I Cried Alot Today Mommy

Those are the words I heard as Tate was coloring his over-sized 'Planes' coloring pages on the floor this evening. 

"I cried alot today Mommy."

My heart broke into a million little pieces to hear my sweet 5 year old share his day with me.  Part of me wanted to rush over and drop to the floor beside him and pepper him with question after question.  But a bigger part of me knew I needed to just stay where I was by the kitchen counter while he shared with me what he needed to and wanted to with me.

I asked him why he cried alot.

He told me the boys were mean to him on the playground, that they wouldn't let him have the soccer ball.

I asked him why he thought they wouldn't let him have the ball.

He just shrugged, hunched over his Skipper picture, concentrating "I don't know.  They just wouldn't let me have it."  

He told me he cried two times.

Ugh.

He was so intent on his coloring, so his answers weren't coming quite quick enough.  Not quick enough for me of course.  Ultimately I made my way around the plethora of coloring pages to sit down beside him on the hardwood floor. 

I tried to get him to come sit closer to me for cuddles and comfort, not realizing he really needed neither at this point.  

I finally ascertained that about 5 or 6 boys play soccer every day, either at recess or in the morning before school starts.  Tate seemingly wants desperately into this little group of boys.  He mentions these boys playing soccer almost every day when telling me he played in the sandbox.  In any event, they wouldn't let him have the ball today, and it really hurt his feelings.  So he cried.

Now since I've watched him play soccer on the weekends I've had him tell me 'So and so wouldn't let me have the ball' when they are doing a scrimmage.  He does not seem to understand that the boys on the other team are supposed to keep the ball from him, so part of it is that he's not quite understanding that he needs to go get the ball.

But part of me also wonders if these boys simply aren't letting him be part of the group.

It sucks to be the new kid.

I just want to go shake each one of these boys and say "Let my boy play with you."

"Please."

I also know he needs to navigate these waters on his own.  But goodness is it hard.

All the while he kept coloring the sky blue around Skipper.

Then he said "I cried when B knocked me down."

Pure frustration on my part.

I asked if he told his teacher.  He said yes.  I asked what happened to B.  Tate said he had to sit out for a bit.

And, yes, B was one of the soccer boys.

Then Tate mumbled something about how B said something that wasn't really nice, and when I asked what he said, Tate said he couldn't tell me because he couldn't remember.  Then he said he couldn't tell me because he didn't hear him.

Sigh.

I asked if he told the teacher they were keeping the ball from him.  He said he did.  He said she told him to go get the ball, as did the police officer.  (The police officer is the gentleman providing security for the school...a sad testament to the life of a student in 2014 that security is so present in their day to day lives)

Now I know that was the right answer, well I think it was.  I assume the Mrs. K believes the boys were 'playing' soccer and that Tate needs to use his soccer skills to get the ball and 'move' it along the field.  And I hope that's the case and that they were not simply not allowing my son to be part of their play.  

He kept coloring while I asked my questions.

He wasn't upset.  He was just sharing his day.

Part of me was so very very happy that he felt comfortable enough to tell me this without me having asked him one thing about his day.  I was just standing by the counter looking over some paperwork when he piped up with his statement.  I pray, pray, pray that we continue this open dialogue in our home, that he knows he can tell me anything, and that I will always be on his side no matter what.

I did ask him a few times why he didn't go play with some of the other boys, and he simply said "But I wanted to play soccer with them."  I encouraged him to play with the other boys tomorrow like he was enjoying earlier this week.  Seems like he and R have a great time in the sandbox!  

But he wants to play soccer with them.

I finally convinced him to let me give him a hug and then I got up to make dinner.

At dinner I asked him what his favorite parts of his day were and he had some to share, so I think I'm more scarred than he is.

I so want him to be happy and to make friends.  I want him to feel like part of the group.  He's so funny, quirky, loving and happy.  

I know all of this just takes time.  More time than I'm allowing on this the 6th week of school.  I so want him to love going to school, and I know the social part of that love is almost as important as the formal education, especially at this young age.  I'm trying to give him the tools to make new friends, which he's never had to do.  I'm trying to role play with him to help be able to respond in difficult situations with confidence.  

Who knew kindergarten would be so hard?

So tonight as my sweet boy lays here beside me in bed I wish for him a happier day tomorrow with no tears.  I wish for him a better day where he gets the ball.  I wish for him a day full of love, joy, fun, giggles and laughter.  I wish for him a day where in kindergarten he learns...

1. Share everything.
2. Play fair.
3. Don't hit people.
4. Put things back where you found them.
5. CLEAN UP YOUR OWN MESS.
6. Don't take things that aren't yours.
7. Say you're SORRY when you HURT somebody.
8. Wash your hands before you eat.
9. Flush.
10. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
11. Live a balanced life - learn some and drink some and draw some and paint some and sing and dance and play and work everyday some.
12. Take a nap every afternoon.
13. When you go out into the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands, and stick together.
14. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Stryrofoam cup: The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
15. Goldfish and hamster and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.
16. And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.” 
― Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten