I can't even really pinpoint why. I used to enjoy it so much; I loved having a written journal of my and Tate's life together. I want a written journal of our life together.
But goodness has that life gotten so much busier, so much crazier, so much more hectic in the past 12-18 months. It's unreal. I'm so much more tired at the end of the day. There is so much more going on in my mind from I can't believe I'm almost 50 to I can't Tate is 7!
I have less time to myself in the evenings with him not really going to sleep until 8 these days. We still strive to go upstairs and read stories at 7 with the goal of going to bed at 7:30, but realistically that just isn't happening. Work is insanely busy and I'm not getting out of the office until 5:15 these days and those 15 minutes make all the difference. I don't get home until 5:45 and we don't eat until after 6. I need a little downtime with him and oh my goodness if something has gone wrong at school that day it throws our evening off because he needs more of me. Thankfully that's a rare occurrence, but it occurs every once in a while.
But I'm going to get back to this. I loved having this space to ponder, to vent, to share. And I like having a chronicle of our lives to print out for us to share someday...right now Tate has no desire to look at all the books I've printed of my blog, but I hope someday he will.
So, second grade is going really well. Tate's loving it, loving his friends, loving Math, loving soccer and loving life. I'm loving being his mom, being my parents' daughter, being a great friend and sister.
I just wish I wasn't so tired and out of shape. A recurring theme in my life. I'm sure I'm tired because of I'm out of shape and I'm out of shape because I'm tired. I just cannot find the time to get it together. Just tonight a friend texted me that she would call me in an hour after she got home from her 'class' which started at 7. Her exercise class.
I can't imagine being able to be out of my house at 7pm on a Thursday night for a class of any sort. I can't even stop at the store on the way home to pick up milk because I have to get home and let the sitter leave.
Ugh.
Anyway, I love this boy of mine. We're having a great life. I love having someone to talk to at dinner. I love that he loves me so much. I love hanging out with him. I love his kind and sweet heart and his bad habits :). We're doing great...I just need to start taking as good of care of myself as I do of him so I can be with him for many years to come. As of right now I'm robbing him of many years with me because I'm not taking care of myself. I need to realize that not taking care of me is not taking care of him.
Tomorrow is a new day. I'm off to get myself to bed to start taking care of me.
A few outtakes...
2 comments:
So glad for the update!! When I started on the "trying to get healthier for Elsie" track, I found the thing that mattered the most was eating well. it is like 80% food and 20% exercise. And the exercise did not need to be much... walking the 10,000 steps a day was fine as long as I was watching what I ate. So it may not be as big as a hurdle as you think... I was surprised when I realized that at least. :)
Cheering you on Jenn! I know it's scary and hard and uncomfortable to think about it. Good for you for taking that hard first step!
I remember reading a book that talked about "Ridiculously Small Changes." Changes that seem so tiny that OF COURSE anyone could make them. And so making one and committing to it for 20 days. So maybe it's five minutes of exercise. Or even two. And doing it until th habit sticks. And then making it just the teensiest bit harder, until that new habit sticks. So now it's four minutes of exercise. In your living room. That made a lot of sense to me. I try this a lot.
Every little bit helps. The mental block is definitely the hardest. For me, after I take days off from exercise, it's SO much harder to go back. I force myself to do it because I know I'll feel better when I'm done but I try to take it easy on myself that first day and tell myself it doesn't have to be great, it just has to be done. And the next day is a little bit easier.
And yes, leaving the house is impossible. Everything I do nowadays is in my living room.
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