The Polar Express

Believe.  

That's the theme from the Polar Express.

Believe.

If you believe you'll always hear the bell ring.

I hear that bell every single day because I believe in the magic of Santa Claus.  In the magic of Christmas.  In the magic of the Virgin Birth.

We had a really fantastic time on our Polar Express ride to the North Pole.  Tate has been looking forward to this for weeks, as I was constantly reminding him that soon we were going to ride the Polar Express with Alonzo and Aunt Palmi.  Finally the big day arrived.

Friday Tate and I were up with the sun per our usual.  After a leisurely breakfast and last minute packing we headed out to his 8:30 appointment to get his haircut.  As is his usual Tate was great for Mr. Kirk and his haircut.  I've lost count of how many times he's had his haircut now!  We then headed over for his swim lessons at 9:30.  Again he was great!!  And his teacher took him out to the deep end!!  He was awesome and swam to her for several feet doing his version of the freestyle and the back float.  No fear in this little guy.

We got him changed and ran to Walgreens to pick up a couple of things.  Now this child of mine who has never, ever had a tantrum in a store because I told him no he couldn't have something LOST HIS MIND on Friday when I wouldn't buy him some train Christmas ornament.  Screamed, cried, refused to leave the aisle.  I refused to give in to his demands, and I refused to not get the items I needed.  So while he acted like an abandoned child I calmed paid for my purchases.  I then picked him up, and we got on our way.  Once home he calmed down and got a bath and ready for Alonzo to arrive.  By noon Palmi and Alonzo were there, and we were off.  The kids ate nuggets I had prepared in the car and settled in for the 2 hour and 45 minute ride to the Polar Express in Palestine, Texas!  Tate napped as requested by me and we arrived at our hotel.  We checked in, got a bit settled and we all changed in our Christmas pajamas!!  The boys were beside themselves with excitement.  It was absolutely beautiful to watch them together.  Tate thinks Alonzo hung the moon, and Alonzo is the most giving, loving, beautiful little boy.  He took Tate under his wing and took care of him, like a fantastic big brother.  I would look up and Alonzo would have an arm around Tate's shoulders guiding him one way or the other, or hugging on sweet Tate. Tate listened to anything Alonzo said and was in awe of this sweet little boy.  Here they are ready to go at the hotel!

In the hotel lobby!

We were off!  We got to the station and got our 'golden' tickets.  We wandered the grounds of the station, taking pictures and letting the kids revel in the trains around them.

There's a train Mom!!

Alonzo corralling Tate! 

Tate says "Come on Alonzo, let's board the Polar Express!"

Tate insisted that this man, an engineer, needed to stamp his ticket!

All aboard!!

And our adventure began as we headed north to the North Pole!

We were seated at our table with our white 'linens' which the boys destroyed quickly with their newly purchased trains racing them back and forth across the linens.  Then our 'chef' and 'porter' started singing a song...Tate was enthralled.  Everyone in the car started clapping and singing!!

Next up...the serving of the hot cocoa and a chocolate cookie (I had bought a couple of cookies from Whole Foods for Tate, and the 'chef' was more than happy to give it to him when she brought out everyone else's so he would have the same napkin and experience!  Tate thought the hot chocolate was the best thing ever.

 Then the conductor came by and stamped their golden tickets!!

As we drank our hot cocoa, all of a sudden we heard the story 'The Polar Express' being read to us over the loud speaker.  The chef walked up and down the aisle with a copy of the book, turning the pages as she strolled by each table.  So very cute!

Then Christmas carols began!  Everyone sang along!  It was just so very festive!!

And then we started getting closer and and closer to the North Pole.  It was getting colder and colder.  You could feel the anticipation in the train car.  The kids were full of happiness, joy and anticipation.

And then we were there...The North Pole...

Saying good-bye to the North Pole

As we bid farewell to the elves at the North Pole, we were thrilled to realize that Santa Claus was on our train!!!  He walked up and down the aisle signing everyone's golden ticket and leaving a sleigh bell with each child.  The ringing of the bells could be heard up and down the aisle, throughout the train car, by all the children and adults alike.

There he is!!!

Holding his ticket in anticipation for Santa!

Alonzo greets Mr. C as he signed his name on the tickets!

Tate and Mr. C!

We then made our way back 'home.'  More Christmas carols were sang and absolute joy was felt throughout the cabin!  (And we got some great pictures with our kiddos)

Mommys and their sweet sons

Holding onto that signed golden ticket.
He wasn't too keen on the bell.
Someday he'll understand!

( If you look behind us in the previous pictures you can see our 'chef' enjoying the Christmas carols complete with a dance!!!)

