  He gets to spend 20 or 30 minutes eating with friends and he naps the rest of the time.  Every once in a while I do it;  I feel guilty most of the time, but know it's the best thing for both of us.


So, as I sit here tonight watching my beautiful boy on the monitor, typing this I wish I had someone to come kiss me on the head and say 'let's go on up to sleep, hon.'  I'm certainly not lonely, but I feel my aloneness the most these times right before sleep.   Then morning comes, and Tate is in his crib.  His face lights up when he sees my face.  He reaches down to grab his hippo and his teddy bear and reaches out for me.  We cuddle for just a minute and it's just perfect.  Me and my baby.  Life is good.

Bathtime fun!!

Helping Uncle Bryan find the right tools today!

Taking a break with Uncle Mike

Tate has his tool station ready!

20 months old!!

Life is simply amazing!!!

Time Just Passes By

Obviously, it's been a while.  It just seems like the days fly by!  My little boy will be 20 months old next Wednesday.  I cannot believe it.  Someone the other day made the comment 'she has a little boy who's almost 2.'  I definitely think him turning 2 will be much harder for me.  Turning one was so exciting and fun, but turning 2 makes me so sad.  He's really growing up.  He has been with me for almost 2 years.  I almost cannot remember what my life was like before him.  I do remember, and sometimes I miss it...the spontaneity, the travel, the meeting for drinks after work...it's hard sometimes.  Harder still that most of my friends can still do most of those things with ease as they have a partner.  Case in point:  2 Wednesdays ago, Kristen (mom to a 5 month old) sent out an email wanting a girls' night that Friday.  Everyone else just checks with the hubs and can plan accordingly.  I have to track down a babysitter. In 2 days.  Granted I was able to, and had a great time with the girls, but it's definitely not always that easy.  Yet, I don't want to spend any awake time away from him.  Where's the logic?


So, this past Monday Tate moved up to the next class at his little school.  As always I was super nervous, but I had been wondering when he would move up as he was the oldest in his class. (though he LOVED his teacher, and she adored him). He has two new teachers, both of whom he does know.  They say he's doing great and just fit in perfectly.  He even sits at a regular kids' table for snacks and meals!!  Such a little boy now. 


And OMG does he have an opinion now.  He still isn't a talker, but he can make his opinions, wants and desires known.  I sing to him as I dress and lotion him in the evenings some lullabies.  He will whine and shake his head if I sing one he doesn't want to hear.  So, I have to guess which to sing, but we usually get to it eventually.  These days he's all about 'Jesus Loves Me.'  I think they sing it at school alot.  He knows which books he wants to hear at bedtime and in what order as well.  So amazing.  Since the night he came home I have always read 'Good Night Moon' to him.  He still loves it.


He still loves cars and airplanes and will stop in his tracks if he sees or even just hears one or the other.  When we're playing on the floor, undoubtedly he will bring several books over to be read to.  He rarely likes to play with his toys unless it's his puzzles.  Books are just his absolutely favorite.  I love that he loves me to read to him;  it just makes it difficult to have him play by himself while I make dinner or do something that needs to be done as he wants me down on the floor reading to him constantly.


As I close this, I realize that Tate is living during such a tremulous time in our world.  The earthquake and resulting tsunami in Japan has our world in shock.  The unrest and violence in Libya and Egypt has us horrified.  How blessed is my little guy to be in the United States?  Protecting him from all the ills of the world is a daunting, impossible task.  It's something I know I can't do all the time, and my heart goes out to all those mothers around the world who haven't been able to do that for their children in these sad, hard last few months.