Our Tribe

Nine years ago this January, I walked a half-marathon in Bermuda.  In August of 2001 I signed up with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society to raise money for their cause by participating in a marathon.  I would like to say my reasons for joining were completely altruistic, but alas that is not the case.  I had decided I needed to spread my wings and go beyond my comfort zone in an attempt to meet some men.  I thought being part of a training group would afford me that opportunity;  having to raise money for a wonderful cause, having the opportunity to train with professionals and lose some weight hopefully were to be all fabulous benefits.


Well, I didn't meet the man of my dreams, but I made the friends of a lifetime.  Our group from Houston consisted of about 25 participants, half men/half women...all mostly runners.  That's where I met Kristen!  Once we returned to Houston, we all went our separate ways.  I don't remember how or why, but she invited me over to her place to hang out one afternoon and that's when I met the female portion of the tribe.  And the rest is history.  We come all different places, all different religions, all different political backgrounds, but we come together.  We've gotten married, had children, struggled to have children and realized we can't, lost parents and loved ones.  We've laughed and cried.  We've moved away from each other and just down the street from each other.  We've come out and we've become single mothers.  We are an urban tribe.  Don't mess with one of us...you'll get all of us after you.  Don't hurt one of us...we swoop like the plague.  We let others in and enjoy their company, but at the end of the day, it's still us.  Take today for example.  Bryan threw a crawfish boil as Ely was in town from Colorado where she moved 4 years ago when she married the Brit!  After 3 hours of immeasurable fun with the kids running amok (5 years ago there were no children and we ran amok in the pool ... sometimes clothing optional!), the others had left and it was just the tribe.  Love.


Tonight, as Tate sleeps the sleep of the exhausted child, I'm so happy.  Tired, but happy.  We are loved.  We love.  We are not a mom and baby family.  We are a tribal family.  Where the wind blows us next we won't know, but we'll always come back to our roots.  Friendship...there is nothing like it.

What a gorgeous day!

This is my new favorite picture of Tate.  He had an ABSOLUTE BALL!!  He thought just hanging out splashing with the big kids was the best thing ever!!  He loves, loves, loves the pool!!!

Yum-O!

And the kids enjoy hot dog buns.

Such joy!

:)

Tate was just dying to get in the pool!

I looked up and saw this...some of the best friends a girl could ask for.

Is Something Missing?

So I've never been one of those single mommies by choice who thinks that men are simply optional.  Am I saying that correctly?  I am definitely single by default, certainly not by choice.  I always, always wanted wanted to be a mother and a wife.  Always.  I got my dearest wish...to be a mother.  However, I miss not being someone's wife.  Companionship.  Intimacy.  Love.  Frustration.  Annoyance. Debating.  Caring.  Handy Man.


Handy Man.  I have some wonderful male friends, thank goodness.  Tate's godfather is one of my dearest, dearest friends.  I cannot imagine my life without him.  He makes me laugh, cry, take stock of myself and just enjoy my life more.  He lives in another state, and Tate has never met him.  We have been friends for 26 years having met in college.  I've seen him through more relationships than I can count and he has been there for me through my heartbreaks as well.  And through it all, we've always been just friends.  The best of friends.  I trust him more than anyone else I know actually.  So much so that if my sister, Lindsey and my parents are unable to care for Tate he will go live with his godfather, his wife and their 2 kids.  He's a role model I want Tate to have;  I desperately wish he lived closer.


But here in Houston, we have some amazing male friends as well.  Two of my favorites came over and saved the day yet again for me today.  My bedroom (that I share with Tate) ceiling fan/light was hanging by a thread and has been for over a month.  (having been jerry-rigged back together in November by Christian as he was racing to catch his flight back to Germany).    I saw Mike on Friday night and showed him the fixture asking if he thought it needed to be fixed ASAP.  He said probably sooner would be better, but he thought I was ok.  Lo and behold he texted me today to say he and Bryan were coming over to fix me up today.  These are the same two awesome guys who put together Tate's crib when I was 9 months pregnant and put up all 3 of my baby gates.  They were here an hour and a half.  When they weren't able to fix it to their liking they apologized all over the place saying they would come back asap...I just have to get a new fan.  They're just great.  Even now as I type this I'm brought to tears by how well they care for Tate and me.  I'm beyond blessed that he has them in his life, not only to show him how to do boy things, but to demonstrate men and friendship.  They as well as all the other guys in 'our tribe' are just good men.  They love their wives, their children, their families, their friends.   We all look out for each other.  That's why we call ourselves a tribe.  And I'm so lucky to be part of that.


