So Hard Sometimes

There are times with this single mommy job is seemingly so much harder than I could have ever anticipated.

I'm not referring to the exhaustion, the amount of hard work, or the sheer magnitude of the fact that I am 110% responsible for the raising of this child.

I'm referring to the times when being a single parent is glaringly in one's face amongst a sea of faces of married parents.

Usually I'm pretty ok with being the only single parent in a group...but a group I know.  A group that's pretty small and intimate. 

A group of friends.

Two weekends ago I had my first 'big' event as a single mother.  I attended Tate's school Gala and Auction.  Alone.

I so didn't want to go, least of all by myself.  For a myriad of reasons...

• It was expensive...$200. 
• I knew there was no way I would be able to afford anything up for bid.
• I was pretty sure I would be one of the few single people in the room at tables built for couples.
• I don't know any of these parents very well though they have been nice and supportive.  I only 'know' one other mother of an older child.
• I had to arrange childcare for Tate (not a huge problem and certainly not an issue of a single parent because all the parents would need childcare, married or single).
• I simply am not comfortable around all these gorgeous, well put together, in shape, very wealthy people in these types of settings.
• I had to go alone. (I've said that, haven't I?)  Walking into a huge, expensive event by myself at a swanky hotel did not sound at all life affirming or festive.

But...there's always a but...

I decided to go.  I paid my $200.  I bought a nice fancy dress.  I pulled on my Spanx.  I took Tate to my parents for an overnight visit.  I decided it was more than ok not to bid on anything. 

Most importantly I decided I was just as good as all the pretty marrieds and that I needed to do this for Tate.  And myself.  So I did!

I rocked that Gala!