Memories, Regrets, Family and Love

Today is the one year anniversary of my dear Uncle Jimmy's, my mother's only brother, death.  He was diagnosed with Lymphoma over 10 years ago;  in fact when I did my half marathon in Bermuda with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society I was able to walk in honor of him.  He went into remission soon after my marathon in 2001, but the cancer returned with a vengenance  months before he passed.


Tate and I flew to NYC in June of 2010 to spend some time with my uncle, though mostly so he could meet his twin cousins who are one week older than him.  They are the children of my cousin Marcus.  His mom, Lynette, is sibling to my mom, my Uncle Jimmy, my Aunt Alice and my deceased Aunt Carolyn.


I will always be so grateful that Tate and I made that journey that summer.  Our contact with most of my mother's family has always been limited to her immediate family, so it was extremely important that Tate meet his cousins for me.  As well, I've always loved my Uncle Jimmy, and though I can't say I knew him well, certainly not like Marcus and his sister, Kim did, I love him.  He was funny, crass, outrageous and SUCH a New Yorker complete with cursing every other word, being standoffish to those he didn't know and oh he was not a fan of the white man.  He never forgot a birthday, never missed a graduation present, always sent Christmas cards and always included a little cash in all those cards.


A couple of nights before Tate and I returned home, my uncle came over to hang out with us.  Marcus and his wife (Gail) were going out that night to celebrate their anniversary, my Aunt Lynette was with her daughter, my other cousin who had just given birth in New Jersey and the twins were with Gail's family for the night.  Sadly, Tate was already asleep by the time Uncle Jimmy arrived, though he had seen him the day before and met him for his one and only time.  We ate some dinner, had some wine and then settled in the darkened living room with the tv on.  A friend of Jimmy's was there as well, and we just talked and reminisced a bit.  And I was exhausted.  Tate didn't sleep great in new environments, so I was not getting great sleep myself (nothing new :)  ).  And New Yorkers can stay up LATE.  I remember many a night hearing my mom and her family and friends up laughing, playing cards and having a fabulous time.  Up late!


Looking back on that last evening with my Uncle Jimmy, the last time I would ever see him, I feel a bit guilty.  Because all I wanted to do was to go to sleep.  I know I mentioned a couple of times how little sleep I was getting and how tired I was.  Yes, hints.  And now of course I regret it.  I wish I had been more engaged.  I wish I had been more aware.  I wish I had listened my intently.  I wish I had enjoyed our time together more.  I wish Tate had been a better sleeper.  I wish I had known.


I wish I had known it would be the last time I would see him.


I hope he knows I loved him, that I still love him.


All new mothers have regrets.  This is one of my biggest ones.


But we did spend about 2 1/2 hours together.  2 1/2 hours.  My uncle loved me and drove in bad traffic, quite a distance (Brooklyn to the Bronx) and did it twice that weekend.  This amidst him driving back and forth to New Jersey to be with my aunt and her daughter and the sad difficulties being experienced there, all in the 5 days we were in NYC.  He met my son, loved on him and enjoyed the short amount of time they had together.  Had I known it would be Tate's only time to see him, I would have let him stay up later and hang out with us.  But you know me and Tate's sleep.  He was in bed 'on time.'  


First time mother regrets.


But we learn.  


My Uncle Jimmy taught me that family is important, no matter how infrequently you see each other.  My Uncle Jimmy taught me that sons LOVE their mothers.  There was nothing more beautiful than watching my uncle with my beloved grandmother.  My Uncle Jimmy taught me to think outside the box.  My Uncle Jimmy taught me that you never know what's going to happen the next day, the next week, the next month or the next year.


Uncle Jimmy is going to teach Tate all those things and more.  Because I'll be sure Tate knows his Uncle Jimmy.  We need strong male figures to be role models in his life.  Just because Uncle Jimmy isn't alive to be a role model in no way means he can't still be one for his sweet nephew.  

Tate meets Uncle Jimmy for the 1st time June 2010

So I'll be scouring photo albums for pictures of my Uncle Jimmy as well as my grandparents and everyone else who has touched my life and is no longer here to personally touch Tate's life.  Tate's little family of two is about to get a whole lot bigger.


Thanks Uncle Jimmy!  I can't wait to hang out with you again, maybe this time you'll teach me how to play some cards.

Lindsey and Uncle Jimmy Summer 2007 - Brooklyn