Picked Last

Recess...it's the best of times, it's the worst of times.

Now I don't remember recess being unpleasant when I was growing up.  I do remember running around like a crazy person having a blast and have the scars on my knees to show for it.

But it's markedly different for my little boy.  This child of mine loves playing football with some of the boys.  The school has a gaga ball pit, a play structure, a sandbox and a huge open space for the boys to play during recess.  There have always been issues when the boys play any sort of ball game...one boy in particular who seems to be uber competitive and will push/shove anyone to win.  At one point it got so out of hand last year that the teachers said no more balls were allowed at recess.  It seemed wholly unfair to punish everyone, but there was so much pushing and shoving and outright meanness that that was all they could come up with.

And of course several of the boys are naturally athletic;  Tate is not one of those boys.  I am always suggesting that he play in the sandbox or on the play structure or make believe with some of the other boys, the ones who don't play football.  But he wants to play football.  The boys pick teams of course.

Tate is always picked last.

My sweet boy is always chosen last.

For Christmas his babysitter gave him a football.  Tate had had a small football, but it got tossed over someone's roof and he'd been without one for a few weeks.  Cameron (his sitter) gave him a lime green nerf type one for Christmas....Tate was over the moon!  He could not wait to take it to school after the holidays.

The boys refused to play with it.

Tate was so very hurt.  He loved that ball.  He was so proud of it.  We had a couple of talks about it;  I explained that it wasn't exactly regulation size and that some boys only want the 'real' ball, but I thought this one was perfect for him and wasn't Cameron so nice to know Tate wanted one so badly.  It was left in our garage for a couple of weeks though.

So back to being picked last.  Another mom spoke to the teachers as her son and Tate are the two always chosen last.  Her son apparently was coming home in tears and upset over it;  Tate had never mentioned it to me.  So she talked to the teachers and asked them to assign the teams.  The teachers decided to choose team captains for each day.  It really hasn't solved the problem as when Tate isn't team captain he's still chosen last.

He says that noone thinks he can play.  He told me last week "They think I can't play Mommy, that I can't catch.  But Cameron and I practice every day with the football when we come home.  I can catch the ball now.

My heart breaks for him.  

I've again suggested he play with some of the other boys.  Many of them who don't play football are some of the boys he loves to hang out with.  But for whatever reason, he wants to play football.  Or soccer or whatever the game of the day may be.

I don't know what else to do.  I don't know what else to tell him.  He's trying so hard.  He's just not athletic.  But he's fast.  So very fast.  Once these boys realize how fast he can run, I'm thinking things will change.  Right now, they won't get him the ball, so they can't see.  

And oh my goodness he's so smart.  He's leaps and bounds ahead of everyone in math...as in his teacher has shared that with me.  He's also doing incredibly well in language arts.  He's working on third grade spelling words and he does enrichment work in math.  I am so very glad I didn't hold him back for kindergarten; he would be bored to tears in 1st grade right now.

So last night I told him he's really smart.  I explained that everyone has a gift and that his gift is he's smart and fast.  (I have alot of thoughts about how we're allowed to brag and praise our kids in a public forum for their athletic ability but praising their intelligence is frowned upon, but that's another post.)  He seemed to take solace in that.

However, I anticipate on Monday he'll play football again, be chosen last again and noone will throw him the ball.  (yesterday he was team captain, but apparently he quit halfway through the game because the mean boys were cheating, again)  He'll come home and throw the football with Cameron.    I am going to suggest again tomorrow night that he play something else, that he shouldn't do something that makes him feel bad.  I truly don't understand why he subjects himself to feeling sad each and every day.  What does he get out of playing that makes that initial feeling of hurt worth it?  I've also suggested that he bring a soccer ball instead and get a group to play soccer...no dice.  I've suggested he take his football and he says no.  I considered getting him a regulation football, but I'm getting the feeling that with so few boys on the field that there won't be enough to play another game, and he's said as much.  Yet the same boy is all time QB each time because the boy who owns the boy always says so.  

It's just so frustrating.  And I can't do anything to change it.  I can't make him take another ball.  I can't make him play something else.  I can't make him a better player.  

So I just make our home his safe place.  Cameron plays with him every day.  Thank goodness for Cameron.  I'll hold him and love on him at night.  And I'll remind him that we all have special gifts.  His special gifts are starting to sparkle.  Soon enough they'll shine.  He's going to shine so bright!!  

For now I'm just going to have to let my love for him shine bright, so he'll take that love with him and wrap himself in it when he feels less than bright.