9/11 Memorial - NYC 2014

 

Saturday morning Tate slept until almost 7!  Having not gone to sleep until almost 9 the night before I wasn't surprised, and I was extremely happy.  I roused myself out of bed around 6:30 because we had a big day ahead!  My goal was to leave the apartment by 8am to catch the subway down to The World Trade Center to visit the 9/11 Memorial.  We had 10am reservations for the museum, and I didn't want to be late.  In addition I wanted to be able to visit the grounds and see the fountains in the footprints of where the North and South Tower previously stood.  We had visited the grounds two years ago, but I wanted to go again.

Sadly, the weather was awful.  It was raining when we woke up, and it rained all day long.  And I mean all day long.  It was constant.  That kind of rain is not something that I'm used to.  Here it will rain, pour, deluge us for an hour or two, but we don't have constant rain and drizzle for 12 hours.  Ugh.  And of course it was quite chilly as well...in the low 40s.  I had my mommy with me, so I knew it was going to be an event to get us to the WTC.  We got loaded up with stroller, back pack, coats, hats, gloves, boots and made our way downstairs by 8:15am.

We walked a couple of blocks to the train station only to discover it was closed until Monday morning at 5am!!  Thankfully a NYC subway worker came up the steps at that moment and instructed us on how to catch a shuttle bus 14 blocks to the next train station.  (Oh and thank goodness for the HopStop app on my phone which told me which trains to take each time!)

We shoved ourselves onto the bus with the rest of humanity and made our way down to the subway station!  I even met a gentleman from Houston!!  Such a small world!

We got our tickets for the train, I finagled Tate's stroller up and over the turnstile and we were on our way for 35 minute train ride.  I was shocked the train was packed at 8:30am on a Saturday morning.

Tate was the happiest rider on the Subway Saturday morning...

 We arrived at our stop and after a few false starts we made our way to the 9/11 Memorial.  Walking up to the grounds, the hallowed grounds, of this most tragic place just makes my heart drop.  I'm tearing up right now thinking about it.  To think of the fear, pain, hurt, horror and huge loss of life that occurred right under my feet just breaks my heart.  There's a stillness in this space.  You can almost feel the events of 9/11/01 if you stand still.  Not so much the planes crashing into the buildings, but the despair of those present that Tuesday morning.  To know that so much death occurred under my feet and in the air around me almost brought me to my knees.

Freedom Tower 



We made our way inside the museum.  First stop was a 15 minute chronicling the events of 9/11 and the emotional responses of the American leaders and first responders.  I wasn't sure if it was going to be appropriate for Tate to see, but one of the tour guides assured me it would be.  Now having seen it, I'm not so sure, but what's done is done.  Tate is young enough that I don't know that he truly understood what he saw...the planes hitting the towers, the towers collapsing, people jumping from the buildings, the dust and flames from the fall of the towers, the people running away and the horror on the faces of those on the ground watching the disaster unfold.

 

I did learn something new that day:  President Bush had authorized that any plane that didn't respond to air traffic control would be shot down by fighter jets, no questions asked.  Now, many people including  my sister and father said they knew about this, but I was unaware.  I was almost numb hearing Bush say those words.  What a horrible decision to have to make.  Just awful.  Yet, there would have been no other choice.



We walked around the memorial area for about an hour. There's lots to see, read and absorb. I didn't get to do/see much having Tate with me;  in addition Lindsey didn't want to be standing and walking around so much with the marathon less than 24 hours away. Sigh.  So I saw some highlights.  I will definitely be going back.

 


 
 
 


The Last Column

 



 

 The North Tower Antenna

 

 

 

 

 

Survivor's Steps

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

Then there's the Memorial Exhibition - it commemorates the lives of the 2,977 men, women and children who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001 and February 26, 1993.  Touchscreen tables provide audio remembrances described by family members or friends of every single victim.

 

I could only stay in that hall for 2 minutes.  The magnitude of loss is indescribable.  I didn't dare touch one of the screens to hear about anyone's loved one. 

 

There is an education center in the museum for children;  I took Tate to it.  There is a photograph of the North and South Tower which is the last known picture of the two towers.  It was taken around 830am on the morning of September 11.  What everyone has always said about that day in NYC is how perfect the sky was.  Just a clear, picture perfect blue sky (I also remember the sky here was crystal clear as well).  That blue wall in the picture above was created from the blue sky in that photograph.  There are 2,977 blue tiles, each a different hue found in that sky that day.  The educator in the education room explained that to Tate after offering him the opportunity to do one of five crafts...he chose to paint the blue sky.  She pulled out the water colors and he went to work, gazing at the last photo of the Twin Towers.

 

Here's Tate with his rendition of that photograph...

