Spring Break 2016

Spring Break 2016 is well underway for my Tate and me!!  

We spent the weekend at  The Woodlands Resort...a first time for Tate and me.  It was just lovely!  Our friends joined us...we love traveling and hanging out with them.  I love that Tate has friends that he considers family, and even better they're black as well!  It's so important to me that we spend time with people who look like us and have the same values we do.

So I picked Tate up from school an hour early, and we made our way north to the resort.  This place is gorgeous!  It's amazing how far removed from home we have felt, and only about 30 miles away from home!  It's just lovely.  I convinced Tate to take a nap on the drive up, and he grudgingly did.

I knew the other kids would be up late, and I wanted Tate to have an opportunity to stay up as well.  But he had to get some rest in preparation!

It's been a tad cool, temperature wise, but that hasn't stopped the kids!  As soon as we got checked in yesterday we made our way to the pool!  Luckily there was a heated one and an awesome hot tub!  Plus this super relaxing and fun lazy river!!

 We got the kiddos changed and enjoyed s'mores by the pool!

After s'mores we made our way to dinner at the main building!  I love watching these kids together!

Once back in the room, they convened a meeting to discuss how to track down the Loch Ness Monster...

Tate made it to 8:25pm!  He was so excited to be staying up late.  I thought he would make it to 9 at least!  Nope!  He came and told me he was tired and that his stomach and throat hurt.  After being so very sick last week with those exact same symptoms I was worried.  I got some advil in tummy along with his regular meds and he was on his way to la-la land by 8:40;  I'm pretty sure he was asleep by 8:50!  :)

The little guy made it to 6:50 this morning!  He woke up minus the tummy and throat ache, so even better.  I really think that was his body's way of saying he was extremely tired last night!   He got his 45 minutes of screen time then ate his breakfast while watching the movie 'Home.'  G joined him once he got up, and they danced, finished the movie and played Legos.

All four kids and N and R headed down to breakfast while I headed to the pool area to snag seats under umbrellas and in prime position!  I got an entire HOUR to myself to read and just enjoy the view.  Absolutely lovely!!  Lovely!

Then everyone was there and though the quiet was gone I had the most amazing day.  I did absolutely nothing.  Just nothing.  We watched the kids play in the pool, we rode the lazy river, we ate outside and just chatted.  There was no laundry to do, no basketball game to race off to, no groceries to be bought.  A day of just nothing.  Lovely!!!!  

The requisite picture of relaxing by the pool.
Mine is photo-bombed by two 6 year olds!

4 1/2 hours later we brought the kids back inside to relax and just hang out.  Tate needed some alone time and watching a little on my phone.  Then we showered and joined everyone else in their room (right next to ours) then headed down for s'mores by the pool again.  Dinner was had, and Tate was exhausted.  With the time changing (and not in our favor :( ) I had him in bed asleep by 7:45!  A Hallmark cheesey movie on the tv for me and my day was complete!!!

I was asleep Saturday night by 10pm!  I watched my Hallmark movie then snuggled under the covers with my boy!  Even better, he slept 11 hours and I got 9 hours of sleep!  We both tossed and turned ALOT, but it was good, long sleep.

We leisurely got up and he ate his breakfast while I packed up the rest of our stuff.  The other kiddos joined him for some 'Inside Out'!

N and I checked out of our rooms, and moved our stuff down to R's room who got a late check-out.  Everyone headed out for brunch, Tate included again,  while I went down to the pool to gather spots and enjoy some alone time!!  It was ten times busier this morning!  Everyone was ready to start their Spring Break!

The kids joined me along with N, and we enjoyed another gorgeous afternoon!  The kiddos were exhausted after a couple of hours though, so we headed back up to get changed and head back home around 3!

Huge slide into FREEZING water!! 

On the way home I surprised Tate, and we got sno-balls at our favorite place!!  My new Spider-man fan got a Spider-man sno-ball!!

My favorite pic from the weekend..

This is why I spent more money than I needed to at this time in our lives,
why I stayed up later than I should have,
why I sat out in the hot sun for hours.
This.
Friendship that is Family.  These four call themselves brothers and sisters.
More than I could have ever wished for.

Another Person in the House

I looked back at Tate's empty car seat the other day as I was making a turn after dropping him off at school.  Seeing that empty car seat just reminded me of how much I love have another person in my presence almost all the time.

I'm loving raising this 6 1/2 year old little boy.  I'm loving having someone around in the house to talk to, hang out with, play with and simply enjoy being with.  I don't think I ever really thought about how much I would enjoy having another human being share my life with me.  

