Enough ... AKA The Question Was Asked

Tate and I were outside 'doing chalk' this afternoon; his new favorite outdoor pasttime.  The three siblings across the courtyard joined us...Almost 7 year old Noah, 5 year old Hannah and almost 4 year old Christian.  They are a loud rambunctious bunch who Tate normally doesn't play with, not because we don't like them, just because of timing.

In any event, we invited the kiddos over to do chalk with us.  I was on the ground drawing trains (of course!) for Tate with his detailed instruction.  He was wandering around coloring here and there, returning to my side if I was using a wrong color or not making something the right size.

Hannah was standing next to me and asked...

"Does Tate have a dad?"

I was completely taken aback.  They see Tate and I come and go all the time.  Their parents are uber present in their lives with all their activities and school and the such.  It's patently obvious that Tate and I are a mom and kid family.  And even more obvious to children who are a mom, dad and kids family.

I needed a moment, so I said "Whacha say?"

She asked again "Does Tate have a dad?"

In those moments I really struggled with what to say, not because of Hannah's question, but because I truly don't know the answer.  Christian has not been available to Tate and me for some time now, and he's pretty much non-existent in our lives.  We still refer to him as Daddy Christian, but Tate hasn't spoken to him in weeks (via Skype) nor have I.  I'm taking this time apart to really decide how we're going to move forward with all of our relationships and honestly I'm completely adrift.  I have no idea how to handle this.  

I do know that I'm telling Tate's teacher at school to make Tate's Father's Day gift for me.  I made that decision when I received my Mother's Day gift, though I was already going down that thought path weeks before.  

But now I've been directly asked...'Does my child have a father?' and it's a more loaded question than can be anticipated.

I said....

"No.  We're a mom and kid family.  And we have a cat and a grandmommy and a papa...."

Then Noah piped in "A papa is a daddy."

I gently explained "Tate calls his granddaddy papa."

Hannah asked "Is your cat still blue?"

Meanwhile Tate was busy drawing a dinosaur, blissfully unaware of the turmoil his mother was in.

I said no.

We don't have a daddy in our family.

There.  I've said it.

We're a mom and kid family.

Maybe someday Christian will be part of our family again.  Who knows.  

But as I type this I realize that all Tate needs to know is that I am his mother.  

I will be his family, forever and always.  I will always be here.  I will always be his mommy, his daddy, his confidante, his champion, his disciplinarian, his shelter in any storm.  

Not a minute goes by that I don't think about him, where he is, how he is or what he is doing.  

We may be a small family, Tate and me, but we're a mighty family.

Most importantly.... Together, we are enough.