 

 

 

 

On the right is the North Tower, the left the South Tower.  The black on the right is the fire hose with the blue water gushing out to put out the red fire engulfing the towers.  The taller green structure is another building visible in the photograph.  The shorter green structure with the purple circle on top is a flower, so the people who died won't be sad.  The purple stream flowing into the blue water of the Hudson is the extra water for the firefighters.  He insisted on painting with the brown...I asked if those were the Survivor's Steps...he said yes.  He wanted to draw something with the orange...I asked if he thought a cross would be a good idea and he excitedly said yes!

He also has a lovely blue sky.

We will never forget.

Halloween - NYC 2014

 

So much has been happening in our lives, it's unbelievable.  I never have time to sit down and blog it seems.  How is it that 2 years ago I was chronicling our lives with such frequency? I don't understand it, but my life seems so very much more busy now with my kindergartner.  I just don't get it.  I'll try to catch up at some point, but suffice it to say kindergarten is going so much better now.  We surely had a few bumps as I've posted about but it's so much better now.  Tate still desperately misses his daycare buddies especially Leo, but he's settling in.

For now though I'm going to chronicle our weekend trip to New York City to watch my sister run the 2014 NYC Marathon!!

Friday morning, October 31, Lindsey (my sister), my parents, Tate and I left for New York City via Newark.  Tate and I picked up Aunt Lindsey and met my parents at the airport.  We got checked in and through security in a flash and boarded the plane.  Upon boarding Tate asked if he could meet the pilots who were more than happy to oblige him and his explanation of the parts of an airplane as exhibited on the shirt he was wearing. :)  We were off!

Showing the pilots his shirt...there was
a plane on it with its parts labeled!!!

Making sure the pilots know all the parts
of a plane!!!

 Much to Tate's joy Disney 'Planes: Fire and Rescue' was one of the movies offered for his viewing pleasure, so he was happy as a clam.  Then I got him settled down for a quick nap!  We landed;my dad and Lindsey headed off to Brooklyn to their hotel and then the Marathon Expo to get Lindsey all checked in!  My mom, Tate and I hopped into the car I had ordered, and we were off to my friend's apartment in Manhattan!

Once at Silke's we got a little organized then headed off to pick her daughter up at school...she's also in kindergarten.  We let the kiddos play on the playground a bit before heading back to the apartment for an early dinner...it was Halloween after all and we wanted to get the kids into their costumes and off for some trick or treating before it got too dark (or too cold).  Pizza was ordered, kids were changed and Halloween bags were distributed. 

There are peacocks roaming freely on the grounds of Annabelle's school!

My little conductor!

Our little conductor and witch were absolutely adorable!!!!!  We did some quick scouting of Silke's building, and the kids scored some candy.  The coolest thing (for us Texans) was the fact that when you trick or treat in the Big Apple, you go to grocery stores, restaurants, pharmacies, bars...pretty much all the establishments on the streets give out candy!! 

I made 'tickets' that Tate wrote thank you on...he
would punch them and hand them to people
after they gave him candy!

The infamous 'Seinfeld' restaurant

Trick or treating in a grocery store!

Hanging out with Grandmommy!
Boy that hat was way too big!

It was a tad chilly, and the streets were very crowded.  Tate had a lot of fun, but he was quickly overwhelmed and after 45 minutes asked to go home.  He said he had enough candy and didn't need anymore :).  Such a sweet boy.  My mom and I took Tate on home, while Silke and Annabelle continued on for another hour or so.  I got Tate bathed and ready for bed.   Annabelle returned, and the kids played for a bit and then I convinced Tate to go to sleep! Once both kids were down we adults consumed some wine (and candy!).

Tate's candy haul!!!

 

Happy Mommies!

Working Single Mom Here!

That little baby I brought home a few years ago is doing work of his own now...school!  Five years ago, I had just gone back to work a week or two prior and was trying to figure out how to be a working mom, a working single mom.  I'm still trying to figure out how to be a working single mom.  Each year brings a different layer to the difficulty of working full time in a position that doesn't really allow time off easily to be there for my child.  Working directly with people who have no children, will never have children is extremely stressful, complicated and just plain hard.

Hard because I'm so tired of being asked "What are you doing this weekend?" or "What did you do this weekend?" with the seeming expectation that I'm going to say I went to the latest and greatest bar with a big group of friends.  Come on.  My weekends are about spending quality time with my kid.  Birthday parties, doing laundry, zoo trips, riding a train, doing the dishes, playing legos, cleaning the litter box, putting toys away, riding bikes, coloring, kissing boo-boos, grocery shopping, meal preparing, reading books to my son, listening to him read to me, petting my cat, soccer games, church and just good ole hanging out with sweet Tate.