I simply love sharing this thing I call life with Tate.  Our relationship of companionship brings me joy, peace, happiness, completeness in a sense.  I so like having him around :).

And I know he won't always be around.  That the more he grows up, each day that passes is another day closer to when he won't be around.  Oh, he certainly cannot fathom ever not living with me....he said as much just the other day.  He intends to live with me forever.  Though in some selfish way that makes me smile and wish it could be so, I know that that's just not going to happen.  At some point, sooner than later, he's going to be ready to have his own space, his own life that's not to intricately tied to mine.

I don't want him to feel he is abandoning me though.  That's one of the reasons I work so hard to maintain my friendships and spend time with those I love outside of my relationship with Tate.  It's so very easy to let our mother/child relationship overshadow absolutely everything.  There are weekends when he and I see noone but each other or do absolutely everything together, and we love it.  For now that's no pressure on him, but in years to come it might become pressure that he isn't even aware he's feeling. 

I pray I'm laying the foundation for a strong relationship between the two of us no matter how far apart we are in physical distance (though I won't lie...I hope he settles in the same city I reside in when he's older).  I'm hoping that this need he has for being with me all the time, this wanting to be a dad himself first and foremost, is building the groundwork for him to realize how very important family is.  

For now though I'm really enjoying mothering this little boy.  I'm loving our banter, our conversations, our 'debates', our lives together.  He's becoming this person whom I enjoy being around.  I can't even remember what it was like before he was in my life.  

My house is a home because of him.  

A Visit From The Tooth Fairy!!!

My baby lost his first tooth!

His first tooth!

Tooth #O fell out Tuesday, February 16, 2016.

Ok, so it didn't really *fall* out.  I may have helped it just a bit.  Seriously, this tooth has been loose since May 2015.  It would get loose, tighten back up, loosen up, tighten back up.

About 2 months ago I noticed a bulge behind (lingual to) the baby central incisor.  I knew that was the permanent tooth.  I've been after Tate to wiggle, wiggle, wiggle.  Every night when I brushed his teeth, I'd put my fingers in there and wiggle wiggle.  Back and forth.  In circles.  It finally stayed consistently mobile!

It was sooooo loose he could also move it parallel with the floor when he moved it forward.  But he kept saying it hurt, it hurt.  I tried telling him it was just growing pains, and that it was going to hurt a little bit, and he seemed to accept that.  But he just couldn't get the tooth out.

Tuesday night it was just about there.  We were sitting on the bed, and I was reading stories.  I told him he had to work on wiggling the tooth the entire time I read to him.  I watched him surreptitiously out of the corner of my eye while reading as he wiggled.  When he pushed forward I *accidentally* hit his hand with my elbow turning a page.

Cue the tears and "It hurts!  My tooth hurts!  Mommy! Mommy!"

I apologized profusely and said "Let me see sweetie.  Oh no it's bleeding!  Let me just clean it off for you!"

I grabbed a kleenex to wipe up the blood and with a twist and an "Oh my goodness Tate!" his tooth was out!!

He looked at me astonished (and tears completely gone!) and said "That didn't hurt at all!!!"

I showed it to him and he was over the moon!  A few looks in the mirror, fingers in the mouth and lots of smiles and he was down one baby tooth!!

He scampered off to get his tooth fairy pillow after a few more looks in the bathroom mirror and we put the tooth in the pillow to wait for the tooth fairy!!

Tate told the story of how he lost his first tooth!

The tooth fairy made her visit complete with tooth fairy dust!  She left him a book and a $1 gold coin!  I even caught her in the act when I heard her twinkling about!

You can sort of see the tooth fairy dust on the bedside table.

She's a messy one with all that fairy dust!

Fairy kisses! 

I asked the tooth fairy to leave me Tate's
first tooth.  She was happy to oblige and left
it in this beautiful little case! 

Here's my happy boy with his tooth fairy treasures!

Here we are 3 nights later here he is with TWO new teeth coming in!  And only one lost baby tooth :)  The other baby tooth is loose, so he's working on it!

I still love watching him sleep.  Such a magical time in his our lives.  I just love the whole experience!!  I so love being his mommy!!!

A New Twist on Resolutions!

It's January 31st!  The first month of the new year is about over!  I've always half-heartedly made some large, sweeping resolution to change my life at the beginning of each new year and been completely and totally overwhelmed and just never made a success of any of them.

This year I took the advice of a post I read on FB...monthly resolutions.  It was suggested that you make small resolutions for 30 days;  even better if you paired up with a friend or two for support along the month.  And if you didn't 'make' your resolution for the month, then you can carry it over to the next month or just start over.  Each month is a fresh start.  Say you say you're going to walk 10 days in a month and you only do 9...pledge to walk the extra day the next month.

This seemed like something I could on board with!  I emailed my tribal girlfriends and asked them to join me!!  8 of the 10 of them joined me!!

I decided to focus on three aspects of my life with my resolutions...my family, my health and my home.

For my family, I vowed to not use my phone, text, email, check fb or participate in any social media while with Tate during the week.  From the time I got home from work until he was in bed...nothing.  I'm very happy to say I was very successful at that!!  It was great to just focus on him.  I don't know if he noticed a difference, but I did.  And it was much easier than I anticipated!

For my healthy, I resolved to get some sort of exercise 5 days a week....walking was going to be my easiest form of exercise.  I didn't make 5 days a week each week, but I did manage at least 3 times each week.  Even better I got Tate to go with me a couple of times on his scooter while I walked.  I averaged about 20 minutes each time during the work week when I walked during lunch and about 20-30 minutes on the weekends.  I even walked the perimeter of the playground while he was playing with a friend to make almost a mile!!

For my home, I vowed to start working on getting this place ready to go on the market as well as fixing things I've been putting off.  This month I decided to change all my locks to double dead bolts, mostly for safety's sake.  I even managed to fix the lock on my fence myself insuring now it's locked with a master lock at all times!!!  This I completed as well...the locksmith was just here this past Friday, and all our locks are changed!!

I can't wait to see what February holds for me.

In other news, Tate has found the Avengers.  We are in full Superhero mode here...here we are on our walk today!!!

The Milestones Continue!! WOOHOO!!

Milestones...I don't think I realized that my 1st grader would still be hitting milestones, but he is!!  I'm so excited that he is!  How did I not realize that this little boy of mine still has so much to learn and to achieve??  He's only been on this earth for 6 1/2 years.  There is tons and tons and tons for him to see, hear, feel, taste, experience, enjoy, embrace, learn and love in this beautiful thing called life.

I've had the privilege to see him hit 3 milestones in the past 4 months!  First off he learned how to tie his shoes by October!  One day he came home from school and showed me he could do it!!!  Of course it's made getting out of the house take a tad longer in the mornings :), but it's all good.  I was so proud of him!

Over the Christmas holidays he learned how to ride a bike!  I've been working with him and working with him....he was scared of falling; I was frustrated by his fear.  So I asked Stuart, the young man who babysat him over the holidays, to please help him with the bike riding.  Lo and behold Tate and Stuart worked it out and the last week of December my boy was riding a bike without training wheels!!  He has not looked back!

This weekend Tate and I went to one of our favorite local playgrounds.  It was 47 degrees and cloudy and I was freezing.  I was trying to warm up and I looked up and saw my boy doing this!

He's been working so hard to accomplish this!  I was so very proud of him!!!

I love watching this little boy learn and how much he loves learning!!  A lifetime of milestones to come!  I cannot wait!!

Four Days

Four days.

I live my life in four day increments.  

Every Sunday night I tell myself  'Ok four days, four nights and then you have 3 days with Tate.'

So those might not be the exact words I say to myself every Sunday night, but the gist is that.  I have to 'survive' the next four days of work to have three days with my sweet boy.  And now that he's in school it's really only 2 1/2 days.  

And I hate it.  I can't stand feeling this way.  But it seems so very true when you get down to the basics of our life. We're up by 6am and trying to get out the door every Monday through Friday by 7:15am.  That doesn't leave time to connect or hang out.  By the time we both get moving (he's much more a morning person that I ever will be! So he's raring to go immediately!) it's 6:15am.  Thankfully my morning bird can start his own breakfast, so I get up and do the basics for myself...wash face, contacts, straighten the bed and get downstairs to finish his breakfast.  I make his lunch, wash breakfast dishes, make-up/hair for me, cajole him into his clothes, he brushes his teeth and if we're super duper lucky, on a really good day which are very few and far between I'll read him a quick story and we have to leave.  That story rarely happens, so there's no real connection.  Thankfully he's really easy going, so rarely do I have to push him along and on those days when he's dragging I know he needs me, so I slow down and make time to connect with him to see what's going on.  I never regret those days I end up being late because I know he needed me.

The evenings seem the same.  We have at most 2 hours together.  Usually only an hour and a half.  To eat dinner, clean dishes, read stories, brush teeth and get him to sleep.  We do get to connect a bit while reading stories and while we eat, but it never seems like enough.  I mean seriously is 45 minutes (45 because part of the time is spent cooking, looking over his homework, cleaning up a tad, feeding the cat etc) enough time to reconnect with the most important person in your life?  A young person at that.  4 days a week times 52 weeks a year?  

