Random Pre-Mother's Day Musings - Don't Mind Me

As another Mother's Day rolls around and I've just put my life's joy to sleep I am here amazed by how much my life has changed in the past 5 1/2 years.  Because my life changed that weekend in October 2008 when Christian and I did that first home insemination.  My life was no longer my own.

Tonight I am mother to an almost 5 year old boy.  It is almost unfathomable to me that he has been present, in my life, for 4 years and 10 months.  That he has been a part of my life for 5 years and 7 months.  

Motherhood.  It is everything I dreamed of.  And it's everything I never dreamed of.  Sometimes I absolutely love it.  Sometimes I wonder what if I could just have one minute when I wasn't worrying or thinking about that little boy at school? asleep? at soccer? at Grandmommy and Papa's? Wherever he is.

Is this how it's going to be for the rest of my life?  Will I wonder about him all. the. time?  Does my mom think about me even now 46 years later every second of every day?  Surely not.  Surely not.  Even when I'm at work I think about him constantly...wondering what he's doing, is he having fun, is he arguing with a friend, is he playing.  It doesn't help that in my line of work I can bring him up almost all day long.  I'm constantly telling my patients "I have a little boy almost your age.",  "I have a little boy who loves trains, do you like trains?", "My little boy cried too the first time he came to see the dentist." "Oh my goodness you're graduating from the school my little boy is going to start at next year!".  The list is endless.  

I also sometimes wonder what is it about us mothers (and fathers) that thinks it's ok to just gush over these little people.  I mean gush.  We think our kids are so very special, so very awesome, so very everything.  Isn't that a bit self-absorbed?  After all these little people are half of us.  So we're truly gushing over half of ourselves.  I find that a bit disconcerting when I allow myself to think about my son in that way.

Then other times I realize he's a gift to me from God.  God chose me to be this little boy's mother.  He chose me to nurture this soul.  He entrusted me with his care.  These thoughts bring me to my knees; especially in those moments that I've gone to the mean mommy side.  I'm the one person in this world who is to love him unconditionally, always and forever.   What an amazing job.  

A job Tate makes really easy. :)

 I couldn't have picked a more fantastic child for me to mother!

Here are his Spring 2014 school pictures.  

  

This morning at soccer the coach gave the kids flowers to give their moms.  

I've been a mother my entire life.  I've just been waiting to hold this child in my arms.  My heart is full and my arms are too!!