Stressful because I want to leave right at 5.  I want to be done and out the door.  When I took this position, I was told the previous doc was always walking out the door by 5 or even a little before.  It's a real struggle to get out before 5:10/5:15 these days.  Those ten or fifteen minutes make all the difference in big city traffic.  It was even harder when Tate was sound asleep before 7pm.  Not getting to daycare until 5:30 or just after and then home at 5:45 was so hard.  Trying to feed, bathe, read stories and have him asleep by 7 was such a struggle.  And I hated every minute of it. Looking back, I simply don't know how I did it.  I don't really remember feeling like we had no time together, though I always lamented that we had no time together.  But we made the most of those 75 minutes.  When he stopped the pacifier at 2 1/2 I got a bit more time because it took him longer to fall asleep, and then last year I went to putting him down to be asleep by 7:30.  Though that pre-K nap foiled my attempts more times than I can count I tried to have him asleep by 7:30.  Now I try to have him in bed by 7:30 to be asleep by 7:45 if he's awakened early in the morning or 7:45 to be asleep by 8 when he sleeps in.

But I digress.  Everyone else stays back at the office it seems, discussing the day, patients seen, talking about the ins and outs of the office.  Noone is rushing home to their significant other (which everyone has) or of more note a child who is dependent on them and has missed them all day, except me.   I don't have time to do stay and shoot the breeze, nor do I want to.  I don't know if it's harder when you are your child's only parent; I really don't know.  I want to think it's easier to know that your husband will be there to hear the stories of the day,  to get the first 'I'm home' hug, to reconnect with your child.  Because that's what a child needs, no matter how old or young he is...to reconnect with his parent(s), the most important people in his life.  We need time to reconnect, and I don't mean while I'm making dinner or checking over the homework done with the nanny, or helping pick up toys...I mean time to sit and talk, play and cuddle.  It's why I don't do evening meetings, I don't do evening happy hours I can't take Tate to, none of that.  At least not more than 4-5 times a year.  I know that seems extreme, but I waited 41 years to have this person in my life.  41 years.  I'm only going to have him in my home for 18 years fulltime.  5 have already gone by.  What's 13 more?  

Complicated because I need to work.  I need to be part of the team.  I want to be a team player, and I'm patently aware that it seems like I'm not.  My team is me and Tate now.  I have to work, and I'm pretty good at what I do.  I'm not the smartest, but I work hard, I try hard and I have a good heart about what I do.  I care about the children I work with every day.  Not everyone can say that.   In all honesty though I would work 9-3 if I could.  Five years into this mommy business and I know what I was told 3 years ago is true...anyone can hold your baby and rock him, only you can hold your child and tell him the mean kid isn't the cool kid.  Anyone can give your baby a bottle of breastmilk, only you can give your child unconditional love and support when he missed the goal.  Anyone can play with your baby on the floor, only you can make the hurt go away when he fails a test he studied 4 days for.

Sigh.  That's a huge vent right there isn't it?  It seems like I'm not very happy these days, doesn't it.  But I am.  I really am.  I have the most amazingly sweet and kind little boy in my life.  There are so many times during the minimal time we have together during the week that I look at Tate and just am bowled over by his sweet, gentle nature.  He is just the sweetest little boy.  His heart is amazing.  I'm just so blessed.  

I'm also blessed to have a job, a job that compensates me well.  A profession I went after and succeeded at.  Not many people can say that.  I worked and studied hard to get here.  Because of this job I chose I felt comfortable to have this baby on my own.  I just wish I had known had very hard it would be to do my job well and raise my son the way I want him to be raised.  Because that's the thing.  It's important for me to put Tate to bed every night.  I try to not have that happen very often, maybe one night a month, and definitely not on a weeknight.  I know many single parents don't have that option;  their kids go to bed 6 nights a week without their parent at home.  I know that.  And I know it must hurt their hearts.  I simply couldn't do it; well let me amend that, if I absolutely had to, if there was no other way I could be a mother then I would.  But I don't have to.  I made the decision to work in a place that should be affording me the luxury of spending time with my child in the evenings.  (since when did spending time with one's kid become a luxury?)  

So, yes I'm tired (as always), stressed, overwhelmed, overweight :), and stretched too thin.

I'm also happy, loved, fulfilled and blessed.

I'm gonna throw in that list of gratitude that's been floating about FB....
(1) I'm grateful to have a child who is so loving, kind and generous, a child who listens well and strives to be a good person with excellent behavior.

(2) I'm ever so grateful for my amazing parents who always step in to help me when needed.  Even more grateful that God made them my parents because their love for me has always known no bounds. When I read so many vents and complaints that other women and men have about their parents I'm just shocked and disturbed.  I never knew there were so many people out their with such dysfunctional unloving homes.  I thank God every day for the amazing family I have.

(3) I'm grateful for all the friends in my life who love, support and care for me.  Many of these women and men are my second family;  without them I'd be a little lost.

(4) I'm eternally grateful for my relationship with my sweet sister Lindsey.   I was mortified when my parents had her when I was 15, but what an amazing addition she has been to my life.

(5) I'm grateful for my relationship with my Lord and Savior.  Eternal love.