On Being The Only

Yesterday Tate and I went to our first (and probably only) Jack and Jill party.  Jack and Jill is a national organization of African-American mothers whose focus is strengthening our children's future through fellowship, volunteering and leadership.  In a nutshell, in my opinion, it provides a safe place for us to nurture our children while fostering relationships with strong African-American families.  As is probably obvious Tate's life is not the most diverse, so I really strive to ensure that we spend time with other families of color as often as possible;  I seek out playdates and friendships with other women/families of color.  My parents tried to do the same for me and my sisters as we were growing up.  I feel like it was easier for them when we were living in Baltimore...we were always with three other black families.  Goodness I remember playing in the basements, running around like crazy, not liking so and so, not wanting to go sometimes, but my parents insisting.  They would hang out upstairs playing cards while we kids just had so.much.fun.  Some of my best hazy memories.

We didn't have that when we moved down here.  We still had those Friday nights with their friends where the kids are forced to hang out together, but the friends were now white.  This was the South, you know.  In 1976.  I was bussed to another school in 5th grade (I moved right before 4th grade started).  I believe my neighborhood was bussed to partly over-crowding, but also to help desegregate the school I was bussed to...funny huh?  So bizarre!  

In any event, my parents did eventually make some awesome black friends with their peers, but by then I was in junior high and didn't have to go with them when they went over to play cards!  I could stay home or spend the night at friends' houses.  None of the kids were my age or they were boys.  :)  I will say this though...those black friends are still my parents' closest friend today.  Out of all those couples they hung out with when we moved here...they're still their friends.  And those friends from Baltimore? Still my parents' best friends.

I want that for me.  I want that for Tate.

So when R sent me an email asking if I wanted to go to the Jack and Jill event yesterday I jumped at the opportunity.  Though I don't see myself joining...it's a time commitment and a huge expense, I liked the idea of Tate being surrounded by only African-American people for an afternoon.  Strong, successful African Americans.  He doesn't experience that all that often.  My mom's friends tried to entice her to join when we were pre-teens, but she didn't mostly because of the cost.  That's a definite deterrent for me as well.  And I just don't know how I feel about the feeling of being part of the Haves and not the Have Nots.  I don't know why I feel that way.   It's an organization for black women like me...strong, successful, caring, family oriented.  I don't know why I feel like I would be selling out or not being 'faithful' to the majority of black Americans who are struggling.  Why do I struggle so much with being part of the 10%?  How is it so different from the almost completely lily-white (and for all I know completely white; I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt here) uber wealthy, family money country club I drive by every night on my way home from work?  Those members most likely don't think twice about the have nots, who are really not have nots with their 7 figure salaries;  it's just that their 7 figure salaries can't compare with the old money 7 figure salaries.  Make no mistake Jack and Jill is nothing like that, but it's the only comparison of feeling I can make.

In any event, I wanted to go see what it was about and I wanted to spend time with our friends!

We had a fabulous time!  Here are the pics to prove it!

Jack and Jill Inaugural Children's Ball:  Princesses and Pirates!

On the pink and blue carpet!

Jake of the Neverland Pirates came!!

Face painting time!

He wanted Lightning McQueen!

His first time drinking from a champagne glass!

He loved the Bubble Gum flavored Bubbly!

A toast with Mommy!

Princess Belle came too!

Our first Mother/Son Dance!

Got their pirate faces on!!

They did some serious pirating! 

 Dancing princesses and pirates!

Our mother/son dance....

Introducing Pirate Tate!

It was an absolutely lovely afternoon!  We all had a fantastic time!  

So we'll see.  I'll probably look into the organization over the next few weeks.  I'd probably have to have a sponsor or some such to join.  I want Tate to be comfortable in his skin;  I most definitely have not always been comfortable in mine.  And I'm well aware that everyone feels that way at different points in their life.  I just know that on top of the already out of sorts that everyone feels at times, when you add the race issue it's even harder.  Especially when you're always the only.  That's my thing...I have been the only so many times in my life, and I know that will happen to Tate as well.  I just want to balance that with a strong foundation.  I want him to have that safe place of 'Ahhhh I'm not the only.'  I know I can provide that for him in a variety of ways, and I strive to do that.  I'm just pondering....  

I just want him to be happy because he's my only.  How lucky am I?