So, having had them here today made me wish I had a partner.  I hate having to ask favors like this all the time though I know they really didn't mind.  But it's times like this that make me wonder 'what if?'
Granted I love not having to share Tate with anyone...LOVE IT!  But I would like to share my life with someone.  I have to remember...my life is spread out before me with many many years left.  But of course I'm impatient...now would be best in my opinion.


Tate had a great time with Bryan and Mike.  He pulled his little tool station out to help.  He had Mike reading him books, climbed the ladder with Bryan and encouraged Mike to take some breaks during the work time.  He's changing every single day.  He recognizes the color yellow now.  He loves skyping with Grandmommy and Granddaddy;  we also regularly skype with our friends Silke and Annabelle in NYC still.  He can say Annabelle amazingly well.  He says banana, tree, airplane, yellow, outside (he even stood by our balcony door last weekend and said outside, outside, so out we went and did bubbles).  He says bubbles, more (all the time).  He now eats cheerios in a bowl with milk after gobbling mine up yesterday and this morning.  He moved up to the next class in school and has done great.  He sits at the little table and chairs and eats his lunch and snacks.  I was worried he would try to eat other kids' food, but so far so good and his teachers watch him like a hawk.  He had his first sno-cone this past Friday while at daycare.  It was blue-coconut.  YUM!  I had a hair appointment, and I have finally given myself permission to take him to school for lunch and naptime, so I can get some things done that would totally bore him...doctors' and hair appointments, boring shopping.  He gets to spend 20 or 30 minutes eating with friends and he naps the rest of the time.  Every once in a while I do it;  I feel guilty most of the time, but know it's the best thing for both of us.


So, as I sit here tonight watching my beautiful boy on the monitor, typing this I wish I had someone to come kiss me on the head and say 'let's go on up to sleep, hon.'  I'm certainly not lonely, but I feel my aloneness the most these times right before sleep.   Then morning comes, and Tate is in his crib.  His face lights up when he sees my face.  He reaches down to grab his hippo and his teddy bear and reaches out for me.  We cuddle for just a minute and it's just perfect.  Me and my baby.  Life is good.

Bathtime fun!!

Helping Uncle Bryan find the right tools today!

Taking a break with Uncle Mike

Tate has his tool station ready!

20 months old!!

Life is simply amazing!!!

Time Just Passes By

Obviously, it's been a while.  It just seems like the days fly by!  My little boy will be 20 months old next Wednesday.  I cannot believe it.  Someone the other day made the comment 'she has a little boy who's almost 2.'  I definitely think him turning 2 will be much harder for me.  Turning one was so exciting and fun, but turning 2 makes me so sad.  He's really growing up.  He has been with me for almost 2 years.  I almost cannot remember what my life was like before him.  I do remember, and sometimes I miss it...the spontaneity, the travel, the meeting for drinks after work...it's hard sometimes.  Harder still that most of my friends can still do most of those things with ease as they have a partner.  Case in point:  2 Wednesdays ago, Kristen (mom to a 5 month old) sent out an email wanting a girls' night that Friday.  Everyone else just checks with the hubs and can plan accordingly.  I have to track down a babysitter. In 2 days.  Granted I was able to, and had a great time with the girls, but it's definitely not always that easy.  Yet, I don't want to spend any awake time away from him.  Where's the logic?


So, this past Monday Tate moved up to the next class at his little school.  As always I was super nervous, but I had been wondering when he would move up as he was the oldest in his class. (though he LOVED his teacher, and she adored him). He has two new teachers, both of whom he does know.  They say he's doing great and just fit in perfectly.  He even sits at a regular kids' table for snacks and meals!!  Such a little boy now. 