We arrived back at the station about an hour after we'd left.  We made our way back to the hotel after picking up some food.  We got the boys fed some dinner, some wine and food into Palmi and me and then Tate and I headed off to our room.  He was sound asleep by 8:30...a little late, all wound up with excitement.

We were tired, happy and full of love.  I've always thought it to be a cliche that watching your child have an experience could bring you joy.  I'm here to say it's absolutely true.  Watching Tate's face light up with that innocent wonder and joy brought tears to my eyes.  His happiness, excitement, beauty in the absolute amazement of all that surrounded him made the 3 hour drive each way totally worth it.  These moments in time for him were the best Christmas present I could have received.

Saturday morning Tate was up at 5:30!!  Not surprising since he went to bed so late...which always gives him an earlier wake-up.  Still.  But he was happy, happy.  He ate some breakfast in our room and then was clamoring to see Alonzo.  They were awake around 7 and I couldn't keep Tate out of their room.  We packed up and headed downstairs to check out and make our way back to Houston.  We ate breakfast downstairs (Tate nibbled on yet more Cheerios as of course he was starving haven eaten at 5:45! and it was now 8:30!!)  Then the boys got on the floor to do their favorite thing...play with trains.

The fact that I could share this with one of my oldest and dearest friends made me happier than I thought possible.  Palmi and I met the first day of college, on my birthday, August 25, 1985.  27 1/2 years of friendship.  We both ended up being dentists...we spent more time in Science labs together, studying late at night, cramming for Chem and Bio than either of us would care to remember.

Ups and downs. First loves and last loves.  Talking every day and talking every other month.  She is one of my few forever friends.

25 years ago....

On the Polar Express...

Palmi and I have shared college life, dental school life, single gal life!
Now we get to share our greatest joy....mommy life!

A Little Advent Catch-Up

A little Advent catch-up here....I think we still missed a day, but it's ok.  We are still awaiting the celebration of the birth of Christ with great anticipation.

And why are we behind you may ask?  Well we've had quite the busy past 3 days!  Thursday night I had my office Christmas party, so one of Tate's fabulous daycare teachers babysat for me.  I got him bathed, fed and ready for bed.  But before I left, I 'helped' Tate choose a book for the 6th night of Advent....

Sadly, my video cut off, but the book was 'THE POLAR EXPRESS!'  He was beside himself with happiness.  I was only able to read the first couple of pages before I had to leave, but Ms. I read him the entire book.

Friday we were off to ride THE POLAR EXPRESS in Palestine with Alonzo and his mommy, my dear college friend Palmi!  The boys had a fantastic time as did their mommys.  Many pictures, videos and stories to come.  So we missed Friday's Advent book.

Saturday we arrived back home and did a quick turn around as I had to take Tate down to my parents' house for the evening, so I could attend the tribal White Elephant Party!!  Before we left we opened the Advent book for the 7th night.  He was a bit tired after the long drive home, but he was happy to open another book.  (note his adorable train shirt!)

Tonight he opened two books for the 8th and 9th night.  One of the books is by the same author of the book 'If I Could Keep You Little'.  As I read that book I use his name;  each page starts with 'If I could keep you little...' thus I say "If I could keep you little Tate...".  He therefore seems to believe these are 'Tate' books.  Love it!

Actually I think we're all caught up!  He is really enjoying opening the books and I love watching him be so into it.  And I know part of it is his joy of getting a present, a huge part, but I know that he's taking it all in, watching me and listening to me.  He knows.  He knows.  It's almost birthday time!

Wordless Wednesday - 5th Day of Advent

Tate's Tuesday

I cuddled Tate out of his crib last night and put him in bed with me.  We slept until just after 6 this morning.  He woke up happy as a clam muttering about wanting a piece of cheese.  

An easy morning.  An easy drop-off.  An easy pick-up (though apparently he didn't nap yet again, and he didn't listen as well as he could have today, but details, details).  An easy, fun dinner...complete with 'A' zucchini (named after his sweet friend from NYC who loves zucchini and she and Tate had races to see who could finish first while we were there).  An easy bath time complete with peeing proudly in the tub...eh...whacha gonna do? An easy toothbrushing.  A few books read.  Complete with Tate reading to me and his stuffed animals....

Then on to the Advent book choosing for tonight, the 4th night of Advent...

My sweet boy....

I couldn't be happier to see characters in a book about
the story of Christmas that have people who look like
me and Tate!!  Even the characters of Mary, Joseph and
Jesus looked like us!

Simmer, Bubble and Boil

I write this post about the 3rd day of Advent in a bit of turmoil.

Tate was in a fantastic mood at pick up today.  In fact he was a happy camper this morning singing 'Jingle Bells' at the top of his lungs if for no other reason than he can!