And I know I'm blessed.  There are many many parents working two jobs to keep a roof over their families' head.  The idea of having a 3 day weekend is so foreign to them they can't even imagine it to wish for it.  So I'm grateful.

 Then we have those nights like tonight.  We had a really nice day....church this morning with Sunday School.  We ran a couple of errands, came home for lunch then Tate had a nice long playdate here with a friend which enabled me to get a ton of stuff done here at the house.  

We were rocking along, I made dinner and cajoled him into the bathtub while dinner was cooking.  

Then it all went downhill.  I was trying to help him dry off to get dressed and he was being silly.  I asked him to stop and he didn't.  In his jumping around he banged me in the head.  I didn't handle it well and angrily set him aside and told him he had hurt me because he wouldn't stop when I asked him to.  I stalked off and returned quickly having cooled off.  He was quiet as he knew he had upset me.  Then his pajamas were too small.  His underwear was too small...I knew the pjs might be too small, so I was prepared for that and just had him get new everything.  But he was still quiet.  But wouldn't talk to me.  I told him I was ok, my head wasn't still hurting.  Then he said he needed some alone time.  I said sure.

Then he refused to help with dinner, refused to eat with me.  Just sulked.  He needed more alone time.  I didn't handle it well.  I thought to myself...We have four days of really no time together and he's ruining our last couple of hours together....how dare he?  I told him that if he didn't come eat with me he would have to fix his own plate when he was ready, but I was eating right now.  I told him I wasn't happy he was ruining the end of our weekend together.  

I ate alone.

He continued his alone time in the living room while I ate.

After I ate I went and asked him how he was and he said he was starving.  I offered to help him get his plate.  He said yes please.

But I sat down first and asked if he felt better and said I was proud of him for knowing he needed some space from me.  I asked if he was mad or sad and he said no.  Then I asked if he was mad at me.  Sweet boy had a really hard time saying yes.  I told him that it was ok to be mad at me, that he's going to get mad at me a lot for lots of different reasons and that he's going to need space from me some of those times.  I even said he'll probably want to run away to get away from me a time or two .... that got a look of 'are you nutso lady?'  (maybe not such a good idea).  I just want him to know he can be mad at me and vice versa.  I told him that even when I'm mad at him I still love him and I asked him if he still loved me right then, and he said yes tearily.

So he ate his dinner while I read him a story.  I sat with him then we played a game of table air hockey.  More stories at bedtime with lots of hugs.  With that he was off to sleep.

What bothered me most was my deep feeling that a difficult Sunday night make the week seem so much longer and harder.  Because we go for so long without the chance to really be together.  And I realize that part of this is also stemming from my feelings this morning in church.  I was sitting with a friend at our Sunday School meeting and she had a brochure for the moms' group in the church...they have tons of activities for moms in our church...stay at home moms that is.  I can't go to any of those meetings or groups.  I don't get the time to study God's word with Tate in an organized setting;  I never did.  I don't get designated time each week with other Christian women at 10am with my child. Sure we go to church on Sundays, but it's not the same.  It just made the upcoming 4 days seem so much harder and longer.

Sometimes I think I'm just way too attached to Tate and that spending time with him shouldn't be as important to me as it is.  Yet I know I enjoy my time with my friends without him; I do...I really do.  I don't even feel guilty when I'm enjoying hanging with my friends while he's being well cared for.  

I just wish our time together wasn't so frenetic, and I know it probably only feels that way to me.  I wish it wasn't all shoved into a 60 hour time period each week.  I think it's probably the main reason I don't push to have him sleep in his own bed and room.  I love sleeping with him.  Though he's not a cuddler, I like having him near me.  It's why I never sleep-trained or why it never really bothered me to wake up with him over night when he was a baby.  Those times nursing in the middle of the night were our times to bond, and I loved that he ate during the night until he was almost 1.  And goodness knows he didn't sleep through the night until well past 1, so when we were no longer nursing I was just getting him out of the crib and putting him in bed with me...those precious minutes were almost glorious to me.  

I've got to figure out how to reframe our week days.  Because I cannot continue dreading the four days.  I cannot continue the pressure I put on our time together.  

Time.  There's just never enough.  He's growing so very fast.  Earlier today while he was playing with his friend I found my Christmas cards from 2008.  My last Christmas without Tate.  I hadn't even told many people I was pregnant.  I even found the Christmas letter that I had written.  I was 10 weeks pregnant.  Those 9 months of pregnancy and my 9 week maternity leave were the longest amount of time Tate and I have spent or will ever spend together uninterrupted.   

I just want more time.