And OMG does he have an opinion now.  He still isn't a talker, but he can make his opinions, wants and desires known.  I sing to him as I dress and lotion him in the evenings some lullabies.  He will whine and shake his head if I sing one he doesn't want to hear.  So, I have to guess which to sing, but we usually get to it eventually.  These days he's all about 'Jesus Loves Me.'  I think they sing it at school alot.  He knows which books he wants to hear at bedtime and in what order as well.  So amazing.  Since the night he came home I have always read 'Good Night Moon' to him.  He still loves it.


He still loves cars and airplanes and will stop in his tracks if he sees or even just hears one or the other.  When we're playing on the floor, undoubtedly he will bring several books over to be read to.  He rarely likes to play with his toys unless it's his puzzles.  Books are just his absolutely favorite.  I love that he loves me to read to him;  it just makes it difficult to have him play by himself while I make dinner or do something that needs to be done as he wants me down on the floor reading to him constantly.


As I close this, I realize that Tate is living during such a tremulous time in our world.  The earthquake and resulting tsunami in Japan has our world in shock.  The unrest and violence in Libya and Egypt has us horrified.  How blessed is my little guy to be in the United States?  Protecting him from all the ills of the world is a daunting, impossible task.  It's something I know I can't do all the time, and my heart goes out to all those mothers around the world who haven't been able to do that for their children in these sad, hard last few months.

A Sentence!!

Tate and I went to see my mom today.  She just got home yesterday evening from two weeks in NYC where she said goodbye to my Uncle Jimmy.  It was a long emotional time for her, and we're so very glad to have her back home.  


So, we're in the kitchen at my parents'.  Tate walked up to the refrigerator and said 'milk' and then did the sign for 'please.'  I was amazed, proud, overwhelmed, shocked and so very thrilled!!  After my mom got the milk out for him, I told him to say thank you.  He actually said 'thank you' and did the sign at the same time!!!


My baby is growing up!

Ramblings

So, I already know this post will be all over the place :)


Tate has been soooo cute lately.  I've switched him to short sleeve pajamas as it's getting warm here already.  He is completely taken aback by the no sleeve thing.  Since we started 3 days ago, he seems out of sorts everytime he gets dressed for bed.  He'll put his arm through the sleeve and then looks completely bewildered when he sees his 'naked' arm.  He looks at me in horror and points to his arm as if to say 'Where are the rest of my clothes Mama?'  The sequence is repeated with the other arm.  Every. Single. Night.  Soooo cute.  I have to reassure him it's ok and he will be allright.


He has become quite clingy lately.  He even wants to be held here in the house.  When I'm in the kitchen, in the bathroom, getting dressed...he comes over with arms in the air saying 'up.'  And for whatever reason, playing with his toys holds no appeal for him.  He would spend all day in my lap with me reading to him.  And I'm super excited that he loves books so much, but (of course there is a but) I can barely clean up our breakfast dishes before he's in the kitchen with all his Maisy books.  He immediately starts whining if I don't plop down immediately and start reading.  At music class when we stand up and dance around he wants to be held.  Which causes me to be short of breath immediately, as Ms. Ana has us dancing around and jumping up and down, and I'm having to do it with a 23 pound child in my arms.  Apparently, I need to do warm up exercises for Toddler and Mommy music class.


He's added other words!!  When he wants me to read to him he'll say Mama and book while signing book.  He can also say Ava (his godfather's daughter's name), Lindsey, Vincent.  He says read and truck.  However, so far I have only heard the word 'no' once!!!  He will shake his head no (and it's so sweet), but thank goodness I don't get the whiny toddler NOOOOO.  Yet.


He loves music and will wiggle his little shoulders when he hears it.