We came home happily to find that the small train I had ordered from him had arrived.  The cars of the train are each one letter of his name and there's a caboose and an engine.  He was in heaven.

  

Dinner went well...he gobbled up his hot dog, yes hot dog (organic, nitrite and preservative free, but a hot dog nonetheless), milk, Happy Tot pouch and broccoli.  And yes he ate the broccoli because I told him he could have a popsicle.  And yes I've been doing that for about a week.  I had been trying this whole don't make food a battle, don't make vegetables out to be the bad guy, don't bribe with food business for months.  And he rarely ate a vegetable unless he was at school with Ms. Laura.  This works.  He happily eats his veggies, all of them.  And he gets a mini, coconut milk, chocolate popsicle with 1 gram of sugar, no added sugar, no artificial sweeteners, no added much of anything.  There are 6 grams of fat, but he eats such a clean healthy diet regularly that I'm not going to worry about 6 grams of fat for my 3 year old.  This business of how to get kids to eat this, not that blah blah blah is not my game.  He's a kid.  He's a human.  Yes food is sustenance, but I see no problem with a little joy in eating.  I'm ever mindful because for me food is comfort, and I don't use food as comfort for him.  If he does something I need him to do and I think he deserves a treat he gets a book or a toy or a simple hug from me.  He got a big shot on Friday...he got a big hug from Mommy and a cool band-aid.  No milkshake, no smoothie...hugs.  Now though I wonder if buying things sets him up for some sort of money is to be spent, rewards are great nonsense.

I don't have time to worry about that.  When he's old enough to understand I will change the rules.  Then he will have to eat his broccoli and green beans no matter what.  That's my plan.  Today.  If I run out of popsicles we'll see.  However, I am telling him that broccoli tastes good and he always agrees.  I think next week I'll just give him the broccoli before the rest of his meal and see how that goes.  Don't you love it when I write as I think.

Anyway...I started feeling like a grump.  A total grump.  For no good reason other than my hormones are starting to be completely out of whack I think.  My period has been lasting 7-8 days and sometimes I go 21 days between periods...which SUCKS! and sometimes I go 26-28 days.  And goodness it's rough.  And I'm pretty sure I'm ovulating right now and I'm moody as can be.  And I can feel it coming on.  It's like I can feel the bubbling down inside and it just starts to explode.

Poor Tate.

Sadly I will never be able to do hormone therapy because I had a blood clot about 9 years ago.

Poor Tate.

I went on upstairs to get his bath ready and asked him to come up in one minute.  As always he happily came up singing and still thrilled with his 'alphabet' train.  Pottied and into the tub he went.

I simmered away.

I forgot to give him his meds.  I had to go back downstairs.  Did I mention it's over 80 degrees in this hellhole I call a home town.  Therefore my house is warm.  And I'm a slug these days I need to lose weight so badly.  And now I have to walk back downstairs and back UP.  Sigh.

I started to bubble.

I huff and puff my way back upstairs and Tate is having fun in the tub. I get him his meds and bathe him.  I lean over to let the water out.  He looks up at me and starts splashing with his feet...this is behavior that is a definite no, and he knows it.  I told him calmly to stop.  He looks down, looks me right in the eye and splashes so much water with his hands he about drenches my left side.

I burst into flames.

I just stared at him and lost it.

And I should have walked away.

I should have simply walked away.

 And it so wasn't about the splashing.  Water dries.  I was fine.  It was the open definance.  The looking me straight in the eye and doing what he knew he wasn't supposed to do!  For about 2 seconds I searched my brain for what would impress upon him that this was unacceptable.  What could I take away that would make him understand.  What punishment would he 'get?'

And honestly short of telling him he couldn't have an Advent book there's not much.  It was already almost bedtime.  He's already not allowed tv on school days.  He loves brushing his teeth.  He wouldn't care if he could only have one story because he was going to get to open the Advent book.  Telling him he couldn't play with his trains in the morning would have no immediate effect...the splashing wouldn't even be a blip on his radar in 12 hours.  
Because I don't want to take away the Advent celebration.  That is precious and meaningful.  And I suppose that would make my point, but for me we do that no matter what because that's about someone else, not us.

So, my hand shot out.  For the second time.  And I hate myself.  And I know it didn't hurt because he didn't even cry at first.  He was just shocked.  We both stared at each other.  Then he cried when he saw how upset I was.  He was upset and horrified and just stared at me as I got the towels ready to get him out of the tub.

And as quick as he started crying, he stopped.  Once he was out of the tub and getting dressed he was fine.  Laughing with me.  Sigh.

I asked him to come stand with me while I sincerely apologized and told him I loved him.  He said ok and told me to come on, let's go in the bedroom.

