Mommy Radar

Yes, there is definitely such a thing as mommy radar.  I now firmly and completely believe this.


Last night, once I had Tate home from daycare and he was playing I noticed a red swelling/bump on his left temple.  My initial thought was he must have fallen at daycare, but it was so big I was very surprised I had not been told and given an incident report when I picked him up.  I was a little concerned I was not told mostly as I wondered had noone noticed him crying as it was big enough that it had to have hurt if he had indeed hit his head.  With that same thinking I thought he must not have hit his head for those same reasons...I would have been told as it would have really hurt.


So, I was concerned.  I wondered what was wrong with my little boy.  What on earth was causing this swelling?  It didn't seem to bother him in the least, but it was so obvious, so red.


As I rocked him after we read books at bedtime he was doing a 'weird' thing with his eyes.  He would squint really quickly as if in a grimace every couple of minutes, otherwise he was just fine.  But that unnerved me as he had never done that before.  As I put him in the crib I decided I would check on him personally (as opposed to just checking the video monitor) alot more often last night.  I even thought to myself if I see blood coming out of his mouth, or he vomits we know we have a problem.  He was asleep at 7:10pm.


I was uneasy.


At 9:21pm he woke up screaming.  I immediately ran upstairs to replace his pacifier and make sure his loveys were within reach.  He would have nothing to do with them.  He was inconsolable.  Screaming, arching his back, trying to throw a good tantrum in my arms.  I tried the pacifier multiple times to no avail.  I tried holding him tightly, I tried talking extremely loudly to snap him out of it (maybe it was a night terror I thought, and I felt bad for intervening as I've heard they need to work those out themselves to an extent since they have no idea where they are initially).  Nothing was working.  Finally, I gave him a dose of ibuprofen as I thought maybe he really did bump his head and now it hurts.  Oddly enough I had considered giving him the ibuprofen at bedtime, but since he wasn't complaining I didn't want to medicate unnecessarily.  Once I got the dropper in, I gave him his pacifier and hippo and he calmed a great deal;  it had been a good 20 minutes.   I climbed into my bed with him and he finally drifted back off to sleep at 10:14pm.  


I was uneasy.


He woke again at 2:21am.  No screaming and thrashing about this time.  He was restless, very restless.  He tossed and turned for what seemed like hours.  It was about 2:50am before he calmed down and went back to sleep.


I was uneasy.


5:24am.  I'm awakened by my baby screaming, thrashing, kicking me.  Hysterical.  Mad. Angry. All over the place.  I offered his lovey and pacifier multiple times to have them thrown back at me.  I thought his overnight wetness was bothering him.  I got his diaper off with much drama.  Putting another one on was a disaster.  Kicking, screaming, thrashing about, turning over.  Hysterics.  I tried holding him.  I tried getting in his face firmly and loudly telling he was going to be ok.  I was at the end of my rope.  I yelled. Yes, I yelled 'Stop it.'  Not my finest moment, but I had no idea what else to do.  I even considered calling my wonderful neighbor, KE and asking her to come over and hold him down while I got him changed.  That's how desperate I was.  It was 5:50 in the morning, and I had my phone in hand to call her to come help me.  I decided something was horribly wrong.  His temple was still swollen, and this WAS NOT my child's normal morning behavior.  Was this a tumor?  Did he fall so hard yesterday that he has permanent brain damage?  Was he blind now from this fall and now freaked out?  (I waved stuff in front of his face to gauge his reaction, and he followed the items).  I got dressed, packed a bag full of baby necessities, fed the cat (very proud of myself for thinking of poor Vinnie!!  I had no idea how long we would be at the ER).  Grabbed several pacifiers, both loveys and my precious Tate.  Once in the car he calmed down as we were driving.  It was 6:10am.  The crying jag, fit, hysterics had gone on for 46 minutes with no reprieve.


I was beyond uneasy.


I opted to take him to the emergency clinic down the road as opposed to the world-renowned Texas Children's Hospital, as I knew we would wait for quite some time at TCH.  As always I'm worried to pieces about missing work, and how much of a bind that puts everyone in.  That is one of the most difficult and heart-wrenching parts of being an SMC, and being an SMC who is a pediatric dentist.  I truly have people 100% depending on me.  If I'm not there my job can't get done usually, or having RC (my boss, another pedi dentist)  fill in for me throws the schedule off in ways I cannot articulate.  So, I'm worried sick about my son, and worried sick I'm going to lose my job.  If I lose my job, I can't take care of my precious boy.  


To make matters more complicated, my pediatrician doesn't open until 9:00am.  Tate was hysterical, and something was dreadfully wrong.  I couldn't wait until 9:00am to call for an appointment, not knowing what time they could see us.  This needed addressing right now.  So we were off the ER clinic.


I was almost hysterical myself.  As I buckled him into his carseat and his behavior had calmed a bit though he was still crying, I almost started crying myself.  This little boy with his big beautiful hazel eyes full of unshed tears looked at me with such trust and confusion my heart broke.  As always, it was him and me...always him and me.  Alone, facing the world.


I was so scared.


At the ER they took us right back.  It was obvious we woke the poor overnight ER doc up (there were sheet marks on his face!  LOL).  But he was very nice.  Tate was so much happier once we walked in those doors.  Did he know he was going to be taken care of and that his pain would be gone soon?  The physician palpated his forehead extremely well and did a visual exam.  Diagnosis?  


Staph infection.


I was so frustrated and relieved.


Frustrated because this is our second one.  Why does he continue to get them?  Relieved to know I wasn't a crazy first time mom.  For a while there last night before his hysterics this morning I had decided to take him to daycare this morning even with the bump on his head.  Had he not been so out of control this morning I would have and this would have gone untreated for at least 7-10 more hours.  The doctors was kind enough to tell me it was a very good thing I brought him as soon as I did as it needed treatnent asap.  


I was so sad for my baby.


So staph infection again.  Really, they think it's MRSA.  It's being treated like MRSA.  We're on oral Bactrim which is the first line of defense against MRSA.  It's highly contagious, so I had to call my mother and ask her to watch little Tate yet again.  She is amazing.  I don't know what I would do without her.  And Tate absolutely adores her.  They have a great time together.  


2 doses in him so far.  The swelling has dissipated a little bit.  If his eye gets swollen we have to return to the clinic most likely for admission to the hospital for IV antibiotics.  But God is good;  Tate is going to heal sooner than later.


I am calm.  I'm still scared, and unsure of why this is happening.  We'll be having a conversation with our pediatrician on Friday.  So glad I already had this appointment scheduled weeks ago.


Tonight, I am tired, restless, awake and relieved.  Tate's asleep up in our room.  My mommy is downstairs waiting for dawn to stay with my precious baby.  


I knew something was wrong.  I knew it last night.  I knew it when I picked him up from daycare.  I knew it when I put him to sleep at 7:10.  I knew it at 9:21pm.  I knew it when I was kicked at 2:30 in the morning.  And I knew it at 5:24am.


Trust.  I need to learn to trust myself, my instincts and my feelings.  I am more connected to Tate than any other person on this planet.  After having in my body for 9 months I know him.  And we've been together 20 1/2 months.  I know him.  


I love him.


Mommy Radar.  


I am beyond happy to be a mommy so I have radar to turn on.

See the swelling on his left temple.  That's the staph infection.  The 'pimple' or 'scratch' that started it all isn't visible in the picture.