His daycare teacher asked me if I sang the 'Itsy Bitsy Spider' with him.  Sadly, I had to say I hadn't sung it with him in a long time.  She told me to sing it with him to see what he did.  First off, it makes me so sad to know he has all these experiences with someone else that I miss and am not part of.   I'm sure there are a myriad of things he does that I'm not privy to simply because I spend 10 hours four days a week away from my beautiful child.  It breaks my heart.  On the one hand I'm thrilled he has these opportunities, on the other I'm jealous of those who are witness to his life when I'm not.  That has to be one of the worst parts of being a single mommy by choice.  I have no choice but to work.   I don't even have the opportunity to cut corners and stay home.  I know I didn't know how hard this part would be.


So, I sat down with him yesterday as soon as we got home (we went to the school for the Go Texan Day picnic, and I left him there to nap as he does it so much better there!).  He was amazingly cute.  He did the hand motions with me.  I LOVE IT!!!  I would have done it all day long if he would have let me.  :)


My mommy returned from NYC today after being there for 2 weeks.  My sweet Uncle Jimmy died Tuesday before last.  He held on until she arrived (he went from ok health to on his deathbed in 2 weeks).  We will be going to see her tomorrow.  We've missed her for sure, but it was so great talking to my dad every night on my way home from work.  I don't usually take the time to call to just talk to him, but I knew he would be lonely without my mom, so I called him every night.  Tate and I went over last Sunday to just hang out and stayed a couple of hours.  Watching my dad who can be a handful, laugh and play with my little boy brings me such joy.  Our relationship is so enriched because of sweet Baby Tate.  We've never been close, and we've had many an argument or disagreement, but he has been so very good to me.  And actually he has always been good to me.  I just don't think he knew how to express his love for me.  But watching him with Tate his love for the both of us shines.


So, I've been all over the place, haven't I?    The joys of motherhood.  My little guy is sleeping the sleep of the angels.  I think I'm going to close up and go join him!

A Low Key Weekend

Tate and I had a low key weekend this weekend!! Lots of hanging out on the floor playing...doing puzzles which he loves and his absolute favorite bringing me Maisy books to read.  I love love love when he toddles over to me, book in hand and plops his sweet bottom into my lap for me to read to him.  It's just absolute mommy perfection to me.  We went to visit my dad on Saturday afternoon, and they had a great time together.  


We video-skyped with Christian in Berlin on Friday.  Tate did not seem to quite understand that there was an actual person 'in' the computer.  Sunday morning we video-skyped with our friends Silke and her 22 month old, Annabelle who live in New York.  To my utter amazement, Tate said 'Annabelle' the first time I asked him to.  Clear as a bell, he said it!!  I was floored!! We stayed with them in NYC last summer and had just a wonderful time.  The kids were sooo cute together on the computer.


The weather here has been wonderful.  We've been to the park everyday this weekend.  Tate loves the slides and he's actually really good at climbing all the equipment.  My heart lurches every time he climbs up, but I let him have his fun.  I'm always amazed by his fearlessness, courage, strength and passion for everything he does.


So nothing earth shattering to share today.  Or should I rethink that statement?  The mere fact that Tate is here is mind blowing.  He's a real, live little person.  My real, live little person.  Mind boggling.  And he's so much fun.  He is truly my happiness.  As he hugged me tonight as I was dressing him for bed, as he does every single night now, I was overcome with how very much I love him.  He has his funny quirks, a great laugh, the cutest tushy, the longest legs, the softest skin, the sweetest voice, the curliest of curls for hair, gives the most amazing hugs, offers the slobberiest of kisses and brings me to my knees with joy.  All of my days are earth shattering with Tate in my life.

Worth the Wait

Tate called me 'Mommy' today for the first time!!  I was so in shock it didn't even register at first!!  We were video skyping with Christian, and Tate really didn't understand that there was a real someone there talking to us.  He kept bringing me books to read to him, and I was trying to juggle our conversation and entertain Tate at the same time.  Apparently, I wasn't doing a great job reading, and Tate started saying 'Mama, Mama, Mama' in an effort to get my attention.  My heart was full!!!


Later on, I had run to the bathroom, and as usual Tate wanted something from me.  He ran in, grabbed my hand and pulled all the while saying 'Mama.'  


Sweeter words were never spoken.  18 months and 26 days after his birth I heard the word I have waited my entire life for from my son.