He was super excited about this, the 3rd day of Advent.  

 My child.  The face and embodiment of forgiveness.  I am so not worthy.

Tonight I'll be on my knees in prayer.  Praying for forgiveness.  Praying for patience.  Praying for worthiness.

My Wish Come True

Tate loved last night's book 'The Story of Christmas'.  It was a rendition of the Gospel of Luke's telling of the story of Jesus' birth.  It also included a puzzle on each of the four pages...made his night!  On the second page the illustration shows a very pregnant Mary riding a donkey to Bethlehem.  I showed Tate that Jesus was in Mary's belly just like he was before he was born.  He didn't quite believe me, that he was ever in my belly that is.  That's when I realized that I don't think I've ever told Tate that he used to be in my belly.  Not ever.  And I want him to know this. I want him to know how he came to be.  So I just told him that yes he used to be in my tummy just like Jesus was in Mary's belly.  In typical 3 year old fashion he simply moved on to the next page and the next puzzle.

 Tonight as he settled into the chair to gaze upon his book selections he was toying his hippo lovey and said to me across the room "I want to be a baby again.  I need a pacifier."  My heart melted and I felt that same longing that he did...I miss him being a baby too.  I told him I could still hold him like a baby, though he couldn't be a baby and that I didn't have any more pacifiers (though if I had had one I think I just may have given him one and gathered him up in my arms!).  He said ok and happily let me hold him in my arms just for a second before handing me last night's book to read again BEFORE opening a book tonight! :)  He was thrilled to redo the puzzles, and made mention of Jesus being in Mary's tummy.  Then when I asked if he wanted to open a book or brush his teeth first he chose to brush his teeth!  I've taught him so well! :)

Then he was ready to choose his book.  Let me just say this...my God is an amazing God.  He knows exactly what He is doing.

Tate chose 'If I Could Keep You Little' by Marianne Richmond.

What better book for two people melancholy about the idea of growing up tonight.  And I love Marianne Richmond's books.  The words are always beautiful and poetic.  The illustrations are lovely and whimsical.  I always feel peaceful and content reading her books, and Tate seems to really enjoy them as well.  They are longer than most children's books and they are rich in meaning and prose, but they touch my heart and obviously my baby's heart.  This book was no different. He asked me to read it twice. 

The second time I personalized the story and began each page with "If I could keep you little, Tate..."  

We cuddled up in my bed after I finished reading that book and another book of hers called "You Are My Wish Come True".  And Tate chose that one tonight as well...we've read it a few times before, but quite some time ago.  This book is about a mama bear and her son Barley.  She explains how she wished and wished for him and how he is her wish come true.  She tells me his whole birth story from when she decided she wanted a baby to the day she gave birth to him.  And...the story only includes the mommy and the baby.  It's the perfect book for Christian Single Mothers by Choice.  It's absolutely beautiful.  It's lengthy, but Tate sits for the whole story, and I love sharing it with him.  And I think it's high time I started sharing his story, how he is my wish come true.

Advent 2012

Today was the first day of Advent; well actually tomorrow is.  It's the season in the Christian calendar that begins four Sundays before Christmas Eve.  It's a time of preparation for Christmas, waiting for the celebration of the birth of Christ.  For me it's a time of great joy and anticipation.  I'm trying to share that with Tate.  He's learning all about the true meaning of Christmas here at home and thankfully at school as well, if not more so there.  When we were shopping the other day he shouted out "We have to buy a birthday present for Jesus!" (He has decided this present needs to be a train;  I wonder if he anticipates that Jesus will share with him.)

Last year a fellow SMC mentioned to me that to celebrate Advent or recognize Advent she has her 2 sons open a new book each night during Advent instead of (or maybe in addition to, I'm not sure).  She wrapped up the books, and the boys chose a book each night to unwrap and read.  I loved the idea!  Instead of a little calendar with candy (how dentist heart sings) Tate could get a book!!  I'm always looking for ways to encourage and foster his love of reading.  (He chooses to read books in the car almost all the time, for hours at a time!)

Last year all 24 books were Christmas related.  Some were hits, others were immediately forgotten, not even read the night they were opened.  This year I decided the majority will be Christmas related, but I've thrown a few in there that are not.  In addition, I've recycled some of last year's books because (a) he won't remember them (b) they were good books, just not ones I could convince a 2 year old to sit through (c) I just don't think we need almost 50 Christmas books in 2 years.  I've got some totally secular Christmas books in there...ie Thomas or Elmo, but am just as heavy on the religious books as well.  So, we'll see.  I'm excited.  I need about 6 more books, so need to scour the bookshelves for a few more :)

Our Celebration of Advent 2012

I didn't re-fancy up the basket